I am lucky to have grown up in a household withbrotherswhere we were all treated the same way. There weren’t anydouble standardsimposed due to gender or limitations put on us. But unfortunately, society isn’t always as open-minded.
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A woman’s purpose is to serve the Lord, stay pure until marriage, and serve your husband.Being raised with this mentality led to being pressured into giving up my “purity” before marriage and feeling as though I had to stay with that man, waiting on him hand and foot, because that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.Religious trauma is real and is a terrible thing to live with. Thankful I am no longer in that situation.
The way people talk about waiting until marriage to have sex. I used to go to a youth group as a teenager for like two years and at the time believed it was important to wait until marriage. There are so many examples but one I remember is “imagine if everyone passed around a chocolate bar and took a bite, you would still be happy when you got a bite but it wouldn’t be the same as a full chocolate bar.” I’m not a f*****g chocolate bar I’m a human being.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit userNeonroli47, who posed the question, “What is something you once accepted as normal but now it boggles your mind that you ever thought that way?”Neonroli47 was kind enough to have a chat withBored Pandaand shared that they were inspired to start this thread after reading about someone expressing their astonishment at how they accepted poor treatment in aprevious relationship.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit userNeonroli47, who posed the question, “What is something you once accepted as normal but now it boggles your mind that you ever thought that way?”
Neonroli47 was kind enough to have a chat withBored Pandaand shared that they were inspired to start this thread after reading about someone expressing their astonishment at how they accepted poor treatment in aprevious relationship.
That marriage would make me feel complete/happy.
Having a 6 years older boyfriend when you’re 15. My friend had older boyfriends and it felt so normal that I didn’t realize how messed up it was until I was 21 myself. It’s legal to have relations with 15-year olds in my country but it’s still not socially acceptable. Definitely a law that needs to have another look at.
We also asked the OP if there were any beliefs that she used to hold that she doesn’t agree with today. “Belief in religion, or rather, having to base your philosophy on a particular religion,” she shared.“I think it lost its appeal to me after seeing too much fighting between people of different faiths,” she explained. “And eventually, [I started] thinking [that] the mythologies you see in religious books seem illogical.”
We also asked the OP if there were any beliefs that she used to hold that she doesn’t agree with today. “Belief in religion, or rather, having to base your philosophy on a particular religion,” she shared.
“I think it lost its appeal to me after seeing too much fighting between people of different faiths,” she explained. “And eventually, [I started] thinking [that] the mythologies you see in religious books seem illogical.”
That my worth is about how likeable I am and how I can serve others around me.I tried so much to meet the unrealistic expectations and gave up when my dad got cancer and literally no one tried to be there for me except for a few friends who are now my ride or die and they didn’t do it because i was likeable or serving them, they genuinely love me for who i am.That experience changed my entire perspective on life.
Ownership, submission, obeying your partner because they’re the man, and codependancy/narcasstic abuse in relationships because my generation was conditioned to believe it was normal.Woman and children are dehumanized even today.
Pretty much my entire family dynamic growing up, and a lot of subtle sexism- I.e. being the “responsible one” and being expected to cook/keep an eye on my older brother so he didn’t burn the house down, instead of just… holding him accountable and teaching him to cook? The guy basically had to do a chore badly once and it became my responsibility to teach him or do it myself, even though I was cooking full meals and doing my own laundry as a kid.
We were also curious about what Neonroli47 thought of the replies to her post. “I thought there has to be a delicate balance between being your own person and making space for the people you have in your life,” she shared. “A lot of the things described were a result of notteaching childrenthat balance.““The replies that talked about just accepting sex in a way that amounted to letting someone else having ownership of your body jumped out to me,” the OP added. “I related to some replies about how not everyone who you treat well will reciprocate it.”
We were also curious about what Neonroli47 thought of the replies to her post. “I thought there has to be a delicate balance between being your own person and making space for the people you have in your life,” she shared. “A lot of the things described were a result of notteaching childrenthat balance.”
“The replies that talked about just accepting sex in a way that amounted to letting someone else having ownership of your body jumped out to me,” the OP added. “I related to some replies about how not everyone who you treat well will reciprocate it.”
Men won’t like or talk or be attracted to you if you look/dress/behave a certain way.I shaved my head and still get men’s attention. Good decent men will care about and love you for you. Everything my mom told me I was doing that men wouldn’t like about me was wrong.
Women keeping quiet when a man says something rude or stupid. I never saw a woman stand up for women when I was growing up.
Believing that if a boy teases me, he must have a crush on me. My daughters are being raised differently.
