Human beings are social animals. Most of us crave acceptance, connection, love, and respect. An 85-year Harvardstudy foundthat our positive relationships empower us, make us resilient, and actually lead to healthier, happier, and longer lives. But social isolation is horrible for our physical andmental health. When somebody is ostracized from their social circle or society, it takes a toll and can even put them on a warpath in life.
Bored Pandagot in touch with the author of the candid discussion, Isaiah Taylor, akau/WANACWaac, and he shared his perspective on outcasts, tolerance, and people judging one another. Read on for our full interview with him.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
According to Psychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D.,acceptingother people doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with them or approve of them. However, as he explains, “you can simply let people be” and accept that they exist as they are, not as you’d like them to be.
“You may not like it, you may not prefer it, you may feel sad or angry about it, but at a deeper level, you are at peace with it. That alone is a blessing. And sometimes, your shift to acceptance can help things get better,” Hanson explains.
One kid at my old school was relentlessly bullied for being gay. One day she had enough, went up to her main bully during lunch one day and beat the ever living sh*te out of him (for context she was a very short and skinny girl while he was the typical jock). No one ever bothered her again after that and she was forever known as the ‘Nut-Smasher’. I actually ran into her a while back while visiting family in my home town and we chatted for a bit. Turns out she is married and adopted a kid with her wife and all around looked a lot happier than she was in school.
People are often paradoxical. On the one hand, they’re often warm, kind, friendly, and welcoming. On the other hand, they’re extremely quick tojudge othersbased on initial impressions. Not only that, but they might push someone away because they’re slightly different than them.Ostracism can happen due to a variety of reasons. Broadly speaking, people tend to judge others when there’s a mismatch in values, behavior, status, or even appearance. Someone who was born out of wedlock or lives in a poorer household might be pushed away in their community, which can breed resentment, frustration, and anger over the long term.
People are often paradoxical. On the one hand, they’re often warm, kind, friendly, and welcoming. On the other hand, they’re extremely quick tojudge othersbased on initial impressions. Not only that, but they might push someone away because they’re slightly different than them.
Ostracism can happen due to a variety of reasons. Broadly speaking, people tend to judge others when there’s a mismatch in values, behavior, status, or even appearance. Someone who was born out of wedlock or lives in a poorer household might be pushed away in their community, which can breed resentment, frustration, and anger over the long term.
This one actually happened to me with help from Reddit! I went to an extremely conservative (i.e. culty) Christian school from pre-k to 8th grade. When I told my class I thought it was wrong to pray for the death of gay people and that I stood up for gay rights, the entire school turned against me. My friends made up lies about me being a lesbian trying to assault them, and the teachers believed it, threatening me physically. It was terrifying, but I pushed through my last year there holding my values.Anyways, a year later, at a new secular school, I wrote up a summary of what happened, sharing it with my family and friends on Facebook. A friend of mine saw it and posted the story to r/atheism and all hell (lol) broke loose. Despite censoring names, the subreddit found out the name of the school and started a campaign to shame them for their actions. There were so many calls to their administration they had to change their number.All the bad press made virtually every family pull their kids out of the school. A year later, the school shut down due to lack of students. No other kid would get hurt. Thanks, Reddit ❤️.
The CDC reportsthat more than 1 in 3 American adults who are aged 45 and over feel lonely. People more at risk of social isolation tend to have lower income and physical or mental health problems. They also often live alone, have disabilities, and have been the victims of abuse. The emotional toll is immense. But in financial terms, loneliness costs the US economy around $406 billion per year, while social isolation costs it another $6.7 billion annually.
A kid who was relentlessly bullied at my school for years sued the district and got an upper 6 figure settlement.I mean, that’s the short version of how it went down.He had years of documentation of going to the principal, teachers, counselors, even the super intendant. They all either did nothing or made empty promises that they didn’t keep. He had documentation for it all.The highlight was when the lacrosse team jammed a lacrosse stick up his butt not once, but twice and the only consequence was one of the kids being suspended for 2 days.I should also add that this isn’t a rural school in the deep south. It’s a suburban school located in a liberal part of New York.
I’m friends with this kid who during senior year took some dynamite he had managed to obtain and blew up some local rich families vehicles. The kid did this all because the families had his home forcibly foreclosed on to build a country club. This kids family had lived on that land since the 1820s and those rich a**s fd em over. Dude did get some minor legal troubles but last I heard he was a demolition expert in the army.
