Thanksgivingis an extremely special holiday for many Americans, as this might be the only time you get to gather with all of yourrelativesthe entire year. Finally, you get to cozy up on the couch to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, play board games with Grandma, enjoy awholesomefeast and express gratitude for all of your blessings. ‘Tis the season!
But as wonderful as Turkey Day can be, it’s not always picture perfect. In an effort to prevent conflicts, one woman created a code of conduct for her family to follow on Thanksgiving. But instead of getting everyone on the same page, her rules ruined her family’s holiday plans. Below, you’ll find the full story that her sister recentlypostedon Reddit, as well as a conversation with psychologist and founder ofTherapy With Olivia, Olivia Brouillette.
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This woman is usually in charge of hosting her family’s Thanksgiving gathering
Image credits:Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But when her sister came up with a “code of conduct” for everyone to follow, she decided that she couldn’t do it this year
Image credits:pacoocimage / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits:ziolczykdaniel
The vast majority of Americans celebrate Thanksgiving with their loved ones
Image credits:freepik (not the actual photo)
Thanksgiving is a huge holiday in theUnited States. ThePew Research Centerreports that a whopping 91% of Americans celebrate Turkey Day, and over a quarter of Americans plan to enjoy the holiday with at least 10otherpeople this year.
In fact, two thirds of Americans say a prayer or blessing before enjoying their Thanksgiving feasts, while 69% express what they’re thankful for. And 56% of Americans will do both before chowing down on turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and more.
Aside from watching sports, many Americans also plan to spend this Thursday talking about work or school, discussing the recent presidential election, talking aboutpop culture, watching a parade, donatingfoodor goods and doing some holidayshopping.
But as magical as Thanksgiving can be, it’s also notorious for being a day full offamily drama. Heated political debates with relatives can ruin your appetite, and there’s often tension in the kitchen as one parent works hard to prepare all of the food as quickly as they can and the other sits on the couch asking, “When’s the food going to be ready?”
Family drama is extremely common during the holiday season
To learn more about this situation, we got in touch withpsychologist and founder ofTherapy With Olivia, Olivia Brouillette. Olivia was kind enough to have a chat withBored Pandaand discuss family conflicts during the holidays.
“First, it’s important for people to know how common it is to have family drama/conflict around the holidays. In fact, the holiday season is usually our busiest season because of the anticipation of drama,” the psychologist noted. “The drama’s reasoning can depend on each family and person involved, but, generally speaking, I often see it happening when family members share different opinions and ideals.”
“What I often hear (and have seen personally) is this feeling of obligation to be around family, even if you don’t usually get along or even like the person,” Olivia shared. “And when we’re forced in close proximity with people we don’t like and disagree with, and then mix alcohol and family obligations, it can get really messy really fast. People seem to always forget that the family is full of individuals who have different life experiences, different opinions (and the list can go on and on), and how these differences can lead to tension.”
“In the case that OP presented, it didn’t seem to give the feeling of wanting to protect peace or share what things could make the entire experience more comfortable on the sister’s part, but demanding OP put rules into her home that she did not agree with,” the therapist pointed out. “And even with the best intentions, expecting people to agree with your rules and then calling them ungrateful and stubborn is a step too far.”
“Knowing and respecting your boundaries will leave you feeling better after spending time with the family”
But Olivia says that it may be important to set basic boundaries with your family that you want them to respect. “For example, when the sister mentioned not speaking about politics, I think that’s totally fair. But if you want more rules, like what people wear or where people will sit (as the OP’s sister did), then host the event yourself. Because then it’s YOUR house and YOUR rules,” she added.
“That doesn’t mean you have to share them with anyone else, but to understand for yourself that, for example, if Uncle Bill starts talking about Planned Parenthood, you need to excuse yourself or try to politely change the topic,” she explained. “Knowing and respecting your boundaries will leave you feeling better after spending time with the family, and is kind of the only way to protect yourself and your peace.”
Olivia also recommends having a list of safe conversation topics at the ready for when you’re around family. “This will make pivoting the conversation away from anything inappropriate easier (and means less space for others to try to fill with potentially inappropriate topics),” the expert noted. And if you want to find even more tips from Olivia on this topic, she has an entire post about it on her siteright here.
Some readers supported the woman for standing her ground
However, others thought that it was unfair for her to cancel Thanksgiving
And some provided advice on how to prevent drama during family gatherings
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