We all haveunwritten rulesin our households that might not make sense to anyone else. Whether they developed overnight with your partner or they’ve been passed down for generations, we’re talking about the rules that have become reflexes to follow at home.
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If someone is voluntarily doing a chore, no one shall tell them how to do it differently unless damage is going to be incurred. If unsolicited advice is given without the intent to actively roll up sleeves and help, the task then belongs to the giver of the unsolicited advice.
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Replacing the trash bag IS PART OF taking out the trash.
If you have a cat on your lap and want something from the kitchen someone else has to get it for you. Cat must not be disturbed.
If you tell me you can’t find something after I’ve told you EXACTLY WHERE IT IS, and I walk over there and find it EXACTLY WHERE I TOLD YOU IT WAS, I get to hit you with it.
The dinner table “Dumb Joke of the Day” rule.When I was a child my father would tell a dumb joke at dinner every night. It was probably one of my best memories from an otherwise plain vanilla WASP suburbs childhood.I did the same with my kids. Then when the internet was becoming more of a popular resource, I tasked each of my kids to take turns bringing a really dumb joke. It truly made dinner fun, because jokes are like potatoe chips - You can’t have just one. :-)And dumb jokes are frequently very funny in their own unique way.Now many decades later these jokes have become a highlight of family gatherings as my adult children recall their favorites from the past 35 years.They too do it with their kids!They also still text me stupid jokes when they find them. It keeps them in touch in a nice way.Goofy, but it really worked well in a huge way for us.
If a cat meows at you, you meow back. It’s impolite not to answer.
If you are going to use the kitchen tongs you must perform an OSHA approved test click to ensure that they are functional.
Either my wife or I can do any chore when noticed. We thank each other for routine chores as we appreciate each other.
Bandit, our aged Great Dane, gets the cushion on the far right of the orange couch. No exceptions, no asking him to move, that’s his spot.
Where do you want to go for dinner? How about place A? If you say no, then you have to suggest another place. You can’t just shoot down all the ideas.
When someone shows you the eggs the chickens laid today, you mist admire them and say ‘eggknowledged’.
We mute all tv commercials.
I (29f) live with three grown men (my partner and two roomies) and I guess ours is that no matter what happens the ship shall not sink. WiFi bill is due, who has the most money rn/is available to pay it. Dishes need to be done, who has the day off or has the energy to manage it. We all feed each other’s pets, water each others plants 🤷 and there’s a huge amount of emotional permanence. We can confront one another about any issue cordially and have discussion. There’s almost never any yelling or hostility or pettiness.
Wash your hands upon getting home. The outside world be nasty.
Sometimes, my cat will carry a ball toy into the room and meow loudly. As soon as she drops the ball, every human in the house must clap and go “Yaaayy!!” It is law.
When I was a kid, we had the “Bernie” rule. Whoever had the worst manners at dinner was “Bernie” (short for St. Bernard like the big messy dog) and had to do the dishes.One time my brother farted at the table and my dad proclaimed, “You are Bernie. Nobody can take that from you tonight.” So I decided to test that proclamation. I proceeded to put my feet on the table, and that night I learned that there could actually be two Bernies and we both had to clean the kitchen.
Do not touch the cat. If she comes to you, fine. But do not walk over to her or chase her. She’s old and the cat has enough trauma from just existing.Not that anything bad has happened to her. She’s just one if those cats that’s extremely slow to trust and moving too fast gives her Vietnam flashbacks. .
Toilet lid ALWAYS CLOSED. (Except in use of course). Keeps the dogs and cats from drinking out of it.
Everyone at home must instantly drop what they are doing and run to the kitchen when groceries arrive. One person to help empty the car and everyone else starts putting stuff away. A text will be sent when the driver is close to home- all hands on deck!
Cleaning the kitchen means you wash the counters and stove too as well as washing the dishes that don’t fit in the dishwasher. Loading the dishwasher is not a “clean kitchen”.
