An affair can be one of the most heartbreaking and difficult things for arelationshipto recover from. It often shows that one partner consciously chose to break their loved one’s trust, all for the sake of temporary pleasure.For many couples, there’s no going back from this, but for some, there might be a path forward. The folks in this list are those who’ve been thevictimof their partner’s infidelity and still chose to stay with them. They share what happened after forgiving the cheater.More info:RedditThis post may includeaffiliate links.
An affair can be one of the most heartbreaking and difficult things for arelationshipto recover from. It often shows that one partner consciously chose to break their loved one’s trust, all for the sake of temporary pleasure.
For many couples, there’s no going back from this, but for some, there might be a path forward. The folks in this list are those who’ve been thevictimof their partner’s infidelity and still chose to stay with them. They share what happened after forgiving the cheater.
More info:Reddit
This post may includeaffiliate links.
We both cheated on each other. We were doing a lot of d***s at the time. Now we both are sober. It goes hand in hand with our recovery and we have been doing great. That was 7 years ago now.
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After a two year affair, I ultimately forgave him. We did a ton of (years-long) work through individual counselors and couples counseling. I rebuffed any notion of the idea of “once a cheater, always a cheater” because my husband had done the work to changeFast forward 8 years…I uncovered another 18 month affair. So, I guess the “work” he did didn’t stick. So…once a cheater, always a cheater.
Forgave a cheating partner once because I thought we could work through it. In the end, it didn’t turn out great. The trust was never fully there again, and it always felt like there was this shadow hanging over us. We tried, but eventually, the relationship just fizzled out. Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting was impossible. It taught me a lot about what I need in relationships, though.
It’s scary to think of someone you love having an affair, but unfortunately, infidelity is more common than you’d imagine. The problem is also that thecheatingpartner does their best to cover up their tracks, which makes it harder to find out what they’ve done. When their mistakes are found out, it’s up to the victim to decide whether they can give the relationship another go.
To understand forgiveness after infidelity,Bored Pandareached out to Stacey and Paul Martino. They are the authors of ‘The Missing Piece,’ a book that can help transform people’s relationships. They also invented theRelationship Development Methodologyand, for over 14 years, have helped thousands of people transform their marriages, parenting, and families!
She cheated when we dated. Then I caught her with my next door neighbor after 10 years of marriage and two kids. Stayed again. Recently found out about some suspicious activities she did on a girls trip a few years ago. It happened a long time ago but it’s new to me and a reminder of how loving and living with someone who isn’t capable of respecting you is just a horrible way to live your life.
The cheating didn’t stop. He just started being more careful about locking down his phone and computer. Divorced his sorry a*s not long after.
She cheated again twice (as far as I know anyway). I broke up with her after the third time, I was being a fool for long enough. Lesson I learned is never forgive cheating, not even once.
Some of the folks on this list were able to forgive and forget their partner’s misdeeds very quickly. It shows a lot of strength of character and courage, but that kind of action may not be possible for everyone. That’s why we askedLuke Shillingswhat it takes to really pardon someone’s infidelity.Luke is a relationship coach and podcast host of ‘After the Affair,’ helping individuals and couples rebuild their lives after infidelity. Drawing from personal experience and professional training, he offers compassionate guidance to those navigating betrayal, healing, and growth.He told us that “forgiveness is absolutely possible, but it’s not something that happens overnight or because someone says, ‘I’m sorry.’ Forcouples, forgiveness requires both partners to show up in ways they never have before.”“The person who cheated has to take full accountability, not just for the affair but for rebuilding trust through consistent actions over time. Meanwhile, the betrayed partner needs space to process their emotions without being rushed. There’s no shortcut. Honesty, vulnerability, and professional support often play a big role in helping couples navigate this journey,” Luke added.
Some of the folks on this list were able to forgive and forget their partner’s misdeeds very quickly. It shows a lot of strength of character and courage, but that kind of action may not be possible for everyone. That’s why we askedLuke Shillingswhat it takes to really pardon someone’s infidelity.
Luke is a relationship coach and podcast host of ‘After the Affair,’ helping individuals and couples rebuild their lives after infidelity. Drawing from personal experience and professional training, he offers compassionate guidance to those navigating betrayal, healing, and growth.
