Everybody has a different plan for theirlife. Some folks want to travel before settling down, others want to start a family as soon as possible, and many are too focused on their career to want to do anything else. Regardless of what a person does with their life, they’re entitled to pick the path they like best.
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Both partners need to be on the same page about the kind of life they want to live, and nobody else should be able to poke their nose into those matters
Image credits:Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman explained that although she came from a conservative family that expected her to have kids soon, she and her husband wanted to travel and build their careers first
Image credits:Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman had distanced herself from her family, so when she eventually got pregnant 4 years later, she decided to announce it online instead of telling them directly
Image credits:cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s family was angry that she didn’t tell them her news in person, and her mother showed up at her house expecting to be fully involved in her grandkid’s life
The woman felt conflicted about letting her mother back into her life, especially after being called selfish for not becoming a mom soon enough
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Nearly20% of womenin the U.S. have their first kid after the age of 35, and many do so based on when they feel emotionally prepared, if they have flexibility in their career, and also their financial security. Even if both partners decide that they want to have kids later on in life, it’s their decision to make and nobody else’s.
Unfortunately for the OP, her conservativemombelieved that a woman’s primary purpose was to have babies. That’s why she kept pestering the poster to change her mind. The OP’s family also told her that she was living a “sad life” because she hadn’t experienced motherhood like her sister.
To get some insight into why the poster’s family seems to have such stringent beliefs,Bored Pandareached out toSusie Fishleder. She is a professional coach and motherhood advocate who hosts the podcast ‘Rebel Mothers.’ She coaches her clients to push past their limitations so that they can unlock their highest potential and thrive at home as well as at work.
We asked Susie why it is sometimes religious women themselves who force the same restrictions they face onto the other women in their lives. She told us that “patriarchal religions often create a hierarchy where women’s value is tied to conforming to specific roles, like being wives and mothers.”
“For many women within these systems, enforcing these roles on others can feel like protecting what they know or even finding a sense of purpose. It’s also important to recognize that patriarchal systems rely on women as enforcers of the status quo.”
“They’re often positioned as gatekeepers, policing other women to maintain cultural or religious ideals. In many ways, the system sets women up to restrict one another instead of questioning the larger structures that confine everyone,” she added.
Image credits:Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP’s family definitely has astrict religiouspoint of view about how women are meant to give birth and primarily look after the family. Elders who tend to follow this kind of thinking might also try to force the next generation to subscribe to it, which is exactly what was happening to the poster.
Susietold us that “in many conservative ideologies, motherhood is seen as a divine or ultimate calling for women. This belief often comes from patriarchal interpretations of religious texts that prioritize women’s roles as caregivers over their individuality. Motherhood gets put on this pedestal.
“While mothering can be deeply fulfilling and meaningful, it shouldn’t be the only thing that defines a woman’s worth. This glorification of motherhood also restricts women to roles that keep them dependent and isolated. It creates so much pressure for mothers to be ‘perfect’ while devaluing women who cannot or choose not to have children,” she shared.
So, after years of being pestered for not having a kid, the woman decided to distance herself from hertoxic family. When she finally realized that she was expecting, she didn’t want to tell them about it directly. Instead, she made a post about it online, and that’s how they found out the news. This was probably her way of still trying to maintain the boundary she had set with them.
It’s, after all, not easy to set limits with overbearing family members. People often feel a sense of guilt aboutsetting boundaries, especially if their relatives and loved ones react strongly to it. In the end, it’s important to protect one’s mental peace in order to live life on one’s own terms.
We asked Susie what’s the best way to set boundaries with a religious person who insists that a woman’s worth is based in motherhood. She said that “it really starts with knowing your own values and self-worth outside of motherhood. When you approach these conversations, it’s helpful to be compassionate and clear.”
“You could say something like, ‘I respect your beliefs, but I don’t share the view that a woman’s worth is tied solely to motherhood. My value comes from who I am, not just the roles I play.’ If the person keeps pushing, it’s okay to change the subject or even step away. At the end of the day, it’s not your job to change their mind; you just need to protect your own sense of self,” Susie added.
It’s incredibly difficult not to feel a little hurt and guilty in situations like this. The OP also seemed to waver about her decision, but netizens reminded her that if she let her mom back in, it would restart the cycle ofcontrollingbehavior. Things might be uncomfortable for a while, but at least the poster, her partner, and her kid would be happy.
Do you think the OP handled the situation correctly? What would you have done if you were in her position?
People sided with the poster and urged her to stay strong and not let her mom waltz back into her life
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