I guess ours is everyone eats. If it’s meal or snack time, and we have visitors, they’re offered a plate. We don’t ask them to leave or eat in front of them. When I was growing up, my dad went to the mountains to work M-F. My mother then left M-F as well (to the bar, d**g den or whatever). I was so lonely, I’d try to hang at the neighbors. They would send me home at meal time knowing I had no food, and no parents. This was the late 70s- early 80s. If we don’t have enough, everyone eats less.
My husband and I have a large mug that says “as I suspected I was right all along”. When one of us has an “I told you so moment” the other says “you get the mug tonight”. We love the laughs we have when one of us turns the corner with that big a*s mug lookin smug while the other has a regular “pity” mug haha.
If you get ice from the freezer for whatever reason, you must pay the ice tax to the dogs.
No sound on when using a device, phone / iPad etc, in the living room.No exceptions. Visitors included. Both of our Mum’s are the most flagrant breakers of the rule and get a lot of stick from our kids (teens and older) when they do.
When you use the last paper towel from the roll you have to take the cardboard tube and yell “do-ta-do” in it and then give it to the dog when he comes running so he can shred it!
The loud noise and I’m ok rules.If you know you’re going to make a loud noise, say dropping a heavy bag down the stairs you had to yell “loud noise” to warn everyone that the noise was coming and plannedIf you made a loud noise unplanned you had to yell “I’m OK” so no one came running or did come running I’d you were NOT ok. Side note this rule was created when grandpa dropped a toilet on his finger.
If the cat stretches or yawns, you must say “ohhh big stretch/yawn”.
I don’t allow anyone, family or friends to wash dishes if I invite them to dinner. Best believe it’s because I’m gonna not wash a thing at their homes. Too many times the women are cleaning up while the men hang out.
When removing eggs from the carton, all remaining eggs must be arranged symmetrically. A pattern is preferred.
For us, the dog gets greeted before any human. no exceptions.
When you’re sitting down and you’ve misplaced something small (phone, remote control, etc.) you must get up and check under your butt before asking anyone else if they’ve seen the thing.
You have to choose the topic of your fortune cookie before you read it. “this is about my new job” many a big life decision has been made this way.Inside spiders are named Franklin. Outside spiders are named Fronklin. They are all good boys.
No big light.
So growing up, there were the “better” seats in the living room. And if you had one, and got up, someone would likely grab it. So my siblings and I used to do this thing where we would say “X Save” and even draw out the imaginary X on the seat. But one day my brother pretended he had a fake eraser and erased the fake X. And took the comfy seat. So now we say, “X Save No Erase.” And til this day, it’s just very natural thing to do/say, when we are togetherIt has also passed on to the youngest generation. But oddly, we only do it at my moms house. And we have longtime friends who even do it when they come over. I know it is funny, especially to outsiders. But it seems just so natural to all of us now that we hardly even notice we do it.Here we are, we’ll into adulthood. And on holidays, we are watching like hawks to see if someone gets up and forgets to say it. Which rarely happens. And there are plenty of seats. At this point, it’s more of a game.
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REPLENISH!! Chilled drinks- if you take the last of a drink category from the fridge (soda, beer, snapple, sparking water), you must add more. Demonstrate courtesy for those who come after you.
Pet the bunny and give him a treat before you proceed.Its his rule actually. He’s very old so I let him go.
If you fail to check for toilet paper before sitting down to number two, I will get it for you, but it will be thrown through the door as hard as humanly possible. Multiple rolls, Ideally at your head.My kids now do this to each other too. I smile inside every time I hear screams from the toilet downstairs.I hope it becomes a tradition handed down over many generations.
The dog gets a seat at the table. After my grandad died, it was hard to see it empty. She saw her chance and took it, and now it’s officially her seat.
If your turning on a light in a dark room that has an inhabitant you say “1 2 3 bright light” so the person can cover their eyes or prepare for the shock of light.
If there is a fresh cardboard box on the house, one of the cats can claim it, like targaeryans claiming dragons.
If anyone arrives home from an evening out later than they said they would, that person has to come in bearing snacks.
Cooks don’t clean.
