Death is often an uncomfortable topic to think about, let alone discuss. When someone passes away, the people around generally don’t know what to do or how to address the situation. This can be painful for the grievingfamilywho are just looking for some support during a tough time.
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Some people feel uncomfortable reaching out to a bereaved person and often don’t know exactly what to say to them
Image credits:Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman, who is an only child of a single mother, explained that her mum passed away unexpectedly around four weeks ago, and she had to manage the funeral arrangements alone
Image credits:Roman Pohorecki / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her partner had informed his mother about the situation, and she asked him to pass on her condolences
Image credits:Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The grieving woman was shocked that her mother-in-law didn’t reach out personally or check in to see how she was doing
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To understand why death has such an effect on people,Bored Pandareached out toJill Cohen, a grief counselor who works with children and adults, to get her perspective on the situation. She said that “generally, people don’t know what to do with grief and with grievers.”
“Different people’s personalities also weigh in on how they react to the griever. If they are a reserved person to begin with, they may be reserved in this behavior, too. If they areanxiousor insecure, they may fear doing or saying the wrong thing. They may even think that enough people are supporting the griever without their involvement, so no need to step in,” Jill explained.
Jill Cohen told us that “if a person feels uncomfortable with death, they can be the person that offers some ‘lightness’ to the other during the mourning time. Offer to do a spa day, suggest a comedy movie, go for coffee, or lunch or on a shopping spree, to give them something different to do rather than just settling into their grief at home.
“The bottom line is that even if you are uncomfortable with dealing with death if therelationshipyou have with the grieving person is a meaningful one, understand that it’s ‘not about you.’ You may have to move a little bit out of your comfort zone to be present and show up for your friend as he/she wants or needs you to be,” Jill shared.
Image credits:Juan Pablo Serrano / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Dealing with grief alone often feels scary and painful. Asurveyfound that almost 50% of grievers are able to cope better after spending time with family. It’s also probably why the OP was hoping for her mom-in-law to reach out and comfort her. Especially after losing her mum as an only child, her partner’s mother was probably the only maternal figure she had left.
Death can bring out a weird side of people that you would have otherwise not seen. The OP, in her fragile state, unfortunately, had to deal with her in-law’s possible discomfort as well. Although she did later add that her expectations for her mother-in-law were probably out of line, we hope the other lady eventually reached out to show support.
People were sensitive to the poster’s pain and told her that her partner’s mom was probably uncomfortable with death and didn’t know how to handle such a situation appropriately
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