As associate professor at Columbia Business SchoolDr. Michael Slepianpointed out inhis research, the real problem with keeping a secret is not that you have to hide it, but that you have to live with it, and think about it.
In fact, secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships — studieshave linkedsecrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease.
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Everyone thought I was miserable on thanksgiving. The reality is that I was sober and dealing with all the triggers for the first time in 10 years. I’ve been nearly blacked out drunk for every family holiday since I was like 17 or 18.
I won a large amount of money (high 6 figures). If I tell them they’ll demand I give them some
We contacted the author of the post, Amerisbf, who was kind enough to share more insights about the now-viral thread and provided a glimpse into its genesis.“When I got the idea for it, I was at work,” the Redditor toldBored Panda. “It’s a job in the fast-food industry, and I was stationed at the back window. The monotony of the job made me bored out of my mind, so I tried to come up with something that would resonate with people and initiate a conversation.“And they picked a fitting topic for it—we constantly gossip. In fact, a 2019meta-analysispublished in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that, on average, people engage in it for 52 minutes.
We contacted the author of the post, Amerisbf, who was kind enough to share more insights about the now-viral thread and provided a glimpse into its genesis.
“When I got the idea for it, I was at work,” the Redditor toldBored Panda. “It’s a job in the fast-food industry, and I was stationed at the back window. The monotony of the job made me bored out of my mind, so I tried to come up with something that would resonate with people and initiate a conversation.”
And they picked a fitting topic for it—we constantly gossip. In fact, a 2019meta-analysispublished in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that, on average, people engage in it for 52 minutes.
My sister and father both did ancestry dna testing. Found some new relatives because my dad was adopted. When I mentioned I would do it a well my mother got very defensive and out right mad demanding I swear I won’t do it. I don’t look anything like my dad. Gonna be a wild Xmas this year when I get the results back of my test I did behind everyone’s back.
I have bought my parents house and their two city apartments. My siblings are unaware of this. Letting my folks live in the house for free and told them to spend the money for things they actually want to do and not leave any inheritance to any of us. My siblings don’t deserve a s**t and I’m fine with them hating me(feeling is mutual) but told my folks to keep it secret for their own sake. Gonna be fun when my parents leave this world, that [drama] is gonna be epic.
Though they tried for years to convince me my father was the scum of the earth horrible evil person, they were actually the problem and he’s a great guy.
However, we shouldn’t vilify the act. According to the research, three-quarters of our gossip is actually neutral. One subject, for example, spoke about someone who was watching a lot of movies to stay current. It’s something that comes very naturally to us; an integral part of conversation, information sharing, and even community building.Just a small portion of our conversations—around 15%—are deemed negative gossip (though positive gossip amounted to an even smaller portion, at only 9%). So, while it is true that we can spend a significant amount of time talking about our peers, oftentimes that chatter is… kinda boring.
However, we shouldn’t vilify the act. According to the research, three-quarters of our gossip is actually neutral. One subject, for example, spoke about someone who was watching a lot of movies to stay current. It’s something that comes very naturally to us; an integral part of conversation, information sharing, and even community building.
Just a small portion of our conversations—around 15%—are deemed negative gossip (though positive gossip amounted to an even smaller portion, at only 9%). So, while it is true that we can spend a significant amount of time talking about our peers, oftentimes that chatter is… kinda boring.
I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
My Grandma is absolutely the “Alpha” in the relationship between my Grandparents. They had three sons, and their oldest being my Uncle named “Paul”. There are very few moments that we get to talk to my Grandfather alone due to my Grandma always speaking over him and for him. This one time my Grandma was in the hospital due to a recent surgery. Grandpa was talking to us in the Hallway and so we asked how did they choose the names of our dad (middle child). He explained why, but then told us a secret about how he came up naming their first son. When he just moved to California he fell in love with this one girl, and while their relationship didn’t work out he still had a piece of him that still loved her. Her last name was “Paul” and he liked that name so he named his FIRST BORN SON after her and never told my Grandma about it.