If you are doing the ironing, control of the tv remote is yours for the duration. Watch whatever you want.
If you take the last piece of food you have to wash the dish. This has left my brother to leaving 1 blueberry in the bowl, half a slice of pizza crust, and many more war crime activity .
No trash goes in the bathroom trash can. That is, just tissues or wrappers q tips and such. No big stuff like packages, food, anything wet or sticky.
If one of the toddlers asks for knuckles (fist bump), you give knuckles.We rinse sauces/dips off of the plate before setting it in the sinkIf you see something on the floor pick it up and throw it away or put it where it goesMom (me) will not go into the children’s bedrooms to retrieve laundry. If you are big enough to dress yourself, you are big enough to make sure it goes into the hamper. If it is not in the hamper before bed it will not get washed that day.
If you go poop in the toilet, the toilet seat and lid must be closed before you flush.
Winner of a board game is charged with putting said game away.
If an item in the kitchen has not been opened, YOU MAY NOT OPEN THAT ITEM. Only the person who purchase the milk, Oreos, pasta, cheese, &c may open the item. So ingrained to us as adults I am immediately alarmed seeing someone open things they did not purchase, and born out of years of my folks carefully crafting grocery lists and planning meals only to find the chips for nachos night have long since gone stale, the cream for potato soup is gone, and our lasagna will be mozzerellaless courtesy of the no-mercy children snacks.Edit to add: once an item has been opened, it is now deemed to have served its purpose and is fair game to all.
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This is at my mom’s place. If you are wearing long sleeve shirts you are exempt from doing the dishes.
The toilet paper has to be hidden in the cupboard. Cannot be left out. The cat will just destroy it. In seconds.
The dining table is for special occasions.We just sit in the living room with trays on our laps to eat food.
If someone drops something everyone else has to tell them “you dropped something” so they know you know.Also. If someone walks into something: “there’s something there”.
Don’t put s**t in the left side of the sink.
The house must be “aired out” every day, even in the dead of winter. My mum would always ask us to open our bedroom windows during the day. We’d then close them in the evening to heat the house if it was cold. But during the day windows open, and often the ranchslider in the lounge as well.I still do it now when I live in my own little place. My kitchen and bathroom windows are always partially open, even overnight, and my bedroom ones get open during the day and closed at night so I can run the heat pump.
Three,1. Nacho tax. When dad makes kids food, he gets one decent bite of the food. Not the best or epic bite, but a solid representation of that food.2. The last chocolate chip cookie is dad’s. The last peanut butter filled pretzel bite was younger daughter’s. All other foods, no reservations.3. When kids came to spend the night, I’d make pancakes in the shape of the first letter of their name. Payment for first pancake is that they must commit to either pulp or non pulp OJ, and their name and preference recorded on a list taped to the inside of a cabinet for posterity.My kids are all grown now, and I’ve moved, but still have the OJ list and ~18 years worth of data. It’s 50/50.
When my husband says “sloppy joes” we all respond, “are meant to be sloppy.” bc we are absolute idiots. It’s funny to us 🤷♀️.
There’s a bathroom only my grandma uses. You ask which bathroom is the guest bathroom every time she moves. If she hasn’t moved and you’ve forgotten which bathroom is the guest bathroom you’re expected to ask for a reminder. People have been banned from her house over it. There’s never been anything worth stealing before so we don’t know what she expects.
There is one ice cream parlor we don’t take anyone else to. That would be cheating.
No six letter words.Four letter words are bad, sure. St, fk, damn, hell. But six letter words are much, much worse.Starting with “stupid” .. think about it. You drop a glass in front of your mom and you say “s**t” .. not great, but not gonna ruin your day.But think about calling your mom or dad “stupid” .. oof.Then there’s “shutup” .. that’s actually a really bad one.And they only get worse from there. All the slurs are six letter words. And slurs are way worse than cuss words.So our household rule is, no six letter words.
No sweeping or mopping after sunset.No whistling at night.No cutting your nails after sunset.No cutting your hair after sunset.This one is for me and me alone but no sleeping with any wardrobe doors open.
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