Family is important to people. In fact,73% of Americanssay that qualitytime spent with familyis one of the most important things in life. But when it comes to siblings, only41% of adultsreport having a close relationship with their brother or sister. Sometimes, it’s the life choices of one sibling that might drive them apart.
Inthis story, a brother presented his sister withan ultimatum: either she got sterilized and stopped having kids, or he would no longer help her. Since he was already raising her two boys, he didn’t feel much guilt. But when he posted his story online, people had mixed reactions.
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Kids are a huge responsibility, and not every person is prepared for that challenge
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This man was already raising his sister’s two boys, so when he found out she was having a third, he gave her an ultimatum
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Experts say that kinship care is more beneficial to children than being in foster care. “Research demonstrates that children placed with kin experience increased stability, improved well-being and behavioral health outcomes, and higher levels of permanency when compared with children placed in foster care with strangers,” according toCasey Family Programs.
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Helping a younger sibling shouldn’t eclipse a person’s right to their own life and identity
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Adultsibling relationshipscan be hard. A brother or a sister might be the person you’ve grown up with as best friends, but time might alter that relationship. “Your siblings are your first real chance to share life with others,” Geoffrey Greif, the co-author ofAdult Sibling Relationshipsand a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, toldNPR.
He explains the dilemma many siblings face: how to say ‘no’ or cut contact with toxic siblings. “If I have a disagreement with a friend or with an intimate partner, I have the option of dropping them. There may be a cost to that. But if I have a sibling relationship, I need to figure out what to do with that and where to put it in the mosaic of my family.”
Older siblings often have it even harder. Just like in this story, they might assume the role of a caregiver or parent to their younger sibling. Ina previous interview, mental health consultantImi LotoldBored Pandathatparentificationcan happen even when siblings are adults.
“When older siblings are expected to automatically assume caregiving responsibilities, even into adulthood, it can significantly impact their autonomy, identity development, and pursuit of personal goals. Their own needs end up being subordinated to those of the family,” she explained.
“While helping care for younger siblings in moderation can foster positive qualities like responsibility and empathy, it should not be an automatically assumed role that eclipses the older sibling’s own needs,” Lo added. “Older siblings have a right to their own lives and identities.”
In this case, the brother had to step up to the role of a parent when his sister couldn’ttake care of her children. And while giving ultimatums or pressuring a person to make reproductive decisions is not the right way to go, one can understand his frustrations and where he’s coming from.
One netizen warned the brother that he might land in some legal trouble after talking like that
Many people backed the man for telling his sister the harsh truth
But some accused him of pressuring his sister and policing her body
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