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But the OP, being a self-respecting teenager with actual plans, said “nope, not today.” Thestepmom, pulling the classic “my house, my rules” card, insisted that the teen had basically no choice but to obey her. And because teenagers aren’t exactly known for their love of forced responsibilities, the OP did what any passive-aggressive teen would do—popped in her earbuds and went on a jog with her besties.
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To gain deeper insights into parentification,Bored Pandareached out toMegan Paterson, LMFT, a licensed therapist with years of experience, for some answers. She told us that parents often don’t realize they’re engaging in parentification. If they were aware of the weight they are placing on their children, they would likely stop.
We asked Paterson why some parents resort to parentification. She explained that this behavior usually stems from a lack of awareness, not a lack of love for the child. There are multiple reasons why parentification might occur, such as dysfunctional family dynamics, unresolved trauma, or mental health issues within the caregiving parent. Sometimes, external factors like financial struggles can contribute.
We wanted to know what the most common effects are on kids who experience parentification. Paterson shared that some children may seem to handle extra responsibilities well, with parents interpreting this as teaching responsibility. However, the emotional toll often includes the child growing up too quickly, missing out on important developmental opportunities, which is vital for learning and growth.
“Long-term effects on children include missing out on age-appropriate activities and developing co-dependency that may impact their choices in partnership in future relationships. Not having the ability or skills to apply boundaries or the ability to ask for help from others and taking it all on, which may result in burnout, depression, and/or anxiety later on in life,” Paterson explained.
We asked Paterson how parents can better balance responsibilities without putting too much on their kids. She told us that, if divorce is a factor contributing to parentification, attending co-parenting classes or workshops could help the family find a better balance. Additionally, relying on extended family members or support networks to share some of the responsibilities would ease the load on the children and ensure a healthier family dynamic.
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Indrė Lukošiūtė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
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