Generally, our societies condemncheaters. But we still usually give them the opportunity to explain themselves, which can impact how harshly they are judged. Take responsibility, show that you understand the effect your actions had on others, and you might be forgiven faster. However, some excuses raise more questions than they answer. So, we searched the internet far and wide, and compiled a list of the most ridiculous arguments people used to justify their infidelity. Were any of these legit? Perhaps, who knows? But they sounded weird nonetheless.This post may includeaffiliate links.
Generally, our societies condemncheaters. But we still usually give them the opportunity to explain themselves, which can impact how harshly they are judged. Take responsibility, show that you understand the effect your actions had on others, and you might be forgiven faster. However, some excuses raise more questions than they answer. So, we searched the internet far and wide, and compiled a list of the most ridiculous arguments people used to justify their infidelity. Were any of these legit? Perhaps, who knows? But they sounded weird nonetheless.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
To learn more about how to look at these (and other similar) statements, we got in touch with marriage and family therapist Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem, PsyD, LMFT, also known asthe Father of Modern Infidelity Counseling.
“This is especially true when considering that infidelity is considered a taboo behavior across many religions and cultures,” he added.
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Dr. Talal acknowledges that engaging in affairs is an immoral act because it violates the societal agreed-upon standard in behaviors as well as the relationship contract.However, “it’s also true that good people with a long history of moral living are capable of making awful, immoral choices like engaging in affairs,” said the author of the booksUnfaithful & Unrepentant: Affairs Beyond the Hope of RepairandInfidelity: The Best Worst Thing that Could Happen to Your Marriage: The Complete Guide on How to Heal from Affairs.“So, what does this mean for the betrayed and the rest of the world who sees the cheater as a bad person due to choosing to commit a bad deed? Should we separate people from their actions and the devastating destruction they cause? And at what point can we fairly label someone as an immoral human being? These are all fair and important questions to ponder. There is no simple answer to these questions,” the therapist said.“The next best thing I can offer you is two observations I have encountered in my clinical experience.”
Dr. Talal acknowledges that engaging in affairs is an immoral act because it violates the societal agreed-upon standard in behaviors as well as the relationship contract.
However, “it’s also true that good people with a long history of moral living are capable of making awful, immoral choices like engaging in affairs,” said the author of the booksUnfaithful & Unrepentant: Affairs Beyond the Hope of RepairandInfidelity: The Best Worst Thing that Could Happen to Your Marriage: The Complete Guide on How to Heal from Affairs.
“So, what does this mean for the betrayed and the rest of the world who sees the cheater as a bad person due to choosing to commit a bad deed? Should we separate people from their actions and the devastating destruction they cause? And at what point can we fairly label someone as an immoral human being? These are all fair and important questions to ponder. There is no simple answer to these questions,” the therapist said.
“The next best thing I can offer you is two observations I have encountered in my clinical experience.”
Mine cheated on me cus he didn’t want to ask for money and was hungry and the girl worked at little Caesars. I replied so she was also hot and ready?
Dr. Talal’s first observation is that many people have the potential for change if they have these four ingredients: awareness of the problem and its impact on themselves and others, healthy motivations for making the changes, the knowledge and tools needed to make the changes, and the opportunity and patience to put the new skills into practice to achieve competency.
“I forgot we were exclusive” we lived together
“You were holding me back from the navy” after we broke up he didn’t join the navy… He started working at a SMOKE SHOP
“The second observation is that there is a small segment of the population who are unable and/or unwilling to change their behavior even when you provide them with an ideal environment and the ingredients needed to be successful,” the therapist said.Who are these individuals, and why are they like that?“It’s the unfaithful partners who cheat because of individual factors that cause infidelity such as in the case of individuals with antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. This statement should not be interpreted as ‘personality disorders are not treatable.’ It’s merely a clinical observation of how these disorders can be very resistant to treatment and clinical interventions,” Dr. Talal explained.
“The second observation is that there is a small segment of the population who are unable and/or unwilling to change their behavior even when you provide them with an ideal environment and the ingredients needed to be successful,” the therapist said.
Who are these individuals, and why are they like that?
“It’s the unfaithful partners who cheat because of individual factors that cause infidelity such as in the case of individuals with antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. This statement should not be interpreted as ‘personality disorders are not treatable.’ It’s merely a clinical observation of how these disorders can be very resistant to treatment and clinical interventions,” Dr. Talal explained.
“You stopped doing my laundry”, well, I was in a car accident and had back surgery, the doctor told me not lift, bend, or strain for 6wks post op.
