Having goodmannersis something any fully functioning human should have, starting from their childhood. Sadly, some parents go too far when trying to ensure their children have them.
Like this mom, who threw a fit when her son’s cousin pointed out that her “no-phones at the table” rule was too extreme, while other relatives kind of backed him up. She vented about it online, and when netizens didn’t support her either, she was hurt and revealed that initially she’d hidden some details.
More info:Mumsnet
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Manners are a useful thing, but shouldn’t be pushed so much that they become impractical
Image credits:freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits:freepik / Freepik (not the actual photos)
Instead of the son answering anything, the cousin called the woman’s rules excessive, while other family members silently agreed with him
Image credits:Anthony LE / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits:shill4nuttn
She also vented about it online, where people weren’t supportive either and even dubbed her fussy
The whole drama happened during the birthday of the OP’s son, who is mentioned to be a young teenager.For this birthday, they went out to a restaurant to celebrate it with his dad’s side of the family.
During this party, the boy’s cousin started showing him something on his phone. It should be noted that none of the author’s kids, including the birthday boy, own phones. So, if they get at least some screen time, they probably do it on their parents’ devices, but even that is forbidden during dinner or other meals at the table. Birthday parties at restaurants are no exception.
Bored Panda’sinterviewee parenting expertRachel Baileysaid while enforcing such rules on their children, parents should note that being consistent and addressing the impact of it is important.
By the former, she means that it’s important to show a child that you are serious about the boundaries you set. So, when a child throws a tantrum to make you give in, you shouldn’t, as it would signal to them that’s how they can make you abandon your principles. “If they have experienced that throwing a fit does not get them what they want, they’re less likely to do it.”
Well, we couldn’t find anything about autocratic parenting, but we did for anauthoritarianstyle. It’s when a parent sets rigid rules for children, usually without explanation, and expects the children to obey without questioning them. The kids proceed to follow these rules knowing that if they don’t, there will be consequences.
Image credits:Vladyslav Tobolenko / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Plus, it was clear that the cousin has quite an influence over the boy. Our interviewee shared some advice on how parents should address such influence from family members.
First, a parents needs to manage their own values and believe in what they’re teaching their kids: “The more we trust ourselves, the more comfortable we are when someone questions us.”
Then, it could be useful to prepare a response to use for when someone tries to question or influence your values: “It could be something like ‘Thank you for telling me your thoughts’ or ‘I appreciate you letting me know.’ That way, the other person feels heard but we don’t have to spend energy deciding how to best defend ourselves.”
Well, the woman likely didn’t have a response like that prepared, even though she tried discussing her cousin’s behavior with his mom, which didn’t really change anything. Soon after, something else happened that infuriated her even more.
From that point on, the whole party seemed awkward to her. After that, she got into a fight with herhusbandover his family disregarding her rules and acting disrespectfully towards her. She was also shocked that everyone made her out to be the bad guy for restricting her son’s phone usage in a restaurant. So, she came on Mumsnet to vent about it and probably to get some supportive words.
Instead, people in the forum weren’t as nice as she probably expected. Many of them thought that the woman was overreacting to the whole situation. For some, it even seemed that she had an overly extremephonepolicy, so, in a way, they agreed with what the cousin expressed. Overall, the mom was dubbed fussy, over-the-top, and insufferable.
She also said that there’s a whole underlying backstory with her in-laws that she didn’t cover and doesn’t plan to since the internet was socruelto her. Well, at least she got her father-in-law’s promise to think about apologizing for telling her to shut up. Still, she’s planning to put distance between herself and her husband’s parents, because of that aforementioned history.
What we can take away from this story is that maybe sometimes it’s good to let go of strict rules. Birthdays and similaroccasionsare nice because they give us a chance to let loose a little bit from our daily routine and habits, celebrate life, and have a nice time with the people in our lives. At the same time, we shouldn’t judge people for having these rules in the first place; maybe there’s a good reason they’re there.
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