“I have experienced feelings of loneliness and moments in which I’m alone, and there is a definite difference between the two,” Isaiah, who created the viral thread, opened up to Bored Panda.“For example, have you wanted to be within proximity of a company while maintaining your choice of personal space? My answer to that question would be yes, a hundred times yes! And that, to me at least, is the difference between being alone and being lonely. A person who is lonely is too alone, yet they are on a spiritual, mental, and physical spectrum.We asked Isaiah for his perspective as to why so many of us are so quick to judge each other. “The reason people are so quick to judge the next person’s difference is usually due to a seemingly endless search to find the difference within self or they have recognized the difference within themselves and have not learned to appreciate it,” he shared his point of view.
“I have experienced feelings of loneliness and moments in which I’m alone, and there is a definite difference between the two,” Isaiah, who created the viral thread, opened up to Bored Panda.
“For example, have you wanted to be within proximity of a company while maintaining your choice of personal space? My answer to that question would be yes, a hundred times yes! And that, to me at least, is the difference between being alone and being lonely. A person who is lonely is too alone, yet they are on a spiritual, mental, and physical spectrum.
We asked Isaiah for his perspective as to why so many of us are so quick to judge each other. “The reason people are so quick to judge the next person’s difference is usually due to a seemingly endless search to find the difference within self or they have recognized the difference within themselves and have not learned to appreciate it,” he shared his point of view.
“We are all books whose stories cannot and should not be plagiarized! Our differences are all various shades of various colors splattered across this blank canvas we call EXISTENCE, and those differences are what make us unique masterpieces to be admired in the gallery of LIFE.”In the meantime, the author of the viral thread shared his thoughts on how everyone can become more tolerant and understanding. “The only way I see us becoming more tolerant of one another would be to show more concern toward our fellow human and to show more compassion for our fellow human,” he told Bored Panda.“We are all trying—some harder than others—but nevertheless, we are all trying. Whether it is trying to fit in, trying to stand out, trying to be the best version of ourselves, or maybe just trying to be better than we were a second, minute, hour, day, week, month, or year ago…WE ARE ALL TRYING!”
“We are all books whose stories cannot and should not be plagiarized! Our differences are all various shades of various colors splattered across this blank canvas we call EXISTENCE, and those differences are what make us unique masterpieces to be admired in the gallery of LIFE.”
In the meantime, the author of the viral thread shared his thoughts on how everyone can become more tolerant and understanding. “The only way I see us becoming more tolerant of one another would be to show more concern toward our fellow human and to show more compassion for our fellow human,” he told Bored Panda.
“We are all trying—some harder than others—but nevertheless, we are all trying. Whether it is trying to fit in, trying to stand out, trying to be the best version of ourselves, or maybe just trying to be better than we were a second, minute, hour, day, week, month, or year ago…WE ARE ALL TRYING!”
A pastor I lived next to constantly berated a kid in my class about everything from his hair length to him not fully embracing the “word of the lord”.The kid routinely went into the pastors backyard and would st in his pool along with several of his friends all at once. They would also throw dead animals they found in there as well ranging from a squirrel to a opossum.Honestly, don’t even blame the kid. That pastor was judgmental as fk and no one liked him.
In college my ex tried to turn everyone against me and claimed I was abusive and manipulative and some terrible s**t. She forgot I had access to her test cheat sheet and message logs where she said some stuff that her family was very sensitive to.She got me in trouble with the school from her lies so I gave the school a copy of the cheat sheet and got her expelled and blacklisted from almost every college she could have gone to and released the messages to her family which stopped supporting her.She coulda just broke up with me and not lied.
I knew a kid in high school who had all the makings of a school shooter. His main interest was martial arts and weapons and he drew a comic for the school newspaper that showed a character that was basically him going on a murder spree through the school. This was right before Columbine, so people didn’t see this as a red flag. He also wrote a novel about a character who is basically him going on a rape/murder spree. Even though he wasn’t interested, my friend group and I forcibly befriended him and made him hang out with us. My best friend was basically a mother hen and would quickly and firmly correct his antisocial habits when they popped up and explain why they were bad. We also gave him a ton of positive reinforcement for anything non-sociopathic he did.
Couple of my collegemates used to haze me and bully me. We had to go to a mutual friends' wedding, and we rented a car and drove there. On the way back, we took a bit of a detour and went through a more scenic route, I left them in the middle of the road near nowhere when they went out to pee, they didn’t have their phones with them either.
