Few people enjoy being disliked, no matter the reason. But it might be especially aggravating when the hurtful disposition is based on something that’s a given; an individual’s gender or appearance, for instance.
Females of Redditrecently discussedthe topic whenone userasked them what was their most frequent form of internalized misogyny—a thought or behavior that they know is misogynistic and hurts to think or feel, but they can’t seem to shake off. Netizens were honest with their answers and covered all sorts of examples, some of which fellow redditors seemed to relate to, so scroll down to find them on the list below and read more about how internalized misogyny can affect women.
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That if no one has cooked dinner or the kitchen hasn’t been cleaned, it’s my fault even though a second fully functional adult lives in my house.
my most annoying one is that I think men age better than women and that I am afraid of looking old. When I look at a mature woman, I see all her “flaws” and reconstruct how she “is supposed to look” (aka YOUNG). While when I look at a man of any age, I see just him how he is and simply accept it without judgement.Its really unfortunate and annoying and I hate it. I try to look past it but it is difficult.
I absolutely believe that I have to be thin to be attractive to my partner, but think that he’s attractive even though he’s overweight.
I think the worst is that I internalized the idea that girls and women are innately more responsible and organized.I’m not innately organized, I’ve spent 40 years with undiagnosed ADHD and I’ve developed an elaborate system of tricks and notebooks to keep my life together.So I feel like I’m failing as a woman and a human when I do something like miss the signup day for pizza day at school for my kids (thank you principal for letting me pay and sign up a day late), or forgetting to do my own laundry.And then the internalized misogyny coupled with a bit of residual eldest daughter syndrome means I really, REALLY suck at asking for help. Half the battle is remembering I can ask for help from my husband. He’s great and he does a lot, but he needs to see slack to pick it up, if that makes sense.But I’m working on it.
That, because I am a woman, I should be more caring.I just don’t. I am struggling to keep myself afloat as it is.
I still subconsciously assume that attractive women are automatically going to be meaner or more shallow just because they are attractive. I know it’s because I’m insecure myself and society has pushed this idea that all attractive women are stuck up but it’s so hard to shake this off.
Margaret Atwood said something about the male gaze and that there’s a figurative man in the back of your mind so you’re never alone and always being watched. For me, that man has been my dad, other male family members, male friends, and romantic interests that I feel are always judging me in the back of my mind.
Judging women that try to impress men, despite the fact that women are taught that their value is linked to what men think
My initial reaction to seeing long underarm or leg hair on another woman is to feel grossed out. I have to actively remind myself it’s none of my damn business how someone chooses to deal with their body hair.I judge too quickly on women who follow trends. Like I have to remind myself everytime I see a Stanley cup that women are allowed to enjoy things even if I don’t get it.
I am trying to gain muscle right now, which requires gaining weight. It has been hell on me psychologically due to the internalized misogyny telling me that the less I weigh, the better.
Feeling responsible for the actions of the men in my life.My light bulb moment was realizing that I was standing there apologizing because my husband was directing his typical morning grumpiness toward his own father.It was absurd that I felt that, somehow, I was to blame for a grown adult not knowing how to keep his mouth shut until he was awake enough to be a civilized human being. And not only was I to blame, I owed the person who raised him an apology for not teaching him better myself, now that he was my responsibility.
That heavy makeup= shallow, ditzy.I think it helps that make-up is being seen more as an art form now, but I think that there’s still a part of me that views it as a signifier that the woman Only cares about attracting men.Thankfully I’m conscious enough of the inherent misogyny to shut down those thoughts.
I can’t get it out of my head that women are less capable. I will trust any man in any position you can imagine before any woman doing the same task. This goes only for strangers, mind, I work with plenty of very capable women and I’m very aware of their skills.But with strangers? The thoughts do not even take form. I’ll just trust my middle aged male doctor more than my young female doctor. Age plays a part in it, even though it should not.And I do it to myself too. I’ll believe that I’m not doing a home repair proficiently enough and ask a male friend or relative for advice, and it will turn out that they know less than me. Which makes sense! Why should they know! Even those who do home repairs on the regular haven’t done EVERYTHING.Anyway, I hate it with a passion and go against this instinct every time I realise I’m falling into it, because it can’t be trusted.
