You’ve likely seen some of the worststorieson the news. This one you’re about to read isn’t as dark, but it shows how accurate this proverb is.

Because of theguilt tripshe endured from her ex and friends, the author now wonders if she was too harsh.

You will also find our brief conversations with licensed marriage and family therapistMary Kay Cocharo, LMFT, andDr. Nicholas Jenner.Mary Kayhas 30 years of experience guiding couples with conflict resolution and deepening communication, while Dr. Jenner has been helping people cope with codependency for the last 20 years.

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Being cheated on can significantly affect the person betrayed

Man with his child sitting on a couch, both smiling while using their smartphones, highlighting bonding moments.

Image credits:Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

A woman was forced to reconnect with her cheating ex-husband, who came to her with a huge favor

Text about a woman’s decision to reject involvement with her ex’s affair child.

Text about a woman distancing herself after ending her marriage due to her ex’s affair.

Text from an article about a woman distancing herself from an ex’s affair child after a smear campaign.

Man and child standing on a bridge, both gazing into the distance, wearing jackets, with trees in the background.

Image credits:Gabriella Clare Marino / unsplash (not the actual photo)

She refused without batting an eye, causing strain between her former spouse and the children they share

Text about a woman’s refusal to help with ex’s affair child and the ex’s response.

Text about a woman’s reaction to her ex’s affair child being placed in foster care after his accident.

Text describing a woman’s challenges with ex-partner’s actions and smear campaign.

Woman covering her face with hands, showing emotional distress, wearing a watch and ring, related to affair child issue.

Image credits:Fa Barboza / unsplash (not the actual photo)

She now wonders if she was too harsh for turning down her ex

Text describing a woman dealing with ex’s smear campaign about her treatment of his affair child.

Image credits:AlwaysMoon0

“A sense of injustice”

According to Mary Kay, most women who experience betrayal are deeply confused, hurt, disappointed, and scared. This downpour of negativity may magnify their feelings of injustice, pushing them to act out of spite.

Dr. Jenner, meanwhile, brought up an important point: infidelity is more than just physical betrayal.

In the story, the woman’s actions may be a way for her to regain control. As Dr. Jenner also points out, this is a typical response to a hurt ego, which may lead people to desire payback.

Man talking to uninterested woman in a cafe, related to ex’s affair child and smear campaign.

Image credits:Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Vindictiveness after experiencing cheating is a PTSD response

The woman’s seemingly spiteful response to her husband is typical among people who experience infidelity. According to author and licensed addiction specialistDr. Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT, it may also be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

As Dr. Weiss explains in an article forPsychology Today, betrayed partners may go through the same experience as battle-scarred soldiers: flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, powerful mood swings, and hypervigilance, which he says may result in “craziness.”

“A betrayed partner’srage, tears,fear, pleading, vindictiveness, and emotional instability are an inevitable and expected response,” he wrote.

Dr. Weiss continued to describe the degree of pain a betrayed individual experiences when they first find out about the cheating, and it hinges on five factors: what the partner did, how long it lasted, who the cheating partner is, how the infidelity unraveled, and the person’s history of relationship safety.

Woman relaxing and reading a book by candlelight, dealing with ex’s affair child issues.

Image credits:Mushaboom Studio / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Acting on spiteful feelings can only be more destructive

While the betrayed person may be feeling unbearable pain and potentially long-lasting trauma, their behavior has its limits. As Dr. Jenner explains, holding on to long-termspiteaffects the individual and the people around them.

Instead, he urges readers to shift focus to happiness, success, and indifference, which he describes as the “perfect retaliation” and “the true power move.”

According to Mary Kay, resentment may also lead to physical health issues. In such cases, she advises setting boundaries and engaging in self-care.

“Vindictiveness may seem like power, but true power lies in healing, growth, and moving forward with dignity,” she said.

Based on the author’s story, her husband didn’t show remorse forthe infidelity. According to Dr. Jenner, a heartfelt apology can be a “turning point” to a possible reconciliation, even if healing may take a while.

Holding onto thepainand resentment may only make the author feel worse. Helping her ex-husband’s son may be a good first step toward maintaining a civil relationship. However, keeping distance may be a better option if she chooses to maintain a life without him.

Woman looking distressed with head in hands; relationship conflict and smear campaign theme.

The author provided more information about her story

Reddit thread discussing an ex’s affair child, mentioning the ex’s poor friendships.

Reddit discussion on woman’s refusal to engage with ex’s affair child, leading to his smear campaign against her.

Reddit comments discussing a woman’s situation regarding an ex’s affair child and a resulting smear campaign.

Many readers sided with her

Reddit comment discussing boundaries with ex’s affair child and responsibilities.

Text exchange discussing resentment over an ex’s affair child inclusion attempt.

A Reddit user comments on an ex’s affair and smear campaign tactics.

Reddit comment discussing a woman’s refusal to care for her ex’s affair child.

Online comment discussing parenting and obligations related to an ex’s affair child.

Reddit comment discussing responsibility towards an ex’s affair child and addressing a smear campaign.

Comment discussing ex’s parental alienation in a legal context.

Comment screenshot about a woman’s ex’s affair child and related issues.

Comment about ex’s affair child, stating it’s his responsibility.

Reddit comment advising against involvement with ex’s affair child.

Comment discussing a situation involving an ex’s affair child, mentioning the child going to foster care.

Reddit comment criticizing a man for wanting his ex to be involved with his affair child.

Text conversation discussing woman, ex’s affair child, and unfair blame.

Reddit user’s comment criticizing a woman for not supporting her ex’s affair child.

Comment on woman’s situation with ex’s affair child and smear campaign against her.

But some also faulted her for having a “cold heart”

Reddit comment criticizing a woman for her actions against her ex’s affair child.

Reddit comment criticizing a woman’s refusal to help her ex’s affair child.

Anonymous comment criticizing a woman’s treatment of ex’s child, discussing justified anger and need for control over actions.

Reddit comment discussing a woman’s response to her ex’s affair child.

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