Generouslandlordsare rare. Nowadays, it can be hard to find a home that doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg. So, when you come across a man who’s willing tolower your rentout of the goodness of his heart, you should probably treat him like the saint that he is.
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The husband detailed the story online, asking who was the jerk in this situation
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People find it hard to apologize because it means having to humble yourself before the victim
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Apologizingcan be hard, even if you mean it. After a blowout like the one described in this story, it can be difficult to make the other person believe you’re sincerelysorry. So what are the secrets to the subtle art of the apology?
First of all,saying “sorry”is so hard because it’s a threat to our sense of self. It’s a blow to our ego: we have to diminish ourselves in admitting that we were wrong. For some people, especially those who hold themselves to a high ethical standard, it can be hard to admit that they’ve done something morally wrong.
Tyler G. Okimoto, Ph.D.,writesthat in apologizing, we have to diminish ourselves. “It makes you feel bad because you are admitting to others (and yourself) that you are capable of making mistakes or doing wrong,” he points out. “It questions our integrity: We are not the perfect person we make ourselves out to be.”
Some people go into self-defense mode. As Karina Schumann, a professor of Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh,explained to Vox, “[People] push [the] blame onto the other person, they think of excuses, all the situational factors that caused them to behave the way they did.”
A good apology should have six steps, but even then, reconciliation is not a given
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Marjorie Ingall and Susan McMcarthy have co-authored a book,Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies, where they detail the elements of a sincere and good apology. According to them, there are six:
Actually use the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize;”
Explicitly say what you’re apologizing for;
Let the victim know you understand why your words or actions were hurtful;
Don’t give excuses, but explain if they’re willing to listen;
Give concrete examples of how you’re working toward bettering yourself;
Say that you will fix what’s broken (especially in cases where there was financial damage).
There’s also the last half-step, as the authorssay. It’s listening to what the other party has to say. Sometimes, it might not be a lot. Some people might not be willing to listen beyond the “I’m sorry.” But if they have something to say, the perpetrator needs to listen.
Victims oftenfeelthat people hurt them on purpose and unfairly. So, in a situation like this one, the husband might say that there was no logical explanation for the outburst, but the kind landlord might still not believe him. The other person always reserves the right not to hear the explanations or not to extendforgiveness.
Many people empathized with the author, but they cautioned him to check if his wife might have some unresolved mental issues
Others had no sympathy for the couple, calling them selfish grifters
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