Jealousy is oftenassociatedwith an increased love for another person. However, there comes a point when these intense feelings can become unhealthy and destructive to arelationship.
In this story, a woman’s jealousy pushed her todelete a messagebetween her husband and his ex-girlfriend. While the incident happened five years prior, her actions caused theestrangementbetween her spouse and his daughter.
Living with regret and resentment toward his wife, the manstruggled to accepthis reality. This whirlwind of emotions led him to the Relationship Advice subreddit to seek answers and clarity.
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A man was deprived of a relationship with his daughter because of his partner’s jealousy-driven actions from years prior
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The author provided an update to his story, stating that things became more complicated
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The drama extended to his immediate family, who got themselves involved
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Jealousy is “hard-wired” in all human beings
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People like the author’s wife may struggle to rise abovejealousyand prevent it from getting the better of them. That’s because it’s a “hard-wired” emotion in every human being.
Neuroscientist and Harvard University researcherDr. Baland Jalalsupports this theory, adding that jealousy also motivates the person to secure the survival of the person and their offspring.
However, these supposed “corrective” actions may urge a person to respond in ways that may cause a breach of trust. As Awake Therapy lead psychologistDr. Mark Traversexplains, such behaviors may include looking through their significant other’s phone, something the author’s partner did.
But what exactly pushes a person to act unhinged?According toDr. Jalal, the brain’s emotion centers, which also trigger jealousy, are separately wired from the region where logic and reasoning occur. As a result, emotions get the better of a person, and they abandon rationality altogether.
“What began as a partnership of equals can degenerate into an unhappy relationship of guard and jailer,” adds University of Oxford clinical psychology professorDr. Daniel Freeman.
A realistic perception of forgiveness can help rebuild the broken trust from jealous behavior
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The story’s author admitted to being at a loss, not knowing how he and his wife could move forward. His inability to forgive, coupled with the heavy regret of unintentionally abandoning his daughter, is likely weighing him down.
If so, he may fall into the same trap most people experience when their spouse breaks their trust. According to licensed therapistStephanie Manes JD, LCSW, many believe forgiveness is simply about putting the past behind them and moving on, something she describes as “unrealistic and unnecessary.”
Instead, she urges a shift in mindset toward acceptance. As she explained in an interview withWell and Good, it’s about seeing such trials and tribulations as strengthening the union in the long run.
“Over time, it can become part of a bigger story you can write about your relationship,” she explained.
Manes adds that jumping intobig decisionsabout the future is unwise. As she explains, the fallout of dishonesty in a marriage can put the couple in crisis mode. The wrong mindset may cloud the decision on the next move.
Instead, Manes recommends “letting the dust settle” and focusing on healing before determining whether or not it’s worth it to stay together.
The author stated he and his wife have gone their separate ways for the time being while he deals with his emotions. He may be on the right track, as it also allows his spouse to realize the consequences of her actions.
What do you think, readers? What other options does the author have that may help save his marriage?
The author answered reader questions to provide more insights
Commenters responded with their pieces of advice
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