Not this thread, though. Amerisbf was interested in the juicy stuff, the secrets that could potentially tear families apart. It’s interesting to note how a seemingly mundane moment at work led to the creation of a space where people felt compelled to unburden themselves with deeply personal experiences.“After going through the discussion, I noticed that a few topics have become considerably more popular than the rest,” the Redditor said. “They’re either of a violent or sexual nature.“Among more than 50,000 research participants Dr. Michael Slepian has surveyed, the most common secretsincludea lie we’ve told (69 percent), romantic desire (61 percent), sex (58 percent), and finances (58 percent).
Not this thread, though. Amerisbf was interested in the juicy stuff, the secrets that could potentially tear families apart. It’s interesting to note how a seemingly mundane moment at work led to the creation of a space where people felt compelled to unburden themselves with deeply personal experiences.
“After going through the discussion, I noticed that a few topics have become considerably more popular than the rest,” the Redditor said. “They’re either of a violent or sexual nature.”
Among more than 50,000 research participants Dr. Michael Slepian has surveyed, the most common secretsincludea lie we’ve told (69 percent), romantic desire (61 percent), sex (58 percent), and finances (58 percent).
My girlfriend was in dental school and needed patients. My step dad volunteered and checked the HIV/AIDS box. She asked if it was a mistake and he smiled and said “nope. And you can’t tell anyone due to hipaa”. Turns out he cheated on my mom back in 2015 and contracted the virus. I still don’t know if my mom is positive because if I bring it up he will 100% come after my now wife for her career/money.
My bio parents don’t know that I refer to them as “bio parents” most of the time and that another pair of humans, I consider to be my real parents.That’s what happens when you neglect and emotionally abuse your kid and lowers glasses at bio Mom tell me at age 14 you never wanted me.
My Dad has pretty much been in the closet all his 86 years. Me, my wife and daughter are the only family that knows, and it would be a monumental, epic [drama] with the conservative family if it was known.
My sibling and I are the sole heirs of my grandparents. They are not our actual grandparents and never had kids, so no one can dispute their decision. I have lots of cousins.
My grandpa secretly changed his will that me and my two cousins will get the lion‘s share of his heritage. My father and my aunt, both went no contact with my grandpartents, are only getting the legally required potion.
Not so much a secret as much as everyone in my family choosing to ignore the obvious.My grandparents recently passed away- grandmother about two years ago, grandfather less than a year later. When we were putting together the obituary, we noticed that the time span between when they were married and when my mother was born was…. Considerably less than nine months.The younger generations obviously don’t care, but my parents, aunts, uncles, etc. refuse to acknowledge it, and even went as far as changing their date of marriage in the newspaper obituary.
Some cousins got their aunt a 23&me for her birthday. The cousins found out their dad and their aunt have different dads.
I met my blood family when I was around 16. Around 18 I found out that there is a family member with special needs of some kind, although I’m not sure who’s child it is, where they are, or what their exact condition is. However upon me asking about her, after she contacted me via social media, I was simply told “We don’t really talk about her, kind of a family rule.” That’s all I have been and will be told, and I haven’t heard from her or from them about her for years.
My grandparents cheated on each other at different points in time. The results are that I have an uncle who is a decade younger than me, but they may not be biologically related to me since my grandfather may not be biologically my grandfather. I am the only one who knows this as both have told me and only me
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My mom’s side of the family believes in airing it all out. There’s not a secret than hasn’t been told. However, my dad’s side…my half siblings don’t know that our dad had an affair when he was first married to my sister’s mom and possibly had another child in Germany (where he was stationed) that would be around my sister’s age.
My grandmother is really my aunt.
That I question my existence at least daily. I despise taking care of everyone’s needs, while mine are neglected. My husband is great, but he’s part of the problem. He often expects too much from me.
My mother has actively cheated on my father multiple times. Me and my sister think it’s only online for the most part but at least once she slept with some who was living with them at the time a few years ago.
