It’s never nice being deceived, but the last people you’d expect backhanded sneakiness from is your own family. After all, you’re supposed to be able to trust those that are the closest to you.
For one woman, she was sickened to discover that her mom and brother had plotted to keep a family inheritance concealed from her. It’s not the money that bothers her, but rather the fact that they went behind her back about it. She turned to Mumsnet to vent.
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Deception is a fact of life, but this woman never expected it from her own family
Image credits:Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When her aunt passed away, she left the woman’s mother and brother a generous inheritance
Image credits:Brett Sayles / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Rather than tell the woman about it, the mother and brother plotted to keep the inheritance a secret from her
Image credits:Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She then shares the fact that, 6 months ago, she discovered that heraunthad left £10,000 each to hermotherand brother, and that the pair had agreed to keep their inheritance a secret from her. She adds that nobody knew why she’d been left out of her aunt’s will, but cites dementia as a possible cause, or perhaps because she lived in another country.
She adds that there’s a history of her mother treating her badly when she was younger and clearly favoring herbrother, but that the secretive behavior is difficult for her to look past. OP’s husband says what the pair did is unforgivable, so she turned to Mumsnet to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable to feel betrayed.
No matter who you are, you’ve probably experienced betrayal in a relationship with someone in your life, whether it be a romantic partner, friend, colleague, or family member. But what is the nature of betrayal? And what are some healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with it? Let’s dive in.
Image credits:Jack Sparrow / Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to the School of Modern Psychologywebsite, betrayal trauma symptoms can include anxiety, depression, anger, trust issues, and even PTSD-like symptoms. Experiencing betrayal can also lead to physical ailments, such as insomnia, fatigue, headaches, hypervigilance, and conditions related to substance abuse.
In herarticlefor PsychCentral, Sarah Barkley writes that betrayal can trigger many complex emotions, which can leave you feeling overwhelmed.
Barkley puts forward 8 tips to deal with the negative feelings that arise from a breach of trust in a relationship.
Some of these include practicing self-care, talking about it with someone you trust, acknowledging and accepting the situation, avoiding self-blame, being patient with yourself, giving yourself some space from the person who betrayed you, and practicing forgiveness as a path towards healing.
Perhaps OP had a role to play in her family choosing not to share the details of the inheritance with her, but they still broke her trust. Seems like she’s got some work to do if the relationships are going to survive, should she want them to.
Bored Pandareached out to psychologistDr. Deborah Heckerto get her expert take on the situation.
Hecker said there are two distressing issues OP is struggling with –emotional devastation and financial disappointment.
“It’s true that money can’t buy love, but an inheritance can be experienced as approval or disapproval,” she adds.
When we asked Dr. Hecker for one piece of advice she’d offer OP, should she want to save the relationships with her mother and brother, she had this to say, “I would validate her feelings as understandable and suggest she not navigate the journey alone, but speak to friends or professionals.”
Hecker added that shewould urge OP to be careful to avoid contentious interactions with her family members, and to decide if she wants to maintain good relationships with her brother and mother.
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