When you sit down for a while and really start thinking aboutlanguageobjectively, you realize that a lot of things don’t really make much sense. There are inconsistencies and irregularities to account for. Not to mention philological decisions that simply sound illogical. But that’s the reality of language—the way it organically evolves isn’t always tidy.Redditor u/johnnylgarfieldstarted upan intriguing thread about linguistics on r/AskReddit. They asked everyone what, in their opinion, is badly named and what a better name for it would be. For example, why is a group of squid called a ‘shoal’ instead of a ‘squad’? It’s a head-scratcher! Scroll down for some interesting suggestions—both witty and serious—to improve theEnglishlanguage.Bored Pandagot in touch withLisa McLendon, Ph.D., from the University of Kansas. She shed some light on the challenges that people run into when trying to rename something, as well as the factors that influence how language evolves. We also reached out to the author of the viral discussion, redditoru/johnnylgarfield. Read on for both of our interviews.This post may includeaffiliate links.
When you sit down for a while and really start thinking aboutlanguageobjectively, you realize that a lot of things don’t really make much sense. There are inconsistencies and irregularities to account for. Not to mention philological decisions that simply sound illogical. But that’s the reality of language—the way it organically evolves isn’t always tidy.
Redditor u/johnnylgarfieldstarted upan intriguing thread about linguistics on r/AskReddit. They asked everyone what, in their opinion, is badly named and what a better name for it would be. For example, why is a group of squid called a ‘shoal’ instead of a ‘squad’? It’s a head-scratcher! Scroll down for some interesting suggestions—both witty and serious—to improve theEnglishlanguage.
Bored Pandagot in touch withLisa McLendon, Ph.D., from the University of Kansas. She shed some light on the challenges that people run into when trying to rename something, as well as the factors that influence how language evolves. We also reached out to the author of the viral discussion, redditoru/johnnylgarfield. Read on for both of our interviews.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
I’m not the first to say it, but “pick-up artists” and “garbage men” should swap titles.
Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White professor of Journalism and Mass Communications and the coordinator at theBremner Editing Center, explained to Bored Panda that some of the biggest challenges when renaming something include habits, the reasons behind the change, and practicality.“People get used to certain names for things, and new names may need quite some time to take hold. A good example of this is when a business buys the naming rights to a stadium but fans keep calling the stadium its old name,” she told Bored Panda in an email.“Another challenge is whether people see a reason for a change. A lot of formerly acceptable names for groups of people or conditions are mostly gone (in polite company, anyway) because people realized they were offensive or disrespectful and wanted to change them,” McLendon said.
Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White professor of Journalism and Mass Communications and the coordinator at theBremner Editing Center, explained to Bored Panda that some of the biggest challenges when renaming something include habits, the reasons behind the change, and practicality.
“People get used to certain names for things, and new names may need quite some time to take hold. A good example of this is when a business buys the naming rights to a stadium but fans keep calling the stadium its old name,” she told Bored Panda in an email.
“Another challenge is whether people see a reason for a change. A lot of formerly acceptable names for groups of people or conditions are mostly gone (in polite company, anyway) because people realized they were offensive or disrespectful and wanted to change them,” McLendon said.
Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?
Dentures. Should be Substitooths.
“A third challenge is simply practical: ALL of the places where the old name exists need to be changed to reflect the new name. An example of this is when a city wants to rename a street to honor someone. People may like the idea, but when it comes to changing addresses everywhere, it takes a lot of time and money.“The professor explained that some of the factors that influence how we change the name of things are actual change, politics, usefulness, respect, and novelty. “In general, ‘top-down’ efforts to change any part of language are a more arduous process than organic changes to language that develop through everyday use.”It makes sense to change the name of the things when they change themselves. “For example, the USSR broke up, and each one of the countries that (re)gained independence afterward changed its name to drop ‘Soviet Socialist Republic.’ However, this isn’t always enough: Another example is Twitter being renamed X, but everyone still calls the posts ‘tweets,'“Mclendonsaid.
