A mother’s bond with her children is unbreakable, but sometimes that bond can lead to friction when there’s a romantic partner in the mix. Some moms even think they can overrun all boundaries just because they’re family, which can make things awkward.
More info:Mumsnet
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Some moms have no idea what a boundary is, as this woman is finding out the hard way
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The new mom has tried to put some reasonable boundaries in place, but her partner keeps letting his mom overrun them
Image credits:Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
To make matters worse, her penny-pinching partner is now splurging on a holiday for just him and his mom, leaving her alone with their 3-month-old child
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Stunned, the woman turned to the web to ask whether or not she was being unreasonable in finding the whole thing odd
Things got truly out of hand for OP when she asked her partner what they should get his mother for her birthday, and he let her know he was taking her on holiday—just the two of them. This surprised OP since she admits her partner is usually tight with cash and has never offered to take her on a free holiday.
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From what OP tells us in her post, it would seem that she’s in a relationship with a mama’s boy, a colloquial term that’s come to describe men who are still figuratively tied to their mother’s apron strings, prioritizing her needs over their romantic partner’s.
But what are the warning signs that your man might be one?
In his article forPsychology Today, Seth Meyers (Psy.D.) lists some red flags that may indicate the man you’re dating or married to is a mama’s boy.A few of these include not being able to say anything even remotely negative about his mother, the assumption that his mother can do no wrong, and his not being able to say “no” to his mother.
First, establish clear boundaries; second, maintain independent space; third, avoid confrontation as much as possible; and, finally, keep making your own choices and support your partner in doing the same. His problematic bond with his mother might ease up with your encouragement and support.
It sure seems OP isn’t short on Mama’s boy red flags, and we wonder if she’ll ever loosen her partner’s mother’s grasp.
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Bored Pandareached out to psychotherapist and director of The School Of Modern PsychologyBarbara Graceto get her expert take on the matter.
When we asked Grace whether or not she thought OP’s partner has an unhealthy relationship with his mother, she had this to say, “A relationship is unhealthy if overt (or covert) power/control creates a bond of co-dependency that keeps one (or both) person/s trapped in a manipulative cycle involving guilt/blame/judgement that represses a person’s ability to self-define or act independently,”
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Grace explains further that OP is caught twice as she cannot point this out to her partner as he (and his mother) will see her as the villain. By having the son respond to her every need, the mother wins, and proves to the son’s partner that she is relegated to second place.
We asked Grace for one piece of advice she’d offer OP, and she responded, “Seek professional help, because only a third person (who is a professional – not a friend with an opinion) will have the opportunity to hold up a mirror to his actions that will offer him insight to the manipulative power dynamics at play.”
Grace concluded, “If he’s unwilling to seek professional help, then she knows exactly where she stands.”
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