Familyconflicts are normal. But when the bad blood begins to run deep, it could cause a severe strain in the relationships. Reddit userITZEVERLYBEARiscurrently dealingwith this stressful situation as she also goes through her eighth month of pregnancy.
The OP now seeks support and advice from the Raised By Narcissistssubreddit.
Many people have relatives who are difficult to deal with
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She has distanced herself from her aunt, but wants some advice and support from people online
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The woman also got in touch with the local church leader, who advised they undergo family counseling
She reached out to her cousin, but does not expect their relationship to be the same again
There is such a thing as genetic relational entitlement
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Based on the OP’s story, her aunt seemingly felt she had the right to her niece’s unborn daughter. Experts classify this behavior as a genetic relational entitlement.
Gregory also says the level of genetic connection and perceived power dynamics can lead to a greater sense of entitlement.
“You may feel more entitled to have a relationship with your sibling than a relationship with a second cousin,” she wrote in an article forPsychology Today. “You may [also] feel more entitled to have a relationship with an adult child (perceived as a past dependent) than having a relationship with a sibling (perceived as an equal).”
People can overcome their entitlement tendencies
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Entitled people aren’t lost causes, but they will need to do their part to improve things. Former clinical psychologist turned authorDr. Alice Boyesshared some tips inan articleshe wrote, beginning with what she describes as the practice of perspective-taking.
“Take a recent example of a time you got mildly annoyed with someone and spend three minutes writing about the situation from the other person’s perspective. Practice understanding what their agenda was.”
Lifting someone up is also a small yet effective practice to eliminate entitlement tendencies, according to Dr. Boyes.
“There is an area of social psychology research calledcapitalization research,which shows that promoting other people’s successes has a positive effect on the sharer,” she explained. “To make a project out of it, try promoting someone else other than yourself at least once a day for 30 days.”
The relationship between the OP and her aunt’s family is fixable if the latter can make an effort to work on themselves. Until then, it will be a lingering issue, which is alwaysunfortunate among families.
Commenters were vocal about their feelings towards the aunt and mostly showed support for the OP
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