“A third challenge is simply practical: ALL of the places where the old name exists need to be changed to reflect the new name. An example of this is when a city wants to rename a street to honor someone. People may like the idea, but when it comes to changing addresses everywhere, it takes a lot of time and money.”
The professor explained that some of the factors that influence how we change the name of things are actual change, politics, usefulness, respect, and novelty. “In general, ‘top-down’ efforts to change any part of language are a more arduous process than organic changes to language that develop through everyday use.”
It makes sense to change the name of the things when they change themselves. “For example, the USSR broke up, and each one of the countries that (re)gained independence afterward changed its name to drop ‘Soviet Socialist Republic.’ However, this isn’t always enough: Another example is Twitter being renamed X, but everyone still calls the posts ‘tweets,'“Mclendonsaid.
Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.
I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.
S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.”I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?
Meanwhile, it really does matter what we call things. “Politicians use names to try to shape the narrative. Calling a conflict a war, a rebellion, an invasion, or a skirmish influences how people think about it.”We also have to consider whether a new name is needed or useful. We need to ask ourselves whether a new name clarifies or distinguishes one thing from another. If that sort of change is needed, it’s more likely that the public will use the new term.Something else to ask ourselves is whether the new term is clever or distinct enough to warrant the change. “A ‘squad of squid’ is much more interesting than a ‘shoal of squid,’ so people may like it enough to make that change easily,” the professor mused.She also noted that “changing a name to honor someone or something or to get rid of an outdated or offensive name happens regularly, and usually pretty easily.”
Meanwhile, it really does matter what we call things. “Politicians use names to try to shape the narrative. Calling a conflict a war, a rebellion, an invasion, or a skirmish influences how people think about it.”
We also have to consider whether a new name is needed or useful. We need to ask ourselves whether a new name clarifies or distinguishes one thing from another. If that sort of change is needed, it’s more likely that the public will use the new term.
Something else to ask ourselves is whether the new term is clever or distinct enough to warrant the change. “A ‘squad of squid’ is much more interesting than a ‘shoal of squid,’ so people may like it enough to make that change easily,” the professor mused.
She also noted that “changing a name to honor someone or something or to get rid of an outdated or offensive name happens regularly, and usually pretty easily.”
“Randomized Double Blind Trial” should be “Trick or Treatment”.
Emotional baggage should be called grief-case.
Miscarriages. Think about that - it’s essentially accusing the woman for “mis-carrying” the pregnancy. It places the blame on women for something that’s almost always outside of their control, and traumatic to boot. A much better and more descriptive term would be “pregnancy loss”, which is already used widely in many settings.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda also got in touch with the author who created the thread about renaming things in the first place, redditoru/johnnylgarfield. They were kind enough to answer our questions as well.
Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination.
Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biography. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.
Bee Hotels - lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time.That’s great - support local wildlife etc.But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all “Bee&Bee"s??
English, like most other languages, can be very frustrating to learn for complete newcomers. Bored Panda wanted to get the OP’s thoughts on what new learners ought to keep in mind if they find themselves struggling or overwhelmed.“English is a bit of a complex and intricate language,” u/johnnylgarfield shared with us.“Don’t let the little things get to you,” they encouraged everyone to keep doing their best.According to the author of the r/AskReddit thread, they didn’t quite expect the amount of attention that their question got on Reddit.“I always wondered what things aren’t named well and should be renamed,” they revealed the inspiration behind the thread.
English, like most other languages, can be very frustrating to learn for complete newcomers. Bored Panda wanted to get the OP’s thoughts on what new learners ought to keep in mind if they find themselves struggling or overwhelmed.
“English is a bit of a complex and intricate language,” u/johnnylgarfield shared with us.
“Don’t let the little things get to you,” they encouraged everyone to keep doing their best.
According to the author of the r/AskReddit thread, they didn’t quite expect the amount of attention that their question got on Reddit.
“I always wondered what things aren’t named well and should be renamed,” they revealed the inspiration behind the thread.
I can’t believe I’m the first to say sexual tension should be renamed to Bangxiety.
Hot water heater. It’s really a cold water heater.