I thought spending lots of money on makeup was normal because there’s always new stuff coming out and this pretty color, that nice palette, this new brand that. Turns out a good skincare routine is what’s important, you won’t need makeup then.
Toxic friendships, find myself thinking “why did I ever put up with what they said?”.
Being a people pleaser and feeling like I had to say yes to everything. Twas exhausting.
The food pyramid. I remember growing up in the 90s. I am very allergic to wheat, soy, processed anything, and caramel coloring. All those years pooping blood, I feel much better now. Knowledge is power and I feel more intelligent now.
This might be kinda controversial but polyamory. I’m sure there’s got to be someone who operates better in a poly relationship than in a monogamous one, but from what I’ve seen and experienced, it does nothing but multiply the issues that exist in monogamy.Humans aren’t nearly as enlightened as they want to be or think they are, and jealousy and favoritism are so easy to breed in a situation where you need to give equal attention and communication to multiple people. It’s so easy to gang up on one person in a situation like that.I’m obviously not saying that monogamy is for everyone, but being poly sounds like a nightmare to me and it’s so f*****g difficult to find people who don’t want to be involved with others.I’m pan and nonbinary and I’m also alt which makes me a magnet for these types and they always seem so surprised and a little insulted when I say I want a monogamous relationship.
Pro life. Please don’t judge me! I was young and still in the catholic mindset. Thankfully have grown lots since then.
I grew up as a conservative Sicilian-Italian Catholic and until my late teens/early twenties thought that being submissive towards men was what I was supposed to do. As the years went on and I struggled, I eventually rebelled hard. Now, at 35 years old, an atheist, college educated and twice divorced, I revel in my freedom. The thought of conforming, in so many ways, disgusts me.
Defaulting to prefer male bosses, heroes, politicians, pop stars, actors, everything. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I realized the systemic nature of this. It’s so pervasive, you don’t even notice. Now I support fellow women, LGBTQ, diversity, and minorities all the way.
I took being silenced whenever I spoke up about a different viewpoint as normal. It made me think I had to share the same beliefs as the people around me, especially my parents, which truly f****d up my conscience.
Being unhappy in a relationship, always walking on eggshells around them.
Women letting men be in charge of like, everything. I don’t just mean politics. When I was younger, I had boyfriends give unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, dress, and use/not use makeup. Blows my mind now that any of that seemed normal and ok.
When being called gay was an insult. Now that I think about it, those guys really were horrible.
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Having sex even though i didnt want to or felt like it at the moment, because I thought the guy i was with at the time was right when he said “there is something wrong with you”and i didnt question it because he never had a girl act that way before and i was supposed to satisfy the guy whenever he pleased cause i thought that was the way you were supposed to act when you date someone. Turns out i didnt want to be with the guy because deep down i didnt like him and wasnt attracted to him. Shouldve listen to my body. Never again.
Traditional gender roles in a household.
Thinking that weight is health, and that smaller is better.
Men will fantasize about every woman in their life.My ex really messed with my head and I’m beyond relieved to know that’s not usually the case.
That women shave everyday.
Being constantly pestered to have sex because that’s just what being in a relationship means.HAHAHAHAhaha no.
Men being controlling, possessive, and overall toxic in relationships. The movies catered to me from childhood all showed me that if a man wants me he will be possessive and not want any other guy to even look at me — I thought it was romantic. I used to feel undesired / like he didn’t really like me if he wasn’t controlling and didn’t get jealous a guy stared at me too long.
Letting men tell me what I’m worth. “Solving” relationship issues/fights with sex instead of talking.
That girls were naturally catty and you just deal with it because of growing pains. Nope, just like sh**ty little boys who use aggression and violence to solve all their problems because their parents didn’t bother raising them to communicate girls are not naturally catty and using misogyny to excuse the insane, cruel and abusive sh*t girls did to me/did to each other is doing NOTHING for the gender.That everyone just grows up and finds their group/mate unless you absolutely do NOT want a partner in life. Nope, that apparently is not at all a thing.
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Underwire bras, they’re such a scam. Only way I’m wearing a wire under my breasts ever again is if I become an informant for the feds.
Being in a relationship with a man who didn’t care about my pleasure.
I thought it was normal to let my ex have sex with me so many times a day even if i didnt like it or it hurt me because he was happy.
My family treating me like a lesser human. Love being conditional. Having to work all the time. Wearing makeup hair and clothes to please other people.
Being treated with basic human decency is a rare & special treat which you’re spoiled if you expect. I am still unlearning that & trying to realize that I have worth, however I do know that was wrong to believe.
That I met my husband a month after I turned 18 and he was 31.
Calling best friends or close friends “b***h” as a term of endearment. Oh my adolescent self.
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