A guy I went to highschool with burned the bridge with his entire family.We werent best friends, more of a friend of a friend type of situation, so my info is a lot of hearsay. But I do know some things for certain. He was the middle child, with an older sister and a younger brother. His parents had owned a diner and it had been in his family for a few generations. It was an unspoken rule that the kids of each generation would help out when they were little, and eventually take it over to keep it in the family. The problem was none of them wanted anything to do with it. It was the easiest way to set him off, even mentioning it would have him go from 0-100 real quick. This didnt stop either of his parents though, they would “joke” about how the kids didnt need to worry about college, or moving away, all of that would be “taken care of” when they would run the diner. The sister being the oldest, was the first really pressured into it, but he and his brother told her to get out and dont look back, and dont let them guilt trip you. So she did, and goes to college on a sports scholarship and then moves a few states away. She occasionally visits but more or less left the town in her rearview mirror. Then it was his turn, but unfortunately he didnt have the money to get away, so his parents tell him to go to community college and work at the diner to save money. This is where the issues started. The younger brother doesnt go to college, and decides to go couch surfing and backpacking across the country for a few years. Occasionally coming back to work for a few weeks when he needed the money, only to take off again. So my friend gets left running the place, despite swearing he never would. Id see him around sometimes at bars, and he was a bitter shell of his former self with a bad drinking problem and a series of failed relationships. His parents didnt seem to care that their son was a depressed alcoholic, so long as their family legacy stayed the same. He confided in me how they were pushing him to get married and give them grandkids, to settle down and let go of this silly dream of starting over when he has the diner. Which, given how shitfaced he was in nearly every interaction I had with him, its impressive he was able to run it. His sister and brother couldn’t be bothered to come down and help, and in fact they started to agree with the parents that he should just cut his losses and make this life work for him.One day, he drops off the face of the earth. Nobody sees or hears from him for 3 weeks. His parents say he went on a vacation, and they also hadn’t heard from him. Then suddenly he’s back in town, seemingly in much better spirits, looking healthier than we had seen him in years. About two months, later the diner is torn down and replaced with some other business.As it turns out, his girlfriend at the time gave him an ultimatum. Quit the drinking and go to therapy or we’re done. So he does, and the therapist points out the obvious things linking his depression and says he should take a vacation and figure out what else he wants to do with his life. He went to vegas, partied for 2 weeks and admittedly thought about killing himself. After getting it out of his system, he devises a plan to sell the diner and pocket the money for himself. Everything was in his name as the owner anyway, so it was pretty easy. He took the best offer he could, and used that money to leave town. The brother and sister didn’t get a dime, and the parents were already retired. He moved to the other side of the country with his now wife, and we follow each other on social media but he seems much happier. Apparently he hasn’t spoken a word to his family in years, nor they to him, and does not intend to start.
My family was very abusive when I was a kid and so was my church. It was unsafe to be home at one point so I called my aunt to (awkwardly) ask for help. She laughed at me and I ended up homeless, staying at a hostel and on the floors of people’s dorm rooms (not randoms, friends of friends to be clear). After a couple weeks, a friend’s mom offered to let me stay in her basement if I promised to get a job. So I did. I got a job the first morning I was there, I walked into town and got hired as a cashier. My aunt & other family members acted scandalized because my friend’s mom was divorced and the idea of working in retail is shameful to them. Retail is uncouth or something I guess.My aunt is a super-Catholic, doesn’t work, and has a lot of kids, she used to write a 3-page letter about their ‘accomplishments’ every Xmas and mail it to everyone. I was really, really mad at them. These are people who soaked up free childcare and eldercare from me for years, they would not help me at all. Not a suggestion for a job, not a couch to sleep on, no advice, wouldn’t meet me for coffee in a public place to talk for 15 minutes. They laughed at me and I was young and very vulnerable.So the retail job I found was at Staples. I wrote a 3-page letter about their defects and ‘thanked’ them for not helping, printed it using my discount, then mailed that to everyone I could think of who knew them. Including, like, their random neighbors. Their house # was 50, so I sent it to like #46, #52, whatever on their same street or next street over. Just to be an ae.They don’t talk to me anymore. I hope they don’t mail that awful fg braggy newsletter out anymore, either. No one cares about your kids except you, people. Especially if you’re a family of insufferable snots.
One of my friends from elementary school, he’s the typical middle child, his brother is 11 years older and his sister is 5 years younger. So of course he faces all the actual consequences for his other siblings actions. Rules he didn’t like were because of stuff his brother did when his brother was a kid; if his sister did something stupid, it was his fault because he should’ve stopped her.His wants and needs were never the priority. If he wanted money, no because it went to his brother in college; if he wanted friends to come over, no because sister already had people coming over. He had to wear his brothers old clothes, but of course his sister got new clothes. Yadda yadda you get the picture.When he was 16 he went out on a late night food run, and while waiting in the drive thru someone rear ends him pretty hard. Does a not insignificant amount of damage to his parents car. The other driver takes full responsibility, offers to pay for the repairs. Just an unfortunate accident.Well his parents revoke his car privileges. Because he got in an accident, and they had a no accidents policy - didn’t matter than it wasn’t his fault.So he told them that if they took away his car privileges he will never lend them anything for the rest of his life. They grounded him for saying that.That was about a decade ago, and he has never once given them anything. No money, no car, not even housing - he literally made his parents get a hotel once.He said he would forgive them if they apologized. To my knowledge they have not apologized.By the way his sister was involved in an accident a few years back where she was at fault. And her parents not only paid for the repairs to her car, but also are helping her pay for her car insurance now.
