We don’t have to say that losing a loved one is a dreadful thing to experience. Everyone knows that. Yet, it is an inevitable part of life. And it all comes down to how people deal with it.
Some, just like the wife of today’s OP, struggle more than others. Her grief manifested in her bringing up her late mom anytime she had the chance. While, at first, her family viewed it as a naturalcopingmechanism, it soon started feeling like joy was being taken out of their lives. And, well, that doesn’t sound nice, does it?
More info:Reddit
For some people, grief seems to heal with time, but others aren’t so fortunate
Image credits:Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The author’s wife lost her mom to cancer a while ago, and since then, she constantly brings her up anytime her family does anything joyous
Image credits:Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
Due to this habit, her family felt that they couldn’t do anything cheerful without it turning into a memorial for the wife’s mom
Image credits:Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
One time, the couple’s eldest daughter was planning her 13th birthday, and she asked her mom not to bring up her grandma, as she wanted a happy celebration, but the mom still did it
Image credits:u/living4themomentz
This made the author confront their wife, saying it wasn’t fair that she kept mentioning her mom despite being asked not to, but the woman felt that her behavior was justified
The OP’s wife was very close to her mother. Sadly, 2 years ago, the mother passed away due tocancer. To talk about grief,Bored Pandareached out to certified EMDR TherapistKhalida Himes. Check out herInstagram,TikTok,andYouTube channel.
The loss of a mothertook a toll on the author’s wife more than anyone else. Khalida voiced that it’s normal for the deathof a loved one to have significant psychological, behavioral, emotional, social, and physical consequences.Yet, when the OP suggested his spouse go to therapy, she refused to do so.
Since everyone experiences grief differently, it manifests uniquely for each person. For example, Khalida pointed out that there’s a misconception that if a person isn’t crying, that means they’re not grieving: “Tears don’t mean that someone is not impacted, many people experience emotional numbness as they are processing. A person [who] is numb or in disbelief may be unable to cry when grieving. If someone cries often, a little, or not at all, it has no relationship to how much they’re grieving.”
The grief of the woman in today’s storymanifested in her bringing up her late mom basically all the time.For example, during her pregnancy, shecouldn’tstop saying she wished her mom was there.It is a knownfactthatpeoplewho lose a lovedonecan struggle with adapting to the world without them. After all, having anytype ofrelationship with someone makes people bond,andsuch a loss can feel like losing a part of yourself. And, as the OP pointed out, it is natural that theirwifestruggles with it. And remember the fact about healthy coping skills?Well,astoday’sstory proved— theone this woman employedwasn’tvery healthy.
Yet, with time, her struggle started becoming the whole family’s trouble. Anything the family does goes back to the wife’smomin one way or another. The author described it as the cloud hanging over their heads and preventing them from feeling joy.
Image credits:Dương Nhân (not the actual photo)
Yet, anytime the topic of therapy, which wouldhelpthe wife adjust to life without her mom, was brought up, she refused to talk about it. And so, the whole situation led to a breaking point.
The couple’s eldest daughter was turning 13.Some saythat turning this age is significant, as the child is slowly turning into a teenager and is likely to start puberty if they haven’t already. The OP’s daughter wanted to have a happy celebration for this milestone. So, she asked her mom not to bring up her late grandmother, as she wanted a happy celebration. The woman agreed to stay silent. But when thecakecame, she still did it.
This infuriated the girl, and she didn’t speak for the rest of the dinner. Later, the original poster explained to their wife that the way she acted wasn’t fair. After all, if she was getting very emotional, she could’ve excused herself and kept thepromiseto her daughter.
Yet, this confrontation made the woman feel like she was the one who was treated unfairly. And so, she chose to give both her spouse and daughter the silent treatment, which prompted the birth of this Reddit post.
We feel like diagnosing a stranger with a mental disorder would be wrong, so we’re not saying that the wife definitely has it. Still, it’s pretty clear that she still deeply fights with hergrief. Longing for someone is natural, but it becomes a problem when it starts ruining the relationships with people who are still here. So, we can only wish that, at some point, the woman was able to realize it and went to therapy before some irreparable damage was done.
So, the author turned to Reddit to ask who’s right here, and netizens decided that the woman was 100% in the wrong
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