Respect is paramount to any successful relationship. One way to test whether it’s there is to see how others respond to your healthy boundaries. However, it can be pretty tough to enforce them when it comes to ourfamily members. You might even feel a bit guilty or frustrated that you have to push back against entitled behavior.
Redditor u/HollywoodAlphie went viral afterventingto the r/JUSTNOMIL online community about a touchy situation at home. She revealed how she and her husband were planning on celebrating their 11-year wedding anniversary; however, hermother-in-lawinsisted that they cancel their plans and help her do yard work instead. Check out the story below.Bored Pandahas reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
At times, you might find that your in-laws have difficulty respecting your boundaries
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One internet user opened up about how her mother-in-law felt entitled to her time on her wedding anniversary
Image credits:YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits:HollywoodAlphie
If you’re unlucky enough to have legitimately toxic in-laws, it’s likely making your life hell
Image credits:George Chambers/Pexels (not the actual photo)
That being said, many married couples still deal with a lot of tension with their in-laws. There’s going to be friction between relatives no matter the case, sure. But in some instances, it’s very clear when someone feels entitled enough to keep testing other people’s boundaries.
According to NYT bestselling author Susan Forward, Ph.D., and Donna Frazier in their book‘Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage,’toxic in-laws are a reality of life. They aim to create chaos in your life using various tactics, both subtle and overt.
They categorize toxic in-laws into a few main groups. The Critics, for example, will always tell you what you’re doing wrong. Meanwhile, The Controllers will try to penetrate your boundaries, entrench themselves into your life, and run everything for you.
It would be naive to think that you can turn your entitled or even toxic in-laws intoconsiderate, self-aware, kind, and caring people overnight. Real change happens over a long period of time. It requires transparent communication, clear boundaries, and consequences for ‘bad’ behavior.
Not only that, but it’s genuinely hard for people to change their behavior and outlook on life. Unless something massively rocks their world or they come to a sudden realization of how they impact the people around them, they’re probably going to change only incrementally.
Even that slow progress can be called into question if the individual thinks they’re always in the right, no matter what. So, it might be best to temper your expectations. Aim for creating some peace and quiet in your life first before you set your expectations higher for their behavioral ‘makeover.’
Without proper boundaries, you’re bound to feel frustrated all the time because you’re at others’ beck and call
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The reality is that setting a boundary doesn’t automatically mean it’ll be respected. Sure, you can make it clear that it’s there, but if the other person walks all over it, you’re stuck thinking about how best to respond.
Broadly speaking, there are two potential lines of response. First, you may want to consider whether your boundaries are realistic. They might be too harsh. You might not have made yourboundaries clearenough. Or the entire situation might have been a huge series of (hopefully, hilarious; realistically, exhausting) misunderstandings.
Secondly, if your boundaries keep getting trampled, you may want to rethink your relationship with that person. The reality might be that they simply don’t respect you enough to adapt to your expectations.
In that case, you’re free tospeak tothe person about how their behavior affects you (stay calm, use lots of “I” statements, and avoid chastising them so they don’t get defensive). Alternatively, you can simply accept the situation for what it is: unacceptable. Cut your losses. Spend less time around the individual until they prove to you that they’ve changed.
How well do you get along with your in-laws, dear Pandas? Are they genuinely good people or do you always end up frustrated when they visit? How do you like to celebrate your wedding anniversaries? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section, at the bottom of this post.
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