When children decide that they disagree with the gender they were born in, there comes a process that poses challenges for them and the people close to them alike.
More info:Reddit
Image credits:Delia Giandeini (not the actual photo)
A woman at a gender reveal party was so excited to learn she was having a daughter she couldn’t contain her emotions
Image credits:Juan Encalada (not the actual photo)
Image credits:u/Informal-Day-1716
The woman’s daughter told her she felt it was insensitive of her to be that visibly excited about having a girl because she already had one daughter. To this, the OP replied that for the first 8 years of her firstborn’s life, she was a boy, so she didn’t get to enjoy the part of raising a daughter that came before that age.
The end of this interaction pushed them even further apart. This got the author wondering if she was really in the wrong or if it was just her daughter overreacting, which brought her to the AITA court.
The commenters had a lot to say about this. While most deemed that the OP was not a jerk in this situation, they also agreed that her daughter wasn’t an AH either and said that this situation could quickly turn into a much bigger issue if not addressed properly. However, some were also questioning if the bigger picture is really the way the poster portrayed it, as, in some places, her wording raised some questions.
Image credits:Matthew Ball (not the actual photo)
To try and figure out what really happened in this situation and how it should be approached further,Bored Pandagot in touch withLaura Scarrone Bonhomme— a clinical psychologist specializing in gender, sexual, and relationship diversity and the co-founder/director of a trans and non-binary people support platform,Affirm.
“Questioning her own excitement might provide the mother with a better understanding of how her emotions might unintentionally feed into these societal biases, making the trans daughter feel invalidated in her gender,” explained Laura.
At the same time, some things come from the daughter’s side, as the teenage years are crucial in forming one’s identity. “The trans teen might be struggling with their sense of self as she might have witnessed common narratives that question the validity and reality of trans people’s gender feelings.”
The psychologist explained that while the girl might be sure of her identity, witnessing her mother’s excitement could bring out insecurities about how she’s perceived and make her feel like an impostor or “a lesser version of a daughter.”
Image credits:Tima MIroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
According to Laura, these issues must be addressed, and this should be done using a mixture of open conversation, education, and reassurance. The older daughter should have a place where she feels safe to share her feelings, and the parents should reassure her of their unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of the family changes.
However, if the scenario is like the one we had in our story, the psychologist says that the key to fixing it lies in open, honest, and supportive communication. “If the parents’ reactions have caused upset, it’s essential to acknowledge this and try and, sometimes, even apologize. This demonstrates respect for the trans teen’s feelings,” added Laura, emphasizing that family therapy could be a valuable tool in these situations.
Most of the commenters said that neither the poster nor her daughter were jerks, but she should address this issue before it spirals out of control
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