You can’t choose yourfamily. As much as we would all love to be best friends with our siblings and extremely close with our parents, these relationships are often complex and not without obstacles. And our relationships within-lawscan be even more nuanced, as we don’t have any say in who our partner’s family members are either!

After her mother-in-law showed up unannounced looking for a place to stay, one frustrated mom reached out to Reddit in search of support. Below, you’ll find the full story that sheshared, as well as a conversation between the author andBored Panda.

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Elderly woman in yellow coat smiling and waving from a car window, representing the unannounced visit theme.

Image credits: halfpoint / envato (not the actual photo)

So this woman quickly put her foot down when her mother-in-law decided to show up for a visit unannounced

Text about mom’s reaction to MIL visiting unexpectedly, feeling overwhelmed.

Stressed mom leaning against the wall in frustration, hand on her face.

Image credits:Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)

Text about MIL visit discussing extended stay due to unused vacation time.

Text message expressing frustration about mother-in-law’s unannounced visit, stressing the need for her to stay in a hotel.

Text screenshot discussing a canceled visit and rescheduling due to COVID.

Text expressing frustration with MIL visiting unannounced, causing stress and anger.

Image credits:TurtedHen

Online discussion about setting boundaries with a difficult mother-in-law.

Reddit discussion about unannounced MIL visit during COVID, highlighting frustrations.

Text exchange discussing mom’s frustration with MIL’s unannounced visit.

Reddit comment discussing a mom’s frustration with her MIL arriving unannounced, leading to household tension.

Reddit comment discussion about a mom dealing with an unannounced visit from MIL.

Text conversation about mom refusing MIL’s unannounced visit, highlighting stress and frustration.

Reddit comments discussing a mother-in-law showing up unannounced, with users sharing thoughts on handling the situation.

Reddit conversation with users discussing an unannounced mother-in-law visit and its challenges.

Reddit comments discussing unannounced MIL visits and family boundaries.

“This was just the straw that broke the camel’s back”

To find out more about this situation, we reached out to the woman who made this post, Reddit userTurtedHen. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and provide a brief update on what happened later. “She did end up staying in a hotel and drove back just a couple of days later,” the author shared.

We also asked how her relationship with her mother-in-law is today. “I just mostly avoid her. It’s always been rocky, so this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back per se, and it allowed me to finally let her know how I really felt,” the mother explained. “So the distance is understood at this point… I hope.”

And thankfully, TurtedHen appreciated the replies that her post received. “I found them very helpful, and I would refer back to them from time to time whenever I needed a reminder of why I should keep avoiding her,” she shared with a laugh.

It’s extremely common for mother and daughter-in-laws to have conflicts

Elderly woman standing with arms crossed on a forest path, expressing frustration.

Image credits:Ave Calvar / pexels (not the actual photo)

If you’re lucky, when you get married, you gain an additional set of parents who love you and maybe even some new brothers and sisters who will always have your back. But unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone. And for many people, their in-laws are more of a thorn in their side than a bouquet of roses.

According to a2022 studypublished in Evolutionary Psychological Science, mothers are actually more likely to report having conflicts with their daughter-in-laws than with their actual daughters.

And psychologist and authorTerri Apterfound while researching for one of her books that a whopping 60% of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships were described as strained, uncomfortable, infuriating, depressing, draining and “simply awful.”

But researchers on this topic note that, if you have issues with your in-laws, it’s not necessarily your fault. Apparently, we’re all hardwired to act in the best interest of our own relatives, which might make it harder to be open and accepting towards in-laws.

And when it comes to mother and daughter-in-laws specifically, Terri Apterwritesthat both may feel threatened, as they’re both trying to secure the same role within their family: “primary woman.”

So what is the best thing to do if you have a difficultmother-in-lawbut you want to make it through your marriage and the holidays with minimal conflicts? First, you may want to determine what exactly the issue is with your in-law. Is she entitled, critical, toxic, needy, etc.?

Setting boundaries is necessary with overbearing in-laws

Hand making a stop gesture, illustrating boundary-setting in family dynamics.

Image credits:Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo)

If you think your spouse’s mother may be overbearing,Choosing Therapybreaks down some of the behaviors to look out for. If she’s always around and doesn’t respect your boundaries, that’s not a good sign.

But thankfully, there are a few tactics that you can use to make encounters with an overbearing mother-in-law less painful. First, it’s important to set boundaries and enforce them. You should also consider where her behavior is coming from if that will help you empathize with her.

If necessary, try to avoid your partner’s mother whenever you can, and always remember to be respectful. Just because she’s treating you poorly doesn’t mean you need to sink to her level. Try to accept that you won’t be able to change her, and give up the idea that you’ll ever reach her unrealistic expectations.

Explain to your partner what it is about her behavior that bothers you, so they can support you and be on your side. And try to figure outhow toanticipate your mother-in-law’s actions. This way, you might be able to avoid her triggers and be prepared for how she’ll react in a variety of situations.

Readers were very supportive of the mom, and many called out her mother-in-law for her entitled behavior

Text post discussing issues with mother-in-law showing up unannounced, causing disruption at home.

Text exchange about refusing unannounced visits from mother-in-law.

Comment discussing a mom’s frustration with MIL showing up unannounced and refusing to let her stay.

Reddit comment discussing assertiveness and setting boundaries with a book recommendation.

Text exchange about MIL’s unplanned visit and hotel room chaos.

Comment expressing frustration about MIL showing up unannounced amidst COVID concerns.

Text exchange discussing conflict with mother-in-law showing up unannounced, seeking to stay without asking.

Text comment about MIL offering help, suggesting making her a chore and grocery list.

Text about mom’s frustration with MIL for showing up unannounced.

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