More info:Reddit
The author of the post has been married for 13 years, with numerous fruitless efforts to get pregnant
Image credits:Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
After the woman’s 35th birthday, the spouses finally decided to live a childfree life
Image credits:u/Brief-Ad8464
And it turned out that 5 years later, the author unexpectedly found out she’s pregnant
Image credits:MART RODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The spouses decided to hide the pregnancy from relatives for as long as possible, and only unveiled the news in the 18th week
Image credits:Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
So, now meet the Original Poster (OP), a 41 Y.O. woman who has been married for 13 years, and during all this time, she and her husband have made lots of fruitless attempts to have kids.The coupletried literally everything – but to no avail, and when the author was 35, they resigned themselves to the state of affairs and decided that from now on they would live a childfree life.
As people say, “If you want to make God laugh, just talk about your plans.” Five years passed, and some time after her 40th birthday, the OP suddenly discovered that she was pregnant. Yes, such an unexpected set of circumstances… Considering her age, as well as her previous unsuccessful history of trying to get pregnant, the woman wanted thepregnancyto go as smoothly as possible – and for this, the couple decided to hide this fact from relatives.
It’s not that the spouses were superstitious or that their relatives turned out to be incredibly nosy and entitled people, but, as they say, just in case. No sooner said than done, the OP managed to keep her pregnancy a secret until the 18th week, when they told their extended family about everything. Everyone, of course, were incredibly happy and understood the reasons for the long silence, but the husband’s sister was also upset that she learned about such an important event in the life of the family relatively late.
The woman said that Hawthorne is, of course, a beautiful name, but personally she would like her future nephew to be called something more traditional, like James or George. To this, mom-to-be replied that it was her and her husband’s business, and considering that they were unlikely to have another chance to have a child in the future, they wanted to choose exactly the name that they liked the most.
And here the SIL said that she and her husband behaved not that nice – first, hiding from the family for so long the news that all relatives had been waiting for so many years, and then not giving others a chance to come up with an option for the name. “She told me we just wanted to leave everyone out and we should have known better,” the author summarizes.
“Any pregnancy andparentingis definitely a matter, first of all, of two people – the child’s parents, and if they themselves don’t ask for advice or don’t seek help, then this is how it should be for all relatives and friends,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologist and certified NLP specialist, to whomBored Pandareached out for a comment here. “Especially if the conditions are as specific as in the situation described.”
“It is quite understandable that the pregnant woman and her spouse wanted to limit probable disturbing factors as much as possible so that the pregnancy would go calmly. Therefore, it’s difficult to imagine the motives that guided this woman’s SIL, not only criticizing her in front of her relatives, but also starting a second conversation. And regarding the choice of a name – this, I repeat, is a personal matter for the parents. And for the child too – if, when he grows up, for some reason hedoesn’t likehis name,” Irina concludes.
As for the spouses’ decision not to tell anyone about the pregnancy for as long as possible, commenters here also understand them perfectly well. “At your age, it was a high risk pregnancy. I understand why you waited. Not sure why you waited on the name,” some of the folks added. And what would you, our dear readers, do in a similar situation?
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