If we had the power torenameeverything and anything, we could have a lot of fun. A snake could become a ‘danger noodle.’ Meanwhile, a hedgehog could proudly call itself an ‘ouch mouse.’However, changing language inorganically is a heck of a task. You would essentially have to convince the majority of English speakers that a thing they’ve been calling one way their entire lives should be called something else.You would need to provide a compelling reason for everyone to learn to call a thing something else. Not only that, but all of those people then have to get into the habit of calling the thing the name you tried to convince them is more logical. This is going to take a lot of time, resources, and repetition.
If we had the power torenameeverything and anything, we could have a lot of fun. A snake could become a ‘danger noodle.’ Meanwhile, a hedgehog could proudly call itself an ‘ouch mouse.’
However, changing language inorganically is a heck of a task. You would essentially have to convince the majority of English speakers that a thing they’ve been calling one way their entire lives should be called something else.
You would need to provide a compelling reason for everyone to learn to call a thing something else. Not only that, but all of those people then have to get into the habit of calling the thing the name you tried to convince them is more logical. This is going to take a lot of time, resources, and repetition.
Now You See Me 2.Should have been Now You Don’t.
Daylight savings. Should be “pointlessly mess up everyone’s sleep cycle”.
Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.
It’s much easier to do this with new concepts, products, and technologies. Just look at how quicklyAIspread across the globe and became a household term. In the meantime, for many people, ChatGPT has pretty much become the generic go-to term for most large language model chatbots. How this will change in the future is something we can’t wait to witness.From our perspective, no language will ever be ‘perfect.’ For one, it would be incredibly difficult to come up with a unified understanding of what a perfect language would even mean. On top of that, it’s all of those linguistic quirks that make learning and using languages so enjoyable.
It’s much easier to do this with new concepts, products, and technologies. Just look at how quicklyAIspread across the globe and became a household term. In the meantime, for many people, ChatGPT has pretty much become the generic go-to term for most large language model chatbots. How this will change in the future is something we can’t wait to witness.
From our perspective, no language will ever be ‘perfect.’ For one, it would be incredibly difficult to come up with a unified understanding of what a perfect language would even mean. On top of that, it’s all of those linguistic quirks that make learning and using languages so enjoyable.
From a sign outside of a bar:Why is it called bisexual when ambisextrous is right there?
Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure.
That being said, some aspects frustrate not only your ordinary folks but philology experts as well. Linguist and neuroscience expert Arika Okrentisnotes on‘Aeon’ that “English spelling is ridiculous.”“Sew and new don’t rhyme. Kernel and colonel do. When you see an ough, you might need to read it out as ‘aw’ (thought), ‘ow’ (drought), ‘uff’ (tough), ‘off’ (cough), ‘oo’ (through), or ‘oh’ (though),” Okrentis points out.“The ea vowel is usually pronounced ‘ee’ (weak, please, seal, beam) but can also be ‘eh’ (bread, head, wealth, feather). Those two options cover most of it – except for a handful of cases where it’s ‘ay’ (break, steak, great). Oh wait, one more… there’s earth. No wait, there’s also heart,” the expert quips.
That being said, some aspects frustrate not only your ordinary folks but philology experts as well. Linguist and neuroscience expert Arika Okrentisnotes on‘Aeon’ that “English spelling is ridiculous.”
“Sew and new don’t rhyme. Kernel and colonel do. When you see an ough, you might need to read it out as ‘aw’ (thought), ‘ow’ (drought), ‘uff’ (tough), ‘off’ (cough), ‘oo’ (through), or ‘oh’ (though),” Okrentis points out.
“The ea vowel is usually pronounced ‘ee’ (weak, please, seal, beam) but can also be ‘eh’ (bread, head, wealth, feather). Those two options cover most of it – except for a handful of cases where it’s ‘ay’ (break, steak, great). Oh wait, one more… there’s earth. No wait, there’s also heart,” the expert quips.
Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome.
A group of raccoons is called a “gaze” when the word “heist” isright there.
Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns.
Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.
A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.
Hemorrhoids should be asteroids obv.
Hand sanitizer should just be hanitizer. All toddlers say it that way and it’s easier.
My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more bad*ss than “let me check what we have in the freezer”.
“Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.
Astronomers should be called skyintists.
I am giving a serious response.1. Borderline Personality Disorder is not being on the line between two different things. It is having difficulty regulating emotions.2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is not a lack of attention or an overabundance of activity. It is the brain moving too quickly and the body can’t keep up. It is needing to structure things differently to be functional. It is being able to see things that others can’t.3. Sexual Desire/Interest/Arousal Disorder is not a disorder at all. It is a different sexual orientation: asexuality.
Mini corn dogs should be called corn puppies!!!
The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.
Almond Milk. Should be called “Nut Juice”!
[Breasts] sweat —> humidititties.
A driveway should be a parkway and a parkway should be a driveway.
Not original but I love the idea of butt dials being booty calls.
Veterinarian. Should be a dogtor.
Blowjob doesn’t involve blowing and for most people it’s not their job.
Airports should be called plane stations.
Uterus Didelphys (double uterus) should be called a “twoterus”.
Olives should be Greece’s Pieces.
The “snooze” button should be renamed the “five more minutes of denial” button.
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Faux pa > step-dad.
Scarecrows are no crows. They should be called crowscares.
I still don’t get how “inflammable” means “flammable.”.
Fire truck. Should be Water truck.
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Killer whales should have been named Sea pandas.
Lasagna, I prefer Pasta Cake.
Uranus. Yeah it sounds like what it sounds like; but it’s also the only planet not named after a Roman god (in fact it’s not named after a god at all, it’s named after a Titan). It’s named after the Greek deity of the sky, and the father of the first generation of Titans.It would almost be one thing if it was the last planet or something, but nope. Then we have Neptune, which is named after the Roman god of the sea. This leaves Uranus as the etymological sore-thumb of the Solar System.The better name would be Caelus, because that’s the Roman equivalent, and it doesn’t sound like an inappropriate body part.
Fencing (the sport).“Swashbuckling” has been just right there for lo, all these centuries.
Gonorrhea should be an anti-diarrhea medication.
Headphones should be headspeakers.
Mitch Hedberg nailed it. It’s not a cheese grater, it’s a sponge ruiner.
Air Oven > Air Fryer.It’s a small oven. It doesn’t just fry. .
Trampoline should be called jumpoline.
Beheading should be called deheading. Not sure how that one slipped.
Answering Machines never really got a f*****g name. They were always just like, some left you a message on The Answering Machine. I always thought it should have been The TeleCorder.
Iceland and Greenland.
Toothbrush should really be called a teeth brush.
Glove compartment. It should be extra fast food napkin compartment.
Abbreviation should be a much shorter word.ButtMassager:Abbreve works. Breve’s even better.
Unicorn 🦄 cuz apparently unihorn makes too much sense.
A stroke should be called a Brain Attack.
As a clarinetist, I hate that the fingering chart (little chart that tells you which fingers to use to play certain notes) is called a fingering chart. It’s suggestive to those with dirty minds. I’m not sure what a better name would be, but someone’s got to have one right?Geminii27:Pressure PointsClari-fierClari-keyFairly-on-note
For all intents and purposes Starlink really should have been called Skynet if it wasn’t already taken.
Starfish and jellyfish, neither are fish.
Near misses in aviation. Did you nearly miss? Then it’s a crash. Really should be a near hit or something.
Laundry detergent should be called laundry sauce.
Pointed feet. At least in Dutch, they’re called “spitz-voeten”, with spitzen being the pointes ballerina’s wear.My daughter looked at my feet and said “you have Barbie feet”, that’s what I call them now. It also reflects a lot better what my ability to walk is.
Queue should be que. like why the extra ue? Its dumb.
Traction should be called gription.
Bullfrogs - I’d call ‘em chuzwuzzers.
Broom, it should clearly be called a sweep/sweeper.
Rhode island isn’t an island.
Garage, it’s obviously a car hold!
Mailman should obviously have been mailmale.
Birth Control should be called Pregnancy Preventer.
Cookies, it should be bakes.
Why is it called chilly when it’s warm?
Buildings. Should be builtings.
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Šarūnė Bar
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Funny
