The current average lifespan of a human being is just over 73 years. It’s not a very long period, and we might not get to do everything we want in the time we have, but what we do with it is up to us.
More info:Reddit
Some people want to relive their past so badly that they don’t realize how they’re messing up their present
Image credits:Sergey Makashin (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits:ParsleyDelicious3472
The woman’s husband shut his mother down, which seemed to clarify the boundaries but messed up their relationship
Image credits:Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
Talking about professional help, there seems to be a lot that this situation has to unpack. As some Redditors pointed out, the mother-in-law’s obsession is far from healthy, and so, looking to find out why exactly she is acting the way she is,Bored Pandareached out to a couple of people who could help us fill in these holes.
The first expert wasDr. Patrice Berry, a clinical psychologist and an educational content creator onTikTok,Instagram, andYouTube, who destigmatizes mental health and shares her knowledge with people who may not have access to other resources.
These new terms may be difficult to accept for some but are usually necessary nonetheless and shouldn’t be toned down to please others. “As a new parent, it is important to feel comfortable setting boundaries and being ok with people being upset with your decisions. Not everyone will agree with your decisions or choices, and some people may need to grieve their own expectations.”
Image credits:Kenny Eliason (not the actual photo)
Next, to get a second opinion, we talked toDr. Han Ren, a psychologist and aTikTokcontent creator who focuses on sharing knowledge and addressing mental health issues from a multicultural perspective.
Having come from China to the US at the age of 5, Han had to go through a lot of life experiences that many other immigrants tend to face, which led her to pursue a career in psychology, where she could help people in similar shoes, as well as indulge her fascination with humanity and how people’s minds work.
When asked about the possible underlying reasons behind the actions of people like the mother-in-law from the story, the expert said that some parents find it difficult to differentiate from their children healthily. “They see them as extensions of themselves and may project their own desires, goals, and wishes onto them, living vicariously through their children’s opportunities.”
Dr. Ren explained that his type of behavior most likely comes from a person’s rooted trauma of not being able to have the same opportunities earlier in life, wanting to redo some things from when her child was young now that they have more awareness and resources, or simply longing to re-experience this stage of motherhood. But despite all that, this is neither fair to the children nor a good way to deal with grief, sadness, and trauma.
When it comes to dealing with this issue, Han agreed with our previous expert, saying that the key to solving it is boundaries, and the example that we see shows a lack of them, which can lead to a negative impact on the mother-in-law’s relationship with her son, daughter-in-law, and grandchild.
The expert explained that the parents should be very clear about their expectations and the consequences of ignoring them. However, this process doesn’t necessarily have to be harsh and unpleasant. “All of this can be communicated with love and care. These boundaries will reduce the opportunity for resentment to build,” summarized Dr. Ren, adding that as long as the mother has support from her partner, everything should go quite smoothly.
In the end, it is next to impossible to live your life in a way that you’d feel completely fulfilled in every aspect and have no regrets whatsoever. We all might want to redo some mistakes and relive some experiences, but sometimes, it may be crucial to learn to accept some things we can’t change, as refusing to do so might only raise the risk of messing up what you have. But for now, let’s just hope that the OP’s mother-in-law realizes it before it’s too late.
The commenters thought that the mother-in-law’s obsession appeared to be very unhealthy and shared how they dealt with similar situations in their own lives
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