Someparentstake a lot of pride in their kids, which is generally a good thing, until it becomes a sort of crutch to prevent any development or self reflection. Parents can often do as much harm as good, even if they refuse to admit it.
A womansharedhow she shut down her boomer dad after he would not stop insulting her mother and made some claims about just how good of a father he was. We got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions.
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Some parents take way too much credit for how their kids turned out
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So one woman decided that she had to humble her father who loved to trash talk her mom
Image credits:KoolShooters / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)
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Some adults struggle to separate their kid’s lives from their own
Bored Pandagot in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to give some more details. “Since the events in my post occurred, my father and I have had a few conversations, but none that have brushed on the same topic. I know a tiger cannot change his stripes, so all I can do is continue to call him out on his claim that you need to raise kids to be insecure, despite the fact that I know he can’t truly hear it and take it to heart.”
“I’d just like to add – despite the fact that I used labels such as “boomer” and “narcissist” to describe my father, everyone needs to remember that people are extremely nuanced. My father is deeply flawed, as am I, but I make the choice to keep him in my life and will continue to do so until it no longer benefits my mental health. I am able to set up boundaries and stick to them, and would recommend to others that if they choose to stay in contact with someone similar to my father, to make sure they’re prioritizing their own needs first and foremost.”
It’s sometimes said that parents will at times live “vicariously” through their children. After all, it’s a regular part of life that most folksdo notget to do everything they’ve ever wanted to do. What often happens is that parents will have a sort of secondhand joy and pride through the actions of their kids.
In small amounts, there is nothing wrong with it. Indeed, being proud of your children is actually quite important for their self development, as we can see in this story. For example, some parents will take it too far and start to claim credit for things that they were not a part of. Or, as in this case, they will start to twist the facts into a narrative that, somehow, paints them in a better light. They may also makeunreasonabledemands and think themselves entitled to things which have nothing to do with them
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The father does not really seem to understand the effects of his parenting
This father appears to have realized that his offspring have genuine issues with insecurities, but, as previously mentioned, he has constructed a reality where this is a good thing. This is most likely because it’s something he struggles with, so reframing it as “necessary” is just acoping mechanism.
It’s telling that the moment she criticizes it, he deflects and once again, blames the mom. He also reveals that he knew exactly what was going on, or so he thought. This was, it turns out, a perfect trap, as her reply, in her own words, “broke him.” It would appear that he built a large part of his own self image “on” his kids, perhaps in competition with his ex-wife.
Unfortunately, many people never get over their own insecurities and tend to see the rest of the world through that lens. Indeed, other research suggests that divorce can often leave the children who live through it with lingering issues of insecurity and a need for constant validation. Ultimately,secretscan hurt.
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Netizens shared their thoughts and chatted with the woman
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