Weddingscan be an exciting time for a family, but I think we can agree that they come with their fair share of stress. The guestlist is sometimes one of the biggest bones of contention – especially when there’s alreadytroublebrewing between certain family members. As they say, it just isn’t possible to please all the people all the time. But it’s worth a try.
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Unless you’re planning to elope, your wedding guestlist is likely to include your immediate family and their spouses
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“Put your marriage first and present a united front”: the experts advise
It is said that when youmarrysomeone, you marry their family. And as we know, many marriages have their fair share of problems. Needless to say, it’s not uncommon to face issues with in-laws, or future in-laws, and this extends beyond theparents-in-law.
“Difficult in-law relationships are incredibly common because they often involve differences in personalities, values, expectations, and boundaries,” Dr. Anna Mathur tells Bored Panda when we reach out to her. Mathur is a renowned expert in the field of psychotherapy and has clocked up over 225k followers onInstagram.
The award-winning author says navigating challenges with extended family requires a couple to have open communication and a shared approach. She adds that it’s important for couples to establish boundaries together while respecting the importance of extended family.Regularly checking in with each other about feelings and expectations is key, she says.
Challenging in-law dynamics can make or break you. They’re bound to test the strength of your bond. That’s why therapists believe boundaries are important, and you should set them together, as a couple, to protect your relationship.
“Be each other’s advocates and support systems,”agreesthe Laurel Therapy Collective. “This sends a clear message that you both value your relationship and will work together to resolve conflicts.”
“Boundaries are not about pushing someone away or cutting ties,” notes the Collective’s site. “Boundaries are put in place to establish standards for everyone to get their needs met. Decide how and when to communicate these boundaries to the involved parties.”
We asked Mathur what advice she has for the brother who is getting married. “I’d encourage the man to have an open conversation with his fiancée to understand the deeper reasons behind her decision. Is there a history of conflict or an unresolved issue that could be addressed?” she replied, adding that relationships thrive on empathy and compromise, so framing the conversation around long-term family harmony might help.
Mathur says it’s important to understand that weddings are emotionally charged events. “While it’s natural to want to feel comfortable on the day, excluding someone simply because of a dislike can sow lasting family tensions,” warned the expert.
“While it’s important for the sibling to advocate for their wife, a more constructive approach might involve seeking dialogue with the couple to understand their decision and explore compromise. For example, could the sister-in-law attend the ceremony but skip certain parts of the day? Clear communication is critical, as is focusing on long-term relationships over temporary disputes,” she advised.
As for the excluded wife, Mathur would advise her to focus on self-care and emotional processing first. “Being excluded can feel deeply hurtful, especially when it involves family,” the expert told Bored Panda. “Resist the urge to retaliate or escalate the situation, as that might reinforce existing tensions. Instead, consider writing a letter or having a calm, open conversation with the couple to express feelings constructively, without blame.”
Mathur adds that communicating a willingness to work towards better relations in the future can help pave the way for reconciliation. “Above all, remember that this conflict doesn’t define your worth—it’s about navigating family dynamics rather than a reflection of personal value.”
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“I Don’t Like My Sister-in-Law—Here’s How I Deal”: woman in a similar situation weighs in
The writer explains that the SIL in question isn’t her husband’s sister, but rather his brother’s wife. Sounds familiar, right? She says they“parent differently, have fundamentally different viewpoints on many issues, and differ greatly on politeness and decorum.”
She goes on to advise that in herexperience, “opting out of a petty disagreement is almost always the right move.” Another tip the anonymous writer gives is to try to have a buffer when spending time with her sister-in-law. For example, if the parents-in-law are present, the sister-in-law might be on better behavior.
The final bit of advice is the one the writer claims to find the most difficult: that is to try to navigate the relationship with grace, compassion and some understanding. You never know what the next person is going through, after all.
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