I keep hearing my grandpa has a second family that he’s been hiding for 60+ years but no one will talk about it with me. I’m 30M and could care less as this point I’m just curious that my mom has other siblings out there I guess
The sheer amount of s**t my family talks behind each other’s backs. I’m the youngest of the family and no one thinks I listen, so I’ve heard EVERYTHING. it’s out of the good grace of my heart that I keep it to myself. I have so much blackmail and use none of it. a shame really.Edit: some of you have asked for the juicy details, so here’s a few of the best tidbits:- The entire family thinks my cousin is an irresponsible dumpster fire and that his Fiancée is too good for him. Yes, you read that right, everyone likes the FIANCEE more than the family member. YIKES.- Absolutely everyone hates my dad’s parents. We all barely tolerate them for the inheritance. Everyone’s hoping they kick it sooner rather than later. It’d certainly make the holidays more pleasant.- My aunt is cheap as they come. There’s a running joke that if any one of us will be a millionaire, it’ll be her. Almost never pays for herself and she’s still single and has been for decades. The family’s accepted she’ll probably die single at this rate. My family also has a weird problem with her living in a condo at 48 for some reason.- I’m not often there for the gossip about my own family for obvious reasons, but I can only assume much of it revolves around how my mom deserves a better husband than my dad.edit 2: since there has been a multitude of misunderstandings, let me be clear: no, I don’t gossip about my friends, no I don’t think living in a condo is bad, no I don’t enjoy the constant tension, and no I won’t share any more personal details about the situation. My poor sweet inbox, you have been abused.
Idk about tearing the family apart but I’m pretty sure my estranged older half brother, ~20 years older than me, and his daughter tried to wrangle me into some sort of scam. They had both recently gotten out of state prison after doing short stints for drugs. While they were in the slammer my dad’s mom passed away. My dad had already passed and he was an only child. My grandma had like 3 different life insurance policies that were all paid out according to her wishes, that I know of. Well my dad’s will was never legally executed and therefore my brother couldn’t get any info/payment from my grandma’s will/life insurance since my dad wasn’t named in them since he had passed. I think they were trying to sue one of the insurance policies stating that the policy hadn’t been paid out. Well they needed my signature to execute my dad’s will since I’m named as a child in it so they could have the legal basis to sue. What they didn’t anticipate was that I worked for my local sheriffs office at the time. I listened to their b*****t as dumb inmate story then called the law firm they had “hired” to make all of this happen. His story was stupid af too. So I got all the info I needed then started making calls. I called the insurance company and the lady I talked to was soo nice. She gave me a few well timed hints and suggestions on who I should call next and told me what she could legally tell me about my grandmother’s policy. Made some more phone calls then called my brother back to get his story again…which still didn’t make sense so I told him what all I had found out and they dropped the whole matter all of a sudden.
I had a suspicion that my mom was cheating on my dad about 8 months before she left him—for the other dude. But I was drinking at the time (at a bar with mom) and questioned what I’d seen, and I didn’t have proof.
My grandparents will- they’ve left my mum there house and are fully leaving out there other kids. It’s going to be chaos when it all comes out. They did write a very sassy letter to be read when they die but I know it won’t be pleasant for my family as we will get the blame for what my grandparents decided.
Not going to break apart the family, but I’m curious about what happens to family gatherings once my grandma passes away. She’s 94 and in pretty good health for her age. She’s also one of the most petty and mean spirited women I’ve ever met. I’m curious what comes out when her health starts spiraling.There’s a very thinly veiled hatred of my mother and both my Aunts. One has a child from a previous marriage that has been cut out of the will, which has been causing problems for the last two decades (Christmas gifts are always cash and he’s been getting mega shafted. One year a few years ago me, my sister and bio-cousin all got $1000, he got $1), he’s never invited on vacations but my Aunt and Uncle are, etc. My other aunt is a bit of an alcoholic when my grandma is around (and only when she’s around) and is definitely not afraid to speak her mind.Meanwhile all this s**t means I see the extended family maybe once a year and my cousins I was close with growing up are now rather distant (although that’s on me because I’m terrible at communicating and reaching out to anyone).
My stepdad take me aside right after the wedding and told me “F**k you, I married your mother” and gave me the finger.
I hate every single one of them. I hate their guts. I view them as no more than petty pricks and immature hungry monkeys. Of course, if I reveal it, I’m gonna get stoned. I’d rather sit alone than join everyone for the holidays, or I’d rather visit my friends’ families.
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Viktorija Ošikaitė
Rugilė Žemaitytė
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