They say there’s no good deed that goes unpunished, and sometimes, that’s basically an understatement. Some people just have a special talent for stretching others’ generosity to the limit. You know the type, the ones who happily accept your help, rearrange your plans, and then toss out a last-minute “never mind” as if your time is as flexible as Play-Doh.
More info:Reddit
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Doing favors is like lending someone money; easy to give, but way harder to get back
Image credits:wayhomestudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man was very frustrated with his sister, since he’d arranged his entire weekend to do her a favor, and she couldn’t even say “sorry”
Image credits:stefamerpik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits:RonselDonsel
The OP’s (original poster) sister asked him to watch her 3kidsfor a weekend so she and her husband could enjoy some alone time. Being the cool uncle he is, he agreed, but with one totally fair condition: at least 2 weeks’ notice to juggle his own work and social life.
So, our guy clears his weekend, takes time off work, stacks his house with kid-friendlysnacks, and even dusts off his “cool uncle” skills. But right as he’s mentally prepping for an invasion of kid energy, sis dearest cancels on him, minutes before drop-off time.
Friday afternoon, instead of seeing little faces at his doorstep, he gets a text from sis, saying they changed their minds and they’ll do a family trip instead of a romanticgetaway. Not a hint of an apology, just a breezy “We’ll do it another time.” Oh, the nerve! I don’t know about you, but I’d be annoyed at this point.
But then, two days later, his phone rings. Surprise! Sister’s plans hit a snag, and she needs that favor again. Only now, our OP’s had enough. He politely declines, telling sis he won’t be available that weekend.
You can imagine this didn’t go over well with sis, who accuses her brother of being selfish and punishing her kids for something that isn’t their fault. The OP’s parents even jump in, playing the “things come up when you’re a parent” card on his sister’s behalf.
But, you see, when you’re being taken advantage of, and people don’t respect your time and generosity, it’s time to set some boundaries, even if it’s with family.
Boundaries aren’t just reserved for exes or annoying co-workers; they’re pretty important in family dynamics too. And when family members ignore your efforts or time, that’s not just a lack of communication, it’s a lack of respect.
To find out more about this topic,Bored Pandareached out to Dr. Kore Glied, a clinical psychologist and the co-founder ofType C Toolbox, a resource for overly-responsible, conflict-avoidant people. She told us that saying no can be challenging, especially for those who prioritize others’ happiness over their own. Consider what saying yes might prevent you from doing, how you’ll feel about it months from now, and whether agreeing could ultimately harm your own well-being.
We asked Dr. Glied how someone can set boundaries with family members without feeling excessive guilt or fearing a negative reaction. She explained that the goal isn’t to eliminate guilt entirely, but rather to become comfortable with experiencing it. Standing up for yourself often brings feelings of guilt or fear, which are natural and part of a healthy emotional response.
“We must remember that guilt is a normal human emotion and that we are strong enough to tolerate it. Sometimes in order to take care of yourself, you have to be brave if what you have already tried is only keeping you feeling stuck and powerless,” Dr. Glied explained.
We wanted to know why some people, especially family, feel justified in asking for favors even if it crosses someone’s boundaries. Dr. Glied told us that some individuals feel comfortable prioritizing their own needs, even if it means pushing against others’ limits. This might stem from experiences in their upbringing, like feeling neglected and needing to assert themselves strongly to have their needs met. Maintaining firm boundaries can be tough, but with time and consistency, it becomes easier to hold your ground.
We also asked what could be effective ways to reinforce boundaries when they’re not respected initially. Dr. Glied suggested that repetition is key. A helpful tactic is the “broken record technique,” in which you calmly and consistently restate your boundary.
In the OP’s case, saying no when his sister asked him for a second favor showed he respects himself and his commitments, which should be commended, not criticized.
The OP wasn’t being spiteful or mean to his sister’s kids, as she suggested, he just wasn’t okay with his sister’s last-minute flip-flopping. So, our guy isn’t the villain here, he’s just an uncle who thought he was doing something nice for his sister, with the added bonus of spending time with his nieces and nephews.
It’s no secret that kindness makes us feel good. Helping others gives us a serious mood boost, almost like a natural shot of feel-good vibes.Expertssay that lending a hand can trigger the brain’s “helper’s high,” releasing a good dose of endorphins and dopamine, our brain’s happy chemicals. It’s like free therapy, with zero waiting lists and I’m all for it.
Thanks! Check out the results:Rugile Baltrunaite
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Mantas Kačerauskas
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