Some wise people in the pastsaidthat bad peace is always better than a good quarrel. I do not argue, as sometimes it happens exactly like that. But sometimes you just need to stand up and face the conflict, to make it clear to the person that their behavior makes you uncomfortable—to escalate the conflict.
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The author of the post has a much-coveted thing, but she never dared to buy it due to its price—around $500
Image credits:Kira auf der Heide / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Recently, the woman’s husband claimed that he will buy it as a Christmas gift for her
Image credits:EnvironmentalEgg7874
Image credits:The Retro Store / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author was glad, but the spouse made waiting literally unbearable with his numerous snide remarks about the costly gift
Image credits:Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author tried to give him a slight hint to stop him from making these remarks—but he kept doing it anyway
So, the lady just ended up telling him not to buy the gift at all—and he accused her of ruining Christmas after learning the true reason
So, the Original Poster (OP) has long wanted one cool thing for herself, but the only thing that kept her from buying it was its price—about 500 dollars. But the author isn’t a big spender, so she always, even at Christmas, refrained from buying it. Until, finally, recently, her husband solemnly swore that he wouldbuythis much-coveted gift for her soon. Very soon.
Of course, our heroine was very happy, although she would’ve preferred for her spouse to make it aChristmas surprise. But, in the end, she really wanted this gift. Only, in the following weeks, the husband made the anticipation of the gift literally unbearable…
The guy allowed himself to make sarcastic and, as it probably seemed to him, damned amusing remarks about the expensive gift for his wife almost every day. Almost every mention of money in any way became an excuse for him to sarcastically remind her what a hole her gift would make in the family budget.
Our heroine tried to make delicate hints to her husband that she was uncomfortable listening to such words day after day, but he didn’t get it. Or, he just didn’t want to understand. It all ended with the original poster simply telling the spouse one fine day that she no longer wanted this gift. And it was better not to buy it at all.
The quarrel erupted—and the OP explained what exactly about her husband’s behavior upset her. However, again, the man didn’t react as the author expected. He got upset and said that she had ruinedChristmasfor him. And now the woman, on top of everything, also felt guilty—like, wouldn’t it have been better for her to just keep her mouth shut?
Image credits:Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
No, it wasn’t better. Definitely not better. And the decision to tell the husband what was bothering her in the situation was 100% right. “Nothing good would have come from this woman keeping silent about her husband’s offensive remarks. In addition, she would have unwittingly encouraged this behavior,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologistand certified NLP specialist, whomBored Pandaasked for a comment here.
“Herhusband’s behaviorwas, to put it mildly, inappropriate. But, apparently, this pattern was inherent in him before – and he simply could not imagine that his supposedly ‘harmless’ jokes and jibes could be offensive to others.”
“Well, an attempt to shift the blame for this situation onto the wife – an attempt to accuse her of ‘ruining the holiday’ – is also a kind of manipulative technique. Instead of admitting his own wrongness. I do hope that sooner or later he realizes this. Better, of course, sooner…” Irina ponders.
Well, the commenters on the original post reasonably noted that the author is only guilty of belittling her own desires and importance in the family. “Stop making excuses and deal with it,” someone wrote. “You are worth it and, you can do it.” “You are [wrong] for staying withthis guy,” another person even claimed.
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