The loss of a family member is one of thebiggest traumasa person can experience. Whether it’s a mother or a spouse, family members need enough time to grieve and come to terms with what life will be like now that the other family member is gone. After some time passes, and often to much of the children’s dismay, the bereaved parent might move on with another partner.
But is putting them before the children fair?This fatherthreatened his 19-year-old daughter that he would stop paying her tuition if she didn’t apologize for her rude behavior toward his new girlfriend. Wanting to check if he made the right choice, he decided toconsult other netizens.
Adult children may find it hard to accept their widowed parent has found someone new
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When a widowed parent starts dating again, adult children can have a hard time accepting the new partner
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Although it’s not an excuse for rude behavior, it can be hard to come to terms with the fact that awidowed parentis starting to date. As family therapist Sarah Hewitt explained toNext Avenue, children, even if they’re adults, often forget to think about their parents as people. In our minds, our parents are our parents, and we tend to forget that they also need companionship, romance, and intimacy.
What’s more, children tend to feel inherent loyalty to their biological parent, especially to the one who passed away. “It is difficult to ‘accept’ a new ‘parent,’ and this does not discriminate when the child is above the age of eighteen or thirty or forty-five,” Hewitt explained.
Psychiatrist Dr. Laura Dabney also noted that the new girlfriend might reopen the wound of the loss. “When a parent starts dating, it’s a painful reminder to the child of their loss. It may not be that you don’t like the woman your father is dating, but that you wish your mom were still alive.”
Children may view their parent’s new partner as an intruder, as someone trying to replace their deceased parent. But in many cases, that simply isn’t true. When dealing with a widowed parent’s new significant other, many experts adviseadult childrento take a step back and look at the issue as objectively as possible.
Adult children’s initial reaction to their widowed parent dating again will most likely be negative
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Clinical Psychologist Stanley Kissel, Ph.D.,explainsthat it’s the responsibility of the parent to reassure his children that they won’t be losing anything. “It is the task of the widower and his new love to take the lead in helping his adult children with their worries. Help them to see that moving on from grief into a loving relationship is a positive step for him.”
As one of the main concerns for children is to lose the widowed parent or the memory of the one who passed, the parent needs to communicate clearly that this will not happen. Grief author Diane Frommewritesthat moving on should include memories of the person who passed away. “The new love will be the ‘and,’ not the ‘instead.'”
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