“If you saw her you would understand”
He told me “well you were at college doing better for yourself so I did better for myself too!” we were done right then
The important thing to remember is that just because some people cheat repeatedly does not automatically mean that all cheaters are incapable and/or unwilling to change.“What we are forgetting to ask when we hear about those stories are two important questions: why are they continuing to cheat, and are the reasons behind the infidelity behavior the same with every affair?” Dr. Talal said.The most common scenario the therapist sees in his own practice that contributes to multiple incidents of infidelity is the failure to appropriately address the first occurrence of infidelity.“This does not simply mean failing to seek counseling. Many couples waste a lot of time and money in a generalized therapy process that doesn’t get to the heart of the issue,” Dr. Talal highlighted. “Failure in addressing the first occurrence is the failure in engaging in a therapeutic process that would help the unfaithful and the betrayed take the crucial steps needed to achieve full recovery. Those steps include identifying the type of infidelity that took place, the factors that contributed to it, taking accountability and acknowledging the impact of the damage, and implementing a concrete action plan for change.”
The important thing to remember is that just because some people cheat repeatedly does not automatically mean that all cheaters are incapable and/or unwilling to change.
“What we are forgetting to ask when we hear about those stories are two important questions: why are they continuing to cheat, and are the reasons behind the infidelity behavior the same with every affair?” Dr. Talal said.
The most common scenario the therapist sees in his own practice that contributes to multiple incidents of infidelity is the failure to appropriately address the first occurrence of infidelity.
“This does not simply mean failing to seek counseling. Many couples waste a lot of time and money in a generalized therapy process that doesn’t get to the heart of the issue,” Dr. Talal highlighted. “Failure in addressing the first occurrence is the failure in engaging in a therapeutic process that would help the unfaithful and the betrayed take the crucial steps needed to achieve full recovery. Those steps include identifying the type of infidelity that took place, the factors that contributed to it, taking accountability and acknowledging the impact of the damage, and implementing a concrete action plan for change.”
“You’re pregnant and I’m stressed about it”
He said I kid you not “I lost my sock and I was in distress”
“I wanted to practice to be better for you”
A failure to complete one or more of these steps, according to Dr. Talal, often leads to the continuation of infidelity behavior.“This is especially true when we consider that without identifying the type of affair and the factors that contributed to it, we won’t know what needs to be fixed,” he said. “This means there is a high potential for relapse and/or an inability to rebuild trust.““Failing to rebuild trust after the first affair can cause the unfaithful partner to cheat again. It goes something like this: ‘If I am always going to be seen as an untrustworthy cheater no matter what I do, then I may as well do it again.’ More importantly, if we know what happened and why it happened and we don’t hold the unfaithful accountable for the damage and/or do not require changes in behavior, then we are simply giving them a green light to reoffend. This statement should not be confused as blaming the betrayed for the affair. The statement simply highlights the betrayed partner’s responsibility in advocating for what they need from the unfaithful in order to heal and rebuild trust.”
A failure to complete one or more of these steps, according to Dr. Talal, often leads to the continuation of infidelity behavior.
“This is especially true when we consider that without identifying the type of affair and the factors that contributed to it, we won’t know what needs to be fixed,” he said. “This means there is a high potential for relapse and/or an inability to rebuild trust.”
“Failing to rebuild trust after the first affair can cause the unfaithful partner to cheat again. It goes something like this: ‘If I am always going to be seen as an untrustworthy cheater no matter what I do, then I may as well do it again.’ More importantly, if we know what happened and why it happened and we don’t hold the unfaithful accountable for the damage and/or do not require changes in behavior, then we are simply giving them a green light to reoffend. This statement should not be confused as blaming the betrayed for the affair. The statement simply highlights the betrayed partner’s responsibility in advocating for what they need from the unfaithful in order to heal and rebuild trust.”
My ex husband said he was stressed because I lost my job. I was out of work for one month! I had been back to work for months!
He resented me for being loyal during his low point in life. Didnt blame me. Just resented that I was simply there, being loyal. Being supportive or understanding or loving. He hates me for that
“It was the devil trying to break us up”
I didn’t think you liked me (we were engaged)
The second most common scenario of repeated offenders that Dr. Talal sees are unfaithful partners who are unrepentant after the discovery of their first affair.“Their lack of repentance about what they did and how it negatively impacted their partners can obliterate any chances for healing from the trauma and rebuilding trust,” he said.Scrolling through the list, we can likely notice this manifestation"The cause of the lack of repentance is varied and manifests differently from one person to another based on which archetype of unrepentant unfaithful partner they fit into.
The second most common scenario of repeated offenders that Dr. Talal sees are unfaithful partners who are unrepentant after the discovery of their first affair.
“Their lack of repentance about what they did and how it negatively impacted their partners can obliterate any chances for healing from the trauma and rebuilding trust,” he said.
Scrolling through the list, we can likely notice this manifestation
“The cause of the lack of repentance is varied and manifests differently from one person to another based on which archetype of unrepentant unfaithful partner they fit into.