He told us that “forgiveness is absolutely possible, but it’s not something that happens overnight or because someone says, ‘I’m sorry.’ Forcouples, forgiveness requires both partners to show up in ways they never have before.”
“The person who cheated has to take full accountability, not just for the affair but for rebuilding trust through consistent actions over time. Meanwhile, the betrayed partner needs space to process their emotions without being rushed. There’s no shortcut. Honesty, vulnerability, and professional support often play a big role in helping couples navigate this journey,” Luke added.
They do it again. The only way to get a cheater to stop cheating is with a serious consequence. One like losing the person you love. Unfortunately the person who TEACHES the person not to cheat will not be the one who gets a faithful relationship. The next person does. Which stings, but if you can only keep your pride or walk away with nothing wouldn’t you rather keep your pride?
We’ve been together 30+ years. Cheating was ~25 years ago. Some really frank discussions and some level of distrust got us through the initial part. We were young and outgrew it. Doing great these days, but I still wouldn’t recommend it.
Long term very serious girlfriend. She lived 4 hours away. I did my best to be there as many weekends as I could. She went out with her friends one night, got drunk and hooked up with a former crush. She told me immediately. I drove down, we talked all night about it. I decided I could move past it and promised myself if I was going to move past it I would never bring it up in disagreements or use it against her, and I didn’t. We were a lot stronger for the rest of the time we were a couple, maybe 3 years. I had a dying parent and couldn’t move to where she was. The parent died 3 months after we broke up. I’m with the greatest partner I could ever imagine now, so I’m where I need to be.
“With the right tools and process, it’s absolutely possible to save and even create a new rock-solid, passionate relationship, stronger than ever,” the Martinos added.
Life coach Lukealso told us that “surviving infidelity is possible (I’m living proof!), but ‘smoothly’ isn’t the word I’d use to describe the process. Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is messy, emotional, and filled with setbacks. There is also no ‘perfect path’. But with the right mindset and effort from both people, it can absolutely be done.”
“I’ve seen couples use the pain of infidelity as a wake-up call, not just to fix the cracks in their relationship but to grow individually, too. They learn to communicate better, set boundaries, and really hear each other. That said, not every relationship will survive, and that’s okay, too. Sometimes, infidelity shines a light on deeper issues that can’t or shouldn’t be ignored,” he added.
It was absolutely horrible. I would rather shove a hot poker in my a*s than go through that again.
I don’t know if he ever cheated again, but the trust was so broken that it didn’t matter. My fuse got short, self-esteem got low, and the whole relationship turned into a toxic whirlwind. 0/10 would not recommend.
Not forgave but forgiven. When I was 16 I accidentally ended up trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man 10 years older than me. Basically, my naive 16 year old brain thought we’d date for a week and break up, like all my previous teenage “relationships”. His adult brain thought we were going to get married and have kids. When I attempted to break up with him, he threatened to [end] himself. I was young and naive and fell for it. Stayed with him over a year and felt increasingly trapped. I eventually cheated on him with a boy, my own age, I really liked. Then I had this great idea. Tell my boyfriend I’d cheated, he’ll leave me and I’ll be free!!!!!". So I told him. He said, without batting an eye, “I forgive you and I am going to stay with you but you now have to work extra hard to make up for it and prove your love for me.”. I lasted a few more months before I finally decided I didn’t care what he did and I was leaving him. He pushed me out of a moving car when I finally did it.
It’s truly difficult to move on from a partner’s affair, but nearly 60% of couples dorecover from infidelity. It requires a lot of trust, hard work, and honest communication from both people in order to make the relationship work properly again.Stacey and Paultold us that “when trust is lost in a relationship, it’s terrible for both people. Often, people will tell their partner to ‘apologize and promise me that it will never happen again.’ But even when they do, it doesn’t fix the feelings of mistrust that the betrayed spouse genuinely suffers from.”“Please don’t feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with you, and it’s not hopeless. It’s just that trust doesn’t work that way. Like forgiveness, trust or mistrust is a result, not a cause. When you get the steps to rebuild the rapport and alignment, trust begins to blossom,” the Martinos explained.
