Every parent has their own way of raising children. And as long as it doesn’t hurt the child, all choices are valid. Yet, it doesn’t stop some parents from competing with each other.
Just like in today’s story. The OP’s mother-in-law has a friend whoseparentingphilosophy is the complete opposite of hers. And this bugs her. But what annoys her even more is that this MIL seemingly feels that her parenting is inferior to her friend’s.
More info:mumsnet
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What is there to do when you feel like someone looks down on the way you choose to parent your child?
Image credits:Marcell Pálmai (not the actual photo)
A mom often leaves her daughter with her MIL, who takes her to hang out with her friend’s girl
Image credits:Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
This girl’s mother has a totally different philosophy than the mom, which kind of annoys her
Image credits:Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
For example, she lets her daughter paint her nails, wear makeup, attend dance classes, and sleep separately, while the mom who wrote the post doesn’t do these things
Image credits:Bananananasaretasty
But what annoys her the most aren’t the differences themselves, but the fact that her MIL keeps suggesting she do things the way her friend does
Yet, sometimes, this kind of arrangement can have somedrawbacksas well.For example, grandparents might not agree with the parenting their children practice, so it can create some tension. AsBored Panda’sinterviewee, child psychologist and parenting coach Rupal Jasraj Patel, said, “Children sometimes innocently take advantage, leaning towards the side that benefits them, and thus, their values and boundaries tend to get blurred in the process.”
From what the OP wrote in the post, it’s pretty clear that she thinks her mother-in-law overstepped one particularboundary. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
It’s similar with nail polish. It all comes down to the rules of the parents, yet many advise not to allow this, especially if the kid still has ahabitof finger-sucking. And if they let their kids paint their nails, it is better to do so withpolishesmeant for children, as they usually are designed without chemicals that can irritate their skin.
So, the OP is one of those parents who isn’t for letting their kids use thesebeautyprocedures while they’re so young. But her MIL’s friend is, which kind of disturbs the woman.
Image credits:Fernanda De Freitas (not the actual photo)
So, quite a long list of differences, isn’t it? But the main problem the author has with this whole situation isn’t these differences. It’s the fact that her MIL keeps mentioning that she could do some stuff that herfrienddoes.
For example, she keeps recommending taking her granddaughter to dance classes or advising her on how to keep her sleeping through the night. This makes the woman feel like her mother-in-law trusts her friend’s parenting more than hers. She also feels like she can’t confront her about it or ask her not to hang out with this woman.
Contrary to what the OP thinks, our interviewee said that, for cases like these, communication is key. “Parents should have open and respectful conversations with grandparents, explaining their parenting choices and the reasons behind them.” To have those conversations, Rupal Jasraj Patel suggests having regular family meetings.
For this reason, the OP came to the Mumsnet forum to ask for advice on what she should do. Most of the people told her that she shouldn’t do anything. In their eyes, the mother-in-law wasn’t doing anything wrong — she was just giving a few suggestions that might improve her grandkid’s life.
Our interviewee said that parents shouldn’t take such comparisons personally. “The best way is to acknowledge the grandparents’ experiences and gently explain that every family and child is unique, so different approaches work for different people.”
The forum’s users also called out the woman for being overly judgy. Maybe, after all, she took comparisons personally and expressed them in a judgy manner.From her post, it seemed that everything the other mom does bugs her just because she does it differently. And this left quite a sour taste in internet folks’ mouths.
So, what we can take away from this story is that maybe we should all strive to be more tolerant of those who make different choices. Whether it’s parenting or any other stuff — sometimes, there is more than one right answer.
Check out our interviewees’website andLinkedIn andInstagrampages!
When she came online to ask what she should do about it, she was told not to do anything except stop judging the other mom
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