There are a few key topics that couples should be on the same page about before deciding to get married. They don’t necessarily have to see eye to eye on politics and religion, but they must at least respect one another’s beliefs. It’s also wise to know exactly where your partner is at financially and what they imagine for the future. If one of you plans to have three kids while the other only wants a dog and a cat, issues might arise.
Below, you’ll find a story that was recentlysharedon Reddit detailing how one woman broke off her engagement after her fiancé suddenly decided kids were a deal breaker for him.
It’s important for couples to be on the same page about having children before deciding to get married
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Having children certainly isn’t for everyone
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Some people grow up their whole lives dreaming about being a mother or father. They can’t imagine a life without little ones, and they might assume that everyone they date feels the same way. And while plenty of people do want kids, asStatistareports that over 40% of family households in the US had children under 18 living there in 2022, it’s simply a fact that kids aren’t for everyone.
In 2021, thePew Research Centerfound that 44% of non-parents between the ages of 18 to 49 say it’s unlikely that they’ll ever have kids. In fact, 56% of those who don’t plan to have kids say it’s simply because they don’t want to. Other reasons childless adults cited for not having littles are medical reasons, financial reasons, not having a partner, their age, the state of the world, climate change and their partner not wanting to have kids.
Despite how rewarding being a parent can be, it’s important for moms and dads to understand what they’re getting themselves into before taking the leap. Raising kids is expensive, it changes the rest of your life, it forces your world to revolve around them instead of you. Being a parent can be incredible when moms and dads commit to it, but it’s completely unfair for a kid to grow up with parents who never really wanted them in the first place.
Becoming a parent changes your entire life, including your marriage
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Parents may disagree on how exactly to raise their little ones, they may become more irritable due to the exhaustion of taking care of kids, they’ll have less time for one another and their own relationship, and there might be no time left for either parent to ever be alone. Not to mention the fact that finances areone of the top thingscouples argue about, and they can become much tighter when there are kids in the picture.
Wedding therapist Landis Bejar toldBusiness Insiderthat couples should not only discuss whether or not they want kids but specifically how many and what parenting looks like to them. It’s wise to discuss how each of your relationships are with your parents and how you wouldraise kids similarly or differently. You might also want to spend time with a friend or sibling’s kiddos to see how your partner interacts with little ones and how exhausted they are after a day of child rearing.
It can be very challenging for couples to last if they aren’t on the same page about starting a family
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We’re all entitled to have deal breakers when it comes to our relationships. If you know for a fact you want to have three kids, you are allowed to look for a partner who wants exactly the same type of family. But is it ever possible for couples to survive if they disagree on issues as important as whether or not to have kids? Anita Chlipala, LMFT, toldVerywell Mindthat if couples want to work through the hurdle of being on a different page about children, they need to be careful to prevent resentment.
“I’ve worked with clients where Partner A changed their mind because they didn’t want to lose the relationship, but then years later they ended up breaking up anyway because Partner A just couldn’t bring themselves to follow through on having children,” the expert explained. “And for either partner, I also want to make sure they did the work to own their decision; otherwise, this could be a breeding ground for resentment down the road.”
Chlipala says it’s likely time to call it quits if there’s no space for negotiation or compromise, if one partner sees kids as core to their life purpose, or if the issue is causing significant distress or harm to their relationship. She also notes that pressure and ultimatums are not likely to yield successful outcomes either.
Readers shared concern for the woman, and she joined in on the conversation to provide more information
Many assured the woman that she made the right choice to leave, noting how scary her ex’s behavior was
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