Deciding whether or not to start afamilyis not a choice that should be taken lightly. Being a parent is not for everyone, and choosing to prioritize your career, your partner and yourpetsover having kids of your own is a perfectly valid choice. And if you decide that you actually want to have more kids than you originally thought, well, you can always change your mind.
Below, you’ll find a story that a father recentlypostedon Reddit detailing the hot water he found himself in after deciding to have a child with his new wife without informing his ex. Keep reading to find all of the details, as well as a conversation with Dr. Doron Boone of theBristol Vasectomy Clinic!
This man decided to have his vasectomy reversed to start a family with his new wife
Image credits:Amina Filkins / pexels (not the actual photo)
But his ex was offended that she didn’t find out about this change before her kids
Image credits:Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:mybodyaita
It’s common for divorced parents to remarry and have more children
Image credits:Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Families are complicated. Contrary to what television shows and movies might lead you to believe, the typical family with two loving parents and a few kids is not what the majority of people grow up with nowadays. About half of first marriages end indivorce, and according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 1,300new stepfamiliesform every single day.
A whopping three quarters ofdivorcedindividuals end up getting remarried, and half of the 50 million kids in the United States under the age of 13 live with one of their parents and their parent’s current partner. There are thousands of different ways to be a family, and as painful as it may be for divorced parents to admit, there’s always a chance that their ex-spouse will start a new family with their new partner.
NBC Newsreports that over 40% of American adults have at least one step-relative, and a third of Americans have a step sibling or half-sibling. While it can be understandably difficult for the ex-wife in this story to understand how her husband suddenly wants to have another child, it is quite common, and she is no longer entitled to be informed of any medical procedures he has.
“Vasectomy should only be undertaken with the intention of it being a permanent form of long-term contraception, having taken into consideration that one’s circumstances can possibly change in the future”
Image credits:Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo)
To learn more about this topic, we got in touch withDr. Doron Boone, Medical Director of theBristol Vasectomy Clinic. Dr. Boone has performed over 17,000 vasectomies since 1985 and was kind enough to have a chat withBored Pandaabout these procedures.
“The no-scalpel minimal access procedure with fascial interposition I perform has the very highest rate of success in sperm clearance and is akin to that usually performed in North America, as opposed to the procedure most often performed in the UK,” the expert shared.
“In the US, up to6 percentof men who undergo vasectomy change their minds and wish to father more children. The incidence is generally higher in men who have undergone vasectomy under the age of 30 years,” he continued.
“Successful reversal is dependent on the method employed for the initial vasectomy and the time interval between the vasectomy and the reversal, but generally, in expert hands using microsurgical techniques, conception rates of 67% can be achieved,” Dr. Boone shared. “In my experience (of patient enquiries), the most common reason to request reversal is following the development of a new relationship.”
“A skilled vasectomy surgeon should perform the procedure in such a way to cause minimal trauma to the remaining vas in order to facilitate a reversal should the man subsequently wish to have the procedure reversed,” the doctor added.
Moms and dads should be careful to keep the kids out of their conflicts when co-parenting
In this particular case, however, the issue seems to be more about the Jen’s trouble accepting that her ex-husband will be starting a new family than the fact that he had his vasectomy reversed. Going through divorce is one thing, but seeing your ex-partner move forward with a new stage in their life can be difficult to watch, even if you’re over the relationship.
When it comes to having a healthy blended family,HelpGuiderecommends being respectful and civil towards everyone involved. It’s best to be compassionate towards all parties and allow family members room for growth. It might not be easy for everyone to accept the new arrangement immediately, whether your kids or your ex-wife starts throwing a fit. Understand that it might take time to adjust.
Children feel more secure and are mentally and emotionally healthier when their parents have a good relationship, even if they’re divorced, so it’s best to find a way toco-parentwithout creating conflicts. And one way HelpGuide suggests parents do that is to avoid ever putting their kids in the middle.
Don’t make them pick a side, and don’t inform them of issues that they don’t need to know about. Kids should be allowed to just be kids without having to worry about what’s going on between Mom and Dad.
Many readers took the dad’s side and noted that his ex-wife was being unreasonable
However, some thought the dad should have had a conversation with his ex-wife first
Thanks! Check out the results:Justinas Keturka
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