Those looking for a long-term relationship often discuss (not) having children in the somewhat early stages of dating. That in no way means that one should start planning a family with a person they’ve been on three dates with; but having at least a brief conversation about it some more dates later might be a good idea.
That’s because people might have different expectations and it’s important for a couple to be on the same page if they want things to last. Unfortunately, forthis redditorthey didn’t, as her husband revealed he has two kids, which was something she never wanted herself.
When in a serious relationship, it might be necessary to discuss certain important matters, such as (not) wanting children
Image credits:oneinchpunchphotos (not the actual photo)
This child-free woman said she will divorce her husband if he fights for custody of his two kids he kept secret
Image credits:u/InitiativeDramatic11
Image credits:Jena Backus (not the actual photo)
The number of people who don’t expect to have children is seemingly on the rise
Nowadays, the idea of having children seems to be less appealing to adults than it used to be.Research suggeststhat fewer of them expect to have kids in their lifetime than before, and nearly 22% of the US adult population are choosing to be child-free. It’s important to note that unlike childless, the term child-free refers to people who explicitly don’t wish to have children, such as the OP, who clearly stated that she didn’t.
The research suggested that child-free people tend to face a set of challenges, as they might be viewed a certain way at work (for instance, their time might be considered “less valuable”, because they don’t have any little ones to rush home to), or have to deal with stigmatization and negative stereotypes from other adults both with and without children.
Researchers have delved deeper into where such stigmatization comes from and found that its main source is moral outrage over violating certain social roles and other stereotypic expectations. The expert leading the study, associate professor of psychology at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis, Leslie Ashburn-Nardo,pointed outthat “not having children is seen not only as atypical, or surprising, but also as morally wrong”.
Image credits:Andre Furtado (not the actual photo)
In the OP’s case, there was more at play than the matter of raising children
Image credits:Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
There might be many reasons people choose to keep secrets in their relationships, though, from shame and embarrassment—which seem to be the main ones, according tosome research—to trying to safeguard themselves and the relationship. In the OP’s case, it’s unclear why the husband chose to keep such a secret—and for so long, too—but the cat that got out of the bag was simply too big for the redditor to ignore.
Fellow redditors didn’t think she was a [jerk] in this situation
Some time later, the redditor posted an update, revealing she was divorcing her husbandYou May Like“AITA For Banning My Husband From All Doctor Appointments After He Repeatedly Messes With Me?”Viktorija OšikaitėMan Doesn’t Like Kids And Won’t Get Involved In Nephew’s Life, Doesn’t Get Why It’s WrongMantas Kačerauskas“I Feel Bad For His Wife”: People Give Man A Reality Check For Insisting On His Daily RoutineJustinas Keturka
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