Getting a special and thoughtful gift for your birthday is always a lovely treat. It’s heartwarming to know how much people care for you and that they put in the effort to get you something nice. That being said, not everybody is good at givingpresents, and that can lead to really awkward situations.
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It’s a fine line between being caring and being overbearing, but when it comes to one’s family or in-laws, it’s tough to know where exactly to draw that line. That’s whyBored Pandareached out toJennifer Flanders, who is a Christian wife, mother of 12 children, and grandmom of soon-to-be 24 grandchildren, for her input.
Jennifer said: “I have a wonderful relationship with myin-laws, although such was definitely not always the case. The turning point for me was when I stopped getting so easily offended and started treating my mother and father-in-law the way I hoped my daughters-in-law would someday treat me.”
To understand more about complicated in-law dynamics, we also reached out toDan O’Connor. He is a YouTube creator, keynote speaker, and renowned communication coach with over 20 years of experience helping individuals transform challenges into opportunities for growth.
Dan’s work focuses on empowerment, healing, and growth—whether it’s through helping people master difficult conversations, build stronger relationships, or overcome personal barriers. We asked him why people often suspect their in-laws of having ulterior motives.
Danmentioned that it’s not so much that we suspect them of ulterior motives; it’s that they actually have them. “Don’t we all? The real question is how to handle it, and that begins with addressing what’s really motivating your in-laws–fear. It’s the same fear we all share when it comes right down to it; we’re all afraid of losing love, and we’re prepared to do whatever it takes to keep what we’ve got.”
“So if you find yourself struggling with your in-laws, take a deep breath and remember things are probably not at all as they appear. The fact that you’re here, looking for answers, is proof you have everything you need to transform this situation—and maybe even your life in the process,” Dan O’Connor mentioned.
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Along with feeling that her in-laws had only gifted her the voucher so that they could spend time with their grandkid, the woman also didn’t like that the idea had been passed off as her birthday present. She found it a bit rude and felt that it could have been given as aChristmasgift instead to her and her husband.
“Let them know, through your words and actions, that you won’t withhold the love they seek from your family. For example, ‘You’ll always have a place in our lives, and I appreciate everything you do to be part of it.’ Show them that no matter what, you will always approach conversations with respect, clarity, and fairness,” Dan explained.
She mentioned that you can say, “‘That is so thoughtful of you, and I so appreciate the offer, but I think we are all so wiped out after that fun day at the safari park, we probably just need to turn in early.’ Your children won’t have their grandparents around forever. Do what you can to facilitate a good relationship while you can. It will benefit both generations.”
Dan O’Connoralso said: “A word of warning, the way you treat your in-laws now lays the foundation for how your own children will treat you in the future. Choose wisely. The decisions you make could either lay the groundwork for a lifetime of love and support or pave the way to a lonely, bitter end filled with regret. The choice is yours.”
“In the end, this isn’t about your in-laws. It never is. It’s about you. They’re here to offer you a choice. Will you let them lift you up, or will you let them drag you into conflict? The answer lies in the person you choose to be with them,” Dan shared.
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