If you look at the divorce rate curve in the United Statesover the past three decades, it turns out that during this period the rate has almost halved – from 4.7 in 1990 to 2.5 in 2021, and in COVID-affected 2020, there were 2.3 divorces per 1000 people. And yet, given the size of the population, this is still over 800 thousand divorces per year.
And where there are divorces, there are children, who then have to live with step-families and, alas, sometimes learn fully what neglect and bullying are. And these stories do not always end with a happy ending – after all, Cinderella lived in a fairy tale, but, for example,the user u/Dismal_Handle5654, the heroine of our story today, lived in a sad reality…
The author of the post is an 18 Y.O. girl whose parents divorced when she was around 6
Image credits:cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Soon after, the girl’s mom remarried a guy who already had three of his own kids
Image credits:u/Dismal_Handle5654
So actually, many years under one roof were full of bullying for the author
Image credits:Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The worst part of it was that the girl’s mom didn’t even lift a finger to stick up for her daughter
Image credits:Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Now four children lived under one roof – with all the ensuing consequences. Even though the OP was older than all of them, she still had to face a lot of unpleasant moments in all the subsequent years. There was then outright bullying from her stepsiblings and, perhaps most offensively, some neglect from her own mother.
Yes, the author’s stepfather spared no expense on gifts for his own children, always throwing them magnificent birthday parties, and his wife… well, the wife usually agreed with her spouse and did not bother to advance the interests of her own daughter.
The girl’s dad was always happy to buy his daughter some kind of gift, though as the author of the post admits, his financial capabilities could not be compared with those of her stepfather. So it turned out that for more than a decade of her life, the original poster consistently felt hurt, upset and, in fact, somehow betrayed.
And now, it’s time for her 18th birthday, and the OP, quite reasonably believing that she certainly doesn’t owe these people anything, had a party with her friends and dad. Even though it was nothing pompous or solemn, everything took place in a pleasant atmosphere, and the girl was glad to be with those who sincerely loved her.
However, when she returned to her stepfather’s house late in the evening, it turned out that they also wanted to throw a party for her birthday, and now attacked her with reproaches, accusing the girl of ruining the day for them all. When the OP said that she spent that day with her dad and friends, her stepfather and mom accused her of ingratitude… well, you might know this formulation very well: “after all that we have done for you,” regardless of whether they actually did anything or not… Well, that’s life, and it’s not a Disney cartoon, after all…
Image credits:Andrea Mininni (not the actual photo)
“Unfortunately, this is also a very common situation – when step-parents openly turn a blind eye to stepchildren’s bullying from their own kids,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologist and certified NLP specialist, whomBored Pandaasked for a comment on this situation. “As for the stepfathers or stepmothers themselves, they are often honestly convinced that if they give the child a roof over their head, food and perhaps education, and do nothing bad towards them, then this is already quite enough to consider themselves decent parents.”
“And, of course, they sincerely believe that this child owes them ‘for everything you did for them.’ Yes, adolescence can be very difficult in terms of developing relationships with step-parents, but there was still child bullying here, and this, just believe me, is a very complicated story. In the end, children can be very cruel without even realizing it. And, in the end of the day, this girl has every right to spend her birthday with whomever she sees fit. What more can we be talking about here?” Irina ponders.
However, most commenters unanimously sided with the girl, claiming that she did everything right here
Parenting