Probably that I assume women should be better than men. Like because my experiences with women have been very comforting and friendship based, I get violently disappointed when women do something bad - far more disappointed than when a man does something bad.Like when I found out my friend’s girlfriend cheated on them I was like, so hatefully devastated that she would do something so awful. When my friend’s boyfriend cheated on her I was like, god he sucks. No deep disappointment or head shake like I did with the woman. Or when a man supports an abuser I’m like welp okay. When a woman supports an abuser I feel betrayed.It’s very internalized misogyny of me to hold all women to higher expectations.
Ugh, I have several and I’m really trying to work on them. The biggest one is comparison. I compare myself to other women and have to consciously correct myself when I start to build resentment towards women who are better at something than I am. Especially when that something is a traditionally masculine activity. I am a powerlifter, and this is a huge struggle for me in the gym. Patriarchy tells us that male attention and approval are to be sought after, and in the gym the stronger (and “hotter”) you are, the more of that attention and approval you receive. I’ve worked hard to help cultivate an environment that is supportive to newcomer women in the gym, but when I see other women who are stronger than me, I have to fight the urge to feel jealous and resentful of them. I have to remind myself that my resentment towards them is a product of my internalized misogyny and only helps to uphold the patriarchal standards of gym culture. From newcomers to veteran elites, all women deserve support from one another both in and out of the gym.
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I always find myself comparing myself to other women through a male gaze. I’m not the jealous type but I look at a woman and I absent-mindedly analyze why anyone would want to date her, sleep with her, be friends with her, hire her etc. It’s like there are little men in my brain constantly rating women. It’s pathetic.
Everytime I get mad when I see my little lower belly pouch I gotta forcibly remind myself that that’s there to protect a whole internal organ and shouldn’t have ever been shamed
I’m slightly ashamed to admit this but I more harshly judge women who relinquish custody of their children to pursue a life without them than I do men. I cannot imagine leaving my kids to go live a life on my own, I was bonded to them when they were in my belly and could never think of life without them and it’s hard for me to imagine that for another woman who’s bore a child in her womb.
I have resented some women for the idea of their pretty privilege. I consider myself to be smart, hardworking, and disciplined but it always feels like that’s overlooked since I am overweight and feel the need to shirk myself for taking up space. It doesn’t help that I’ve always been told to relegate myself to the background but it totally hurts to shoulder the burden of needing to accept things aren’t “for me” because someone decided I wasn’t good enough for it based on how I look.
Mothering.I’ve been taught to mother as a child. I hate that not only do I mother my own children now as an adult, but I mother actual strangers. I’ve caught myself doing it, and it’s really frustrating.I do this Not because I give a single solitary s**t about the person who isn’t my kid but because it’s muscle memory now.
I feel bad when I’m not empathic as I should be and I feel guilty when I get angry because it’s not lady like.I don’t like walking around town with my child on my own because I don’t want to attract judgement being a single mother.I don’t like talking too much about my job to my male friends because I don’t want to come across as better or more capable than them.My bitten finger nails are uglier on a me than on a guy that also bites his nails.
The beauty standards I have for myself.
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I grew up during the 80’s and 90’s, so I’m very aware of weight and looks. My own as well as other people’s. When I was a teenage girl there you had to be thin to even be considered human and I wasn’t.
I get big body dysmorphia and I hate the idea of aging :(
Making sure I look good in a way that is probably more male-gazy than I would want. It sometimes makes my life a little easier than if I weren’t.
I’ve been trying hard to get over this but I judge women more harshly for being selfish or disagreeable than men. The whole society does this too.
That my value to my partner and to society at large is tied to my appearance/age/fertility, etc. That I have to always go above and beyond to care for others and my needs come last. That I have to satisfy my partner in bed before my own desires cuz his wants are more important blah blah.
I don’t want my partner to look at my face when I feel ugly lol
When you ask a (straight) woman “what’s sexy?” and she gives an answer a man would give, like “lingerie”, “boudoir”.
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