There is no arguing that motherhood is challenging. Raising a brand new human into a well-developed, grown person is a huge responsibility requiring tons of time, effort, and patience.Fortunately, thanks to their shared understanding, no mother is ever truly left to deal with this alone, regardless of her situation. This occurrence is known as the unspoken mom code, and inthis Reddit thread, women share what they do to make it a little easier for fellow mothers.More info:RedditThis post may includeaffiliate links.
There is no arguing that motherhood is challenging. Raising a brand new human into a well-developed, grown person is a huge responsibility requiring tons of time, effort, and patience.
Fortunately, thanks to their shared understanding, no mother is ever truly left to deal with this alone, regardless of her situation. This occurrence is known as the unspoken mom code, and inthis Reddit thread, women share what they do to make it a little easier for fellow mothers.
More info:Reddit
This post may includeaffiliate links.
Give parents with disabled kids as much grace as possible. That’s an unimaginably hard job.
I will stand in the path of your toddler who is attempting to run away
Always hold doors for parents with strollers.
My teen pointed this out to me- I didn’t even realize I do it- but if I see a child without an adult in arms reach I just stop and stare until I figure out who their adult is or talk with them until their adult Comes if no one is around. I think it’s just engrained in me!
If you see a kid in danger, and it doesn’t look like any other adult is going to do something, do something.
Solidarity, not shame, when someone else’s child is tantruming in public.
I will entertain stranger’s kids in confined public spaces (like buses or lineups) when I am not with my kids because it’s such a godsend when people entertain mine.
If you let your boyfriend abuse your kids and you choose your bf, you are no longer my friend.
Don’t feed someone else’s kid without asking
Compliment parents who go out on public with stickers on their faces or toddler marker “tattoos.”
Always offer to take photos of moms with their kids if I see them grabbing pictures of just the kids.
If your kid has an accident, the extra clothes in my bag are yours.
If I am at a playground with friends we will help each other’s kids and do zone parenting- it’s an unspoken rule.
Sharing clean diapers and age-appropriate snacks is a def yes.
I will warn you if my kid is even slightly suspected to be sick or we were recently exposed to an illness but aren’t currently sick so you can make a judgment call on if you want to be near us. To a weirdly specific amount “they sneezed 3 times today, could be nothing? Could be a new global pandemic- no fever but acting normal FYi”I expect you to do the same. Even if it’s “they have chronic asthma and that barky cough is lingering from an asthma attack this morning.”I’ll never forget before I had kids one of my friends had 4 kids, saved for years and was leaving on a dream vacation to Hawaii, she was leaving in a few days… when another mom casually mentioned (an hour into a visit) her kid was confirmed positive with Flu A AND B.We cut her out of our lives after that and refer to her as “fluzie Suzie” thankfully Hawaii moms kid didn’t get sick (she had an awesome trip!) but the sheer stupidity of exposing us all and thinking it was fine?? It was unreal.
RESPECT THE NAP/ routine
This thread makes me so happy.Today we were loading our twin 3.5yr olds into the car at the farmers market. My boy twin wasn’t being bad just taking his sweet time sitting straight in his seat, getting buckled etc. This older lady was waiting to get into her car next to us and was like “ok T, let’s get buckled real quick someone is waiting (!!!)” and she was like “oh don’t worry, I remember those days!” Similarly, someone at the store watched my daughter in the cart (right behind me) in the parking lot while I loaded her brother. And it was just this nice little balm of relief. So whenever I see someone with kids I hold the door or give a knowing smile because that solidarity is everything.
This is not exacty ‘unspoken’, but I ask moms ( and dads) how they are doing. And genuinely try to actually ‘see’ and ‘hear’ their response. We all do so much, but all focus and energy is on the kids. It’s really special when someone acknowledge and ‘sees’ me and all I do so I try to do the same.
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Never use the phrase “just you wait until….”, especially about something negative.
If I have a crying kid next to me on a plane or bus, offer the parent some help.
All my supplies are available to any who need it if I have it on hand. Diapers, wipes, tissues, bandaids, snacks, even tampons if need be. My purse is PACKED lolI realized I alwayd give up my space in line to parents with kids too lol.. if I’m out without my kid that is. I understand all to well needing to get the fk ouuuuuutt and finish up whatever errand you’re on.And lastly I never judge, only listen and support. If you want to tell me you just f***g hate being a mom today, I am here. We all have those days.
Offer to help a mom traveling solo with a kid at the airport if I’m able (once offered to help unfold the stroller but the woman said I could hold her 1yo! I was away from mine the same age so it was nice for both of us.)
Unless I have a very good reason to say no, our RSVP for birthday party invites will be yes.
A mom with sunscreen at a park once was a lifesaver when I forgot mine.
If I see a mom or dad struggling with an unruly kid I always give them a smile and nod, typically even a comment to the effect that they are doing a good job.
If I am grocery shopping and you have your kids but I don’t, I let you cut in front of me.
I send a little “I’m thinking of you” present (usually coffee gift card) to new mom friends at 6 weeks postpartum. I feel like that’s the loneliest point in the journey because most other people don’t check on you as much and many people have to start prepping to return to work, etc.
Always offer to take their cart back.
Compliment. Smile. Share stuff. Offer help. Try to remember that not everyone has your knowledge and privilege.I mean I guess these are good rules in general but I think particularly for other parents.
If one mom declares the park is closing, we are all leaving. Park is CLOSED Hahaha.
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