We have all probably said something in anger that we didn’t actually mean. This is not an excuse, as these words, even if not “meant” can and will hurt another person. Oftentimes,family membersbear the brunt of these moments.
Words said in anger might not be true, but they still hurt
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Image credits:RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
He later shared a small update
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Trust is a huge part of raising an adoptive child
However, precisely because she is adopted, he should have been a lot more careful with his words. Unlike most biological children, who take their parents’ love for granted, adopted kids generally haveattachment issues. After all, the first parent in their life, for one reason or another, is no longer there.
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Someone who has lost their parents would be more sensitive to “family emergencies”
In general, without a concept of “basic trust,” most people tend to feel stressed and isolated. This is particularly true for children. “Basic trust” according toresearchersBarbara and Philip Newman “links confidence about the past with faith about the future.” Adopted children often do not have this confidence in the past, so it has to be built in the present. In general, part of trust is havinggood boundaries, which are vital to any relationship. Not being shouted at is a pretty normal boundary to have, even if the twelve-year-old doesn’t have the language to express it.
A parental figure, not only shouting, but setting conditions for adoption (and therefore for love and caregiving) is breaking that trust. Similarly, a child who has had her biological parents die would be even more sensitive to a parental figure in the hospital. This was a moment of great sensitivity and the father decided that a short-term solution was more important than allowing a sense of trust to grow.
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This can be an opportunity for the father to learn
Some people tend to not be able to keep their temper in check when they are stressed, which often does lead to conflicts like this. It would appear that the father didn’t mean his words when he shouted at his daughter, but why should she then ever believe what he says? This is particularly bad, as the parent of an adopted child has to be very careful about what they say and he immediately failed.
Without introspection and learning, this situation could very easily repeat itself the next time they are both stressed together. All in all, he is not a terrible, unforgivable father, it is very human to make mistakes. But this should serve as a learning moment to ensure that he and his adopted daughter can actually have a healthy relationship in the future.
Image credits:Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo)
Many people thought he was a jerk
But a few also saw his side of things
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