The love of money might be the root of all evil, and it can cause even the closest relationships to implode. Relationships are tricky to manage, but things can go south quickly when huge finances are brought into the picture. Of all the issues that can strain a good bond, money is probably the biggest one.
That’s exactly what one woman realized when she was suddenly bestowed with a vast amount of money. The unexpected financial blessing didn’t seem so joyous anymore when her partner immediately made plans to spend it with his friends, no less. She went to Reddit to share her worries and find out if she had handled the situation wrong.
Bored Pandaalso reached out toRyan Jakovljevic, a couples therapist and the clinical director of Empire Psychotherapy, to get his insight.
More info:Reddit
Combining money and marriage can often be a recipe for disaster, and this Reddit poster found that out too late
Image credits:Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The woman’s nanna had passed away just weeks after her engagement, which is when she learned about the huge inheritance she would get
Image credits:Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
When her fiancé found out about the money, he was overjoyed and, without asking for her permission, made plans for a “boys holiday” and to pay off his credit card
Image credits:Diva Plavalaguna(not the actual photo)
Both partners ended up in a huge fight, and the fiancé called her “incredibly selfish” and scolded her for embarrassing him in front of his friends
Image credits:u/cereal-k**lher
The woman ended up leaving the house without saying a word and stayed at a friend’s house
The Original Poster (OP) is a 32 Y.O. woman who posted on Reddit’s AITAH community. She was all set to get married to her fiancé, a 35 Y.O. man. They had gottenengagedjust a year ago and had been together for five years. Their wedding was all set for May 2025, but things recently took a turn for the worse.
The author mentioned that her nanna passed away a few weeks after theirengagement. She shared that her grandmother and grandfather worked hard throughout their lives and were successful and educated people withhigh-paying jobs. Since they avoided overspending, they lived out their later years with lots of money.
OP stated that her nanna left considerable sums of money for her, her brother, and their three cousins in her will. After her grandmother passed and the money was divided, there was still “thousands to each of our names.”
When her fiancé heard the news, he was overjoyed, and the woman only realized why when she overheard him talking to his friends while playing avideo game. He bragged to them that he could pay off his credit card and book a boys’holiday. OP immediately confronted him and said that it wasn’t his money and that he could not use it without her permission.
“It really does have me thinking, I’m not sure what to do but I’ll work it out, don’t stress too much about no update, I can more than likely guarantee one, however what it will include I don’t know.”
Ryan shared how couples should handle finance-related arguments. He stated “arguments about finances are rarely about finances – couples aren’t in my office debating the merits of savings bonds vs stocks, or whether it would be better to budget 10% of their monthly income for debt repayment or eating out. Like most hot-button issues, the real issue is the way their partner is making them feel… controlled, unheard, dismissed, unsafe.”
“It’s good to check in and express yourself before becoming emotionally reactive and letting your feelings take control. It’s totally understandable to be upset given her partner was talking about how to spend her inheritance instead of talking with her. It’s also understandable that her partner may not understand the intensity of the reaction he’s seeing because he hasn’t yet heard about how she feels and why. A starting point is expressing her feelings, and outlining why she feels that way, without blaming or attacking him,” Ryan also mentioned.
People’s attitudes and values about money come from many unconscious beliefs. A study published in thePsychological Reportsjournal found that we inherit our beliefs about money from our parents and other family members. That’s why it can be tough to overcome certain principles we hold dear about saving and spending. We might even struggle to communicate these thoughts to our partners. But the great news is that it’s never too late to start.
The “best way to handle suchmarriagestressors is with honest communication of expectations, hopes, goals, and anxieties. Couples should also practice empathy, have the maturity to check their egos, and abandon any predilection for control,” statesInvestopedia. That’s why, if one partner comes into a lot of money, both people need to discuss how it will be used.
Redditors sided with the woman and were quick to point out how the fiancé thought of her as a “financial burden”
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