The decision to havekidsis undoubtedly an important one. But sometimespartnersdon’t always see eye-to-eye on timing or whether to start a family at all. This can often be resolved through honest and open communication, which hopefully keeps the couple together.
However, redditor’sAccomplished-Hat3121case is one example of what not to do if your significant other is set on not wanting children. At first, they were on the same page about living a kid-free lifestyle, but somewhere along the way, the boyfriend changed his mind. Instead of communicating this directly to her, he decided to tamper with contraception without her consent.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with registered clinical counselor and psychotherapistRonald Hoang, who kindly agreed to elaborate on partners having a change of heart about starting a family.
The decision to start a family should be mutual
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Image credits:Accomplished-Hat3121
There’s a strong possibility that a person will change their mind about wanting children
Bored Pandareached out to clinical counselor and psychotherapistRonald Hoang, who explains that one shouldn’t go into a relationship hoping to change the partner’s mind about big life decisions. Instead, they should start with whether they’re fine with living with the difference.
However, he notes, “But of course, life happens and people change their minds. Ideally, a couple should look to have an open conversation about having kids to see whether it’s possible they could be on the same page or perhaps look to compromise.
Questions to unpack would be: What has happened that changed your mind? What makes it important now compared to before? Is there a deeper purpose or goal for you? How does it relate to your values or beliefs? Is there a fear of not having this happen?”
He further suggests that couples may even try exploring more creative arrangements, such as being a single parent while being partnered or opening up the relationship to another person who would gladly take on the responsibility of parenting a child.
“If a couple finds they aren’t on the same page, they can’t compromise, or there aren’t creative solutions, at some point, the partner hoping for a child might need to come to a decision whether they are okay to live without a child and stay in their relationship, or be with achildbut without their relationship, weighing whether their need for a child is more of a priority than the relationship,” Hoang adds.
Sabotaging a partner into having a child shouldn’t be an option in the first place
However, forcing or sabotaging a partner into having achildshouldn’t even be an option in the first place, as it was for the boyfriend in this story. Such behavior interfering with contraception use and pregnancy is calledreproductive coercion.
It’s clear that no one in this equation deserves to be treated this way, and healthcare providers are doing their best to provide support and resources to avoid this from happening. During annual health or prenatal exams, they askquestionsrelated to mental health and intimate partner violence. Along with it, they also offer discreet and confidential methods of contraception, such as IUDs with shorter strings, birth control injections or implants, emergency contraception, or birth control pills in anonymous packaging.
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