“I was bored and you live too far away” we lived 5 minutes apart, the girl he cheated with lived further away than me
“There was a tornado near us and my anxiety was up” so I responded with “so you took shelter in her kitty cat?”
“It’s your fault for not checking my location”
“Her friend is a witch they put a love spell on me”
My ex said he was messaging the hook up ads on Craigslist because he wanted to see if they were robots. Lmao
mine told me it didn’t count because he couldn’t finish because he was thinking of me the whole time
“You were crying and that made me upset so I wanted to feel better”
“You were on your period”
“I was upset and needed someone and you weren’t there” I WAS AT A FAMILY MEMEBERS FUNERAL!
“If you think about it I did it for us, that way I don’t get bored of you and we can stay together for many years”
“Bro, I was gonna break up with you a few days ago and I forgot”
“you did everything for me… I think you’re my soul mate. but you were more like a maid and cook”
“You treated me too good and it made me feel bad about myself”
He said he wanted to cheat on me before I cheated on him… I’ve still to this day never cheated on anyone before
“I have split personality. That was my other personality Derek”
“I forgot you said she was off limits” we were in an open relationship and my only full stop was my sister and bestfriend.
“You were too good for me so I cheated to feel better.”
“I have rib cancer and I only have 2-3 years left to live” He told his ex 6 months ago yesr before that. it’s been 5 years and unfortunately he’s still alive and well and has 6+ kids with 5+ women
“You changed” after I almost died having his kid
Mine was “you were just too sad because so and so died” IT HAD BEEN 6 HOURS SINCE THEY DIED I DIDNT even tell him at that point
Because the produce went bad in the fridge (that wasn’t cooling)
i didnt want to reject her….her feelings would get hurt….
My ex said “I was deployed, I thought it was okay” like no????
“I didn’t know my dad until I was 8”
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His grandma was dying
“Because you love Garrus Vakarian and Astarion more than me” my ex husband’s excuse. THEY ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
You’re guy’s exes came up with excuses?! my ex-husband just said “Well I knew you’d be mad, but I didn’t think I’d be this mad.”
Not me but my moms ex husband cheated on her because of “finances” TWICE
“I just wanted to know if our relationship was strong enough to get over it.”
The “you were pregnant & I was stressed about it”
“We have different music taste”
mine said he thought it was normal because that’s what he grew up seeing. i told him even young children know it’s wrong to cheat (at games in my example, but point stands)
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My ex told me that his mom said me and the girl he cheated on me with look alike so he didn’t think it would count
A friends boyfriend told her “well you’re always busy with classes” HE HAD MORE CLASSES THAN HER
“Well I was mad at you” we LIVED together and were ENGAGED
when I found out my ex was still meeting women on dating apps at 9 months into our relationship, he swore it was for “business networking”
“But I was thinking about you while I did it”
“You were asleep and I needed someone”
“The intimacy has gone”. I was grieving my father
Mine told our therapist during our 1st (& last appointment) he cheated on my behalf… apparently he dnt knw exactly what tht phrase meant but was trying to seem intelligent
“You forgave your ex so I assumed you’d forgive me too” like what?!
Lol I got “she is softer than you” I didn’t know I was made out of granite
mine said ive been with you since I was 17…i wanted to try something new. 27 years later
My ex said that he had to do it, bc if he didn’t he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Cool. We were engaged, together for 9 years.
Mine said ‘you didn’t tell me explicitly not to’
“Your anxiety is just too much” and “I told you if you kept questioning me…”
Relationship went long distance (internationally) but called twice a day: “We didn’t see each other for five months now.” When he told me of his “new” relationship of exactly five months
“She looked like your bitmoji” HELLO
“I never told you about it bc you never told me you had an eating disorder” two decades later and I still replay that line in my head randomly ….
I once got from my ex ‘I just feel like there’s an evil spirit in the house the possessed me’
Mine said he did it to protect me because she was crazy
cheated on me for 5 months. found out a month ago his reasoning was “it’s the pc’s fault”
“Because I can” that was my ex’s response.
”i had a bad dream about my dad and felt stressed”…
“I forgot we were dating” 5 days after our two year anniversary
I didn’t take the relationship seriously (we’ve been together for 5 years at that point)
His excuse was that he wasn’t ready to get married. Bro you proposed to ME
I caught him talking to his ex when I was pregnant and he said because I was too hormonal and didn’t give him much attention mind u I had PPD I had just had our other son 5 months prior
He wanted to make sure he really loved me (we had been together for 3 years and living together)
“She just moved here and I showed her the city”. and “I never cheated on you”
“but her mom doesn’t like her” bro what
“You play to much hay day, not giving me attention”
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