Food can be the thing that builds bridges between people. For example, people can enjoy certain types of food and build relationships over that enjoyment. At the same time, it can also be the thing that damages or ruins these bridges. Like when someone doesn’t like certain food and that, for some reason, annoys another person very much.
Today’s story is about a similar situation, where an autistic woman was bullied for having sensory issues related to food. Her bully was kicked out for her actions, and it turned into a “who’s the jerk here?” situation.
More info:Reddit
How should you react when you see your loved one picked on just because they have food-related sensory issues?
Image credits:Viridiana Rivera (not the actual photo)
Image credits:August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
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After the teasing ended in tears, the man kicked out his brother and his fiancée from his house, and he later got blamed for ruining their big announcement
The post’s author’s girlfriend, whom he called Kelly in the story, is autistic. One of her biggest sensory triggers is food. For example, she can’t eat certain vegetables as they are, but she doesn’t mind having them incorporated into the meal in other ways.
The OP’s brother, Kevin, recently got engaged to his girlfriend Laura. So, they came for dinner at the post author’s house, saying they had something to announce.
The man made a Japanese-themed dinner. The main dish was ramen made from scratch. And since his girlfriend doesn’t like beef or pork and his mother doesn’t eat pork, he made it with chicken. To Kelly’s portion, he also added some extra vegetables instead of eggs, which she’s not fond of. Everyone else had the standard meal.
Laura also tried to take some of Kelly’s ramen to prove her point, which distressed the woman even further. So, it’s no shock that it all resulted in an argument between the women, leading to tears.
After that, the OP asked his brother and his fiancée Laura to leave. Even the parents were horrified over Laura’s behavior and hinted she should apologize. Later that evening, the post’s author received a call from his brother calling him a jerk for kicking them out. Apparently, they were planning to reveal Laura’s pregnancy, and their announcement was ruined.
People online were completely sure who the actual jerk in the situation was — and it wasn’t the OP or Kelly. Of course — it was Laura. They dubbed her a “mean girl,” as she couldn’t stop picking on Kelly just because she has sensitivities to certain foods. As netizens said — not liking certain foods or having sensory issues with them doesn’t mean that you should be picked on.
For a broader understanding of autistic people’s sensory issues related to food,Bored Pandareached out to autism advocate Kaelynn Partlow (check out herInstagram,YouTube, andnonprofit organization) and Agustina from “The Autistic Life” (check out herInstagram, digital resourcesstore,and1-1 peer supportprogram).
Agustina said that sensory sensitivity and avoidance are only one part of autistic individual’s food sensitivities, as sensory seeking also exists: “Sensory seekers are often under-stimulated, so they will seek sensory stimuli to fulfill that need – in the context of food, this might look like having a strong preference for sweet, salty, or sour tastes, sometimes all combined!”
At the same time, Kaelynn voiced that when people think about sensory issues related to food, they usually think about taste. Yet, it’s not the only thing that can be related to an individual’s food sensitivities. According to her, the person can have food sensory issues related to:
Kaelynn continued: “It’s worth noting that it’s not our actual abilities to smell, touch, taste, hear, or see that are heightened. Rather, it’s our brain’s interpretation of those senses that is ‘turned up’ to a higher level than in most neurotypical people’s brains. When people say autistic brains are ‘wired differently,’ this is part of what they mean.”
Agustina noted that due to sensory sensitivities, many autistic individuals tend to gravitate towards eating the same foods on a daily basis to avoid the likelihood of experiencing sensory overload of unexpected flavors or textures.
She said: “Taste can be a major issue, with some finding strong flavors too intense, leading to preferences for more plain foods. Texture tends to be equally important, with certain textures, like crunchy, mushy, or slimy, being very dysregulating for some, leading to a strong preference for food with uniform textures and avoiding foods with mixed textures.”
The autism advocate Kaelynn says that forcing a person to tolerate an element of foods they find aversive can be physically painful to them. “When interacting with autistic people, I would urge you to be sensitive to this and respect the ‘no’ when someone declines certain foods.”
Image credits:Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Kaelynn thinks that it should be noted that having a sensory sensitivity is not equal to being a picky eater. It’s way deeper than that. Being a picky eater means being unwilling to try out new foods and eating only familiar ones. Having sensory issues related to food means that people on the spectrum usually experience “mild” things overwhelmingly, and it can even be suffocating for them.
She compared it to doing a complex task while having people talking to you, poking you, and blaring music playing all at once. “It would be too much information to process andfocus on the task at hand at the same time. For autistic and other neurodivergent people with sensory processing differences, it just takes less stimuli to overflow our systems.”
The autism advocate added a story from her personal experience: “As someone who was diagnosed with autism myself when I was 10, I personally find it helpful to have a heads-up when aversive sensory stimuli is going to be present. For example, if my roommate plans on making asparagus, I appreciate knowing that ahead of time, so I can light a candle, turn the fan on, or open the door to let it air out.”
Agustina amplified the idea of flexibility when it comes to food: “Allowing autistic people to have control over our meal choices and accommodating our preferences, whether you understand them or not on a personal level, can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes, this might involve offering alternative options or even allowing us to bring our own food if necessary.”
Speaking of the stigma that people who have sensory issues with food experience, it is often believed that these individuals will eat these foods when “they’re hungry enough.” Kaelynn stated that this belief is untrue and, in fact, dangerous. She recalled several instances where this belief led to the autistic person being hospitalized, as they didn’t eat “when they were hungry enough.” They just didn’t eat at all. “Sensory differences are not something to be downplayed or dismissed because ignoring them can result in serious and occasionally life-threatening consequences.”
“The Autistic Life” advocate said that this kind of stigma arises from a lack of people’s awareness, usually due to not having these sensitivities themselves or not being familiar with autism and misinterpreting it. That can lead to negative consequences like judgment and social isolation, which only further complicates the relationship with food and can even result in health issues, such as gastrointestinal diseases, which are quitecommonamong autistic individuals.
The autism advocate Kaelynn also noted that the therapy for food sensory sensitivities should be left to professionals. Family and friends shouldn’t host interventions at mealtimes for the autistic individual. They should simply be supportive of them.
With this thought in mind, we could say that Laura from the story really messed up. Maybe she thought that she was having some sort of “intervention” for Kelly, but still, it was a really poor choice. Just as people online said — picking on someone just due to their eating preferences is a jerk move.
People online unitedly decided that the bully was a “mean girl” and she was very wrong to act the way she did
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