It’s truly difficult to move on from a partner’s affair, but nearly 60% of couples dorecover from infidelity. It requires a lot of trust, hard work, and honest communication from both people in order to make the relationship work properly again.
Stacey and Paultold us that “when trust is lost in a relationship, it’s terrible for both people. Often, people will tell their partner to ‘apologize and promise me that it will never happen again.’ But even when they do, it doesn’t fix the feelings of mistrust that the betrayed spouse genuinely suffers from.”
“Please don’t feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with you, and it’s not hopeless. It’s just that trust doesn’t work that way. Like forgiveness, trust or mistrust is a result, not a cause. When you get the steps to rebuild the rapport and alignment, trust begins to blossom,” the Martinos explained.
I forgave her but we are still divorced. I realized the person I loved changed into someone I did not recognize.
Happened once and let it slide and now it’s been a couple months and still no cheating but it makes me feel Insecure I thought the feeling of insecurity would go away but it hasn’t yet.
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Wasted 8 years then she filed for divorce after doing it who knows how many more times. After cheating frankly it’s over don’t waste your time begin the rebuild.
Even though it’s easy to say that the cheating partner needs to win back their loved one’s trust, it’s hard to know exactly how to do that. Since the topic is such a taboo, hardly anyone wants to discuss the exact steps required to heal the relationship after an affair.Coach Luketold us that “the person who cheated needs to be completely transparent. This means no secrets, no lies, and a genuine willingness to answer hard questions. Just as important, they need to show empathy, real empathy, for the hurt they’ve caused.”“A simple apology isn’t enough. They need to be patient as their partner works through the waves of emotions that follow. One thing I always remind people is that trust isn’t a destination; it’s a practice. Every day, both partners have to show up, communicate honestly, and make choices that reflect their commitment to moving forward. It’s tough, but it’s absolutely worth it.”
Even though it’s easy to say that the cheating partner needs to win back their loved one’s trust, it’s hard to know exactly how to do that. Since the topic is such a taboo, hardly anyone wants to discuss the exact steps required to heal the relationship after an affair.
Coach Luketold us that “the person who cheated needs to be completely transparent. This means no secrets, no lies, and a genuine willingness to answer hard questions. Just as important, they need to show empathy, real empathy, for the hurt they’ve caused.”
“A simple apology isn’t enough. They need to be patient as their partner works through the waves of emotions that follow. One thing I always remind people is that trust isn’t a destination; it’s a practice. Every day, both partners have to show up, communicate honestly, and make choices that reflect their commitment to moving forward. It’s tough, but it’s absolutely worth it.”
You never look at them, or your relationship, the same way. You’ll never get back what you had. We broke up because I caught him being unfaithful again.People are capable of change but it would take a lot of hard work and therapy, and I’m still not convinced you ever get the magic back.
I moved past it. Happened again but find out way after the fact. Done. Over and out.
Nobody wants to get cheated on or be a cheater, but sometimes life deals usunexpectedcards. What’s good to know is that there is hope even after infidelity, but it all hinges on how hard both parties work to repair their bond. Not everyone can make it happen, but as the list shows, some couples definitely do!
Never had a cheating partner but my dad did (happened to be my mom btw). She cheated on him before I was born and he found out and decided to forgive her but when they moved to Indiana and had me a few years after my birth she got caught cheating again so he filed for divorce.
I found I could forgive the actual [intercourse] part of the cheating, but couldn’t really get over the lies, breach of trust, and lack of regard for my health. So eventually I ended the relationship.We’re actually still on somewhat friendly terms (overlapping friend circles, so we’ll chat if we end up at the same gathering). And we’re both happily married to other people, hopefully they learned from the experience. .
5 years of really hard work and alsoaccepting that this would be a different relationship than (the one I thought I was in) for the last 15 years. You start over, in a lot of ways.I don’t judge anyone for how they handle infidelity trauma. Just make the choices you want, for you.
We got married and now are getting divorced.
It ended like five years later. Still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and wish I’d done it sooner.
7 years later she left me for another man.
I cheated first after six years of marriage. We reconciled. She cheated four years after that. Separated briefly then reconciled.Our 17 year anniversary is in June.
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