This girl was bullied fiercely and wasn’t allowed to bring a backpack to school (having swung hers to fight off her bullies). So she had to carry a canvas shopping bag with her books, which hypocritically allowed her to swing her heavy books easier.She used that book bag like a morning star to attack her bullies during middle school, breaking one boy’s arm. She didn’t even get a detention because she had been the target of so much harassment.She was suspected of attacking another bully after graduation. His attacker had used a tube sock with a rock in it, swinging it like a morning star, but there was insufficient evidence to even go forward with an arrest.
For 53 years, my father gas lit me and always made me feel like one day he would be a real father.Well, he’s in his 80s and has Parkinson’s and is married to a terrible woman and I no longer help him or my stepmother in their old age because they are such terrible people.Now, they have to find other people to give them rides, to lift things, to listen to doctors, etc.Oh, I also informed my stepmother that the day my father dies and while she is picking out a casket, I will march into the IRS to report her for committing tax fraud with my father. There is no statute of limitations and I want her to sweat every time she hears him cough, sneeze, or moan.F*** them.
Long story made very short: Sy, awful professors who spent more time bullying and humiliating their students than they spent actually teaching. Mocking and belittling were the classroom norm, and many students (myself included) suffered psychologically from it.I got a job at the university’s HR department where I did a ton of research that completely fd them all over when it came time to renegotiate their union contract. Their pay and benefits were horrendously slashed, and they knew exactly who was responsible for it.
Marvin Heemeyer: He moved to a rural village with like 500 residents. The municipal council proceeded to bully him because one of its members was also preying on the property Heemeyer had acquired. They sued and bullied him for years. In the end, he, a welder, built a custom bulldozer/TANK and literally went to town with it. Destroying the houses of his bullies. The nearest army station was 6 hours away.SPOILER: >!all of the bullies declare that they are innocent, but the second Heemeyer gets in the bulldozer, they call each other and know exactly what houses he’s going to be targetting…!<.
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When you look into the past of Aileen Wuornos, you understand why she became the first known woman serial killer to many. It definitely makes you consider the nurture part over nature in her case.
My friend at work had a rough childhood. Nevertheless he was always cool to me. He’d cover my shifts and sit with me at dinner break. Anyway, he stabbed his grandpa to death and burned down his house. It was so sudden.
A kid I went to high school with pled guilty to attempted arson of his foster parents home in a desperate attempt to escape the household. I knew his brother well, he was the drummer in the band I was in and we always practiced at his house, and it always worried me that they had way too many foster kids, almost like a potentially malicious intent was there. Nothing followed after he got out of Juvie, he’s married now and works really hard but is having a much better time of life.
Became deaf when I was a child, learned sign language but family was adamant not to learn, they said its my problem not theirs so I have to be the one to learn how to communicate. Learned as an adult that I was a native american and mothers white LDS family decided never to tell me. Met my father on Facebook about 10 years ago, that family is the opposite on every point. Yeah, villages can be good when the people in them reciprocate, are honest, and not afraid of learning. That kind of village is the one you want to join.I’ve learned that generational ideals and biases should not be taught, they need to be recognized and owned as a part of who you are. I wanted a big family when I was a kid but as an adult with 2 kids, I love them but absolutely no more damage. No more kids, and my current ones have full disclosure and decision-making in this house.
My father is a narcissist with schizoaffective disorder. He abused me until I was 22 and cut contact. I’m 31 now. My Grandmother (his mother) tried to guilt me the other day into speaking to him because he got worms (I doubt this is real, he has paranoid delusions) and was oh so sick.If the worms are real, I’m rooting for the worms. F**k him.
30 years of emotional and physical abuse from my mother and I finally went no contact shocked pikachu face.
I met this kid while in Jr. High. Knew him his first year in high school. Back in 78/79.Remember the movie “Carrie?” He had that for a mother. He was super religious and had to pray multiple times a day. Carried a large Bible with his school books. Wore old-fashioned formal clothes, 1950s style haircut, and horned rim glasses.His mother punished him because she saw us talking when he got off the school bus. I guess I didn’t pass the “friend standard.“He was so unsocialized and awkward. He was grateful to speak with anyone. And I didn’t make fun of him.I guess it got to be too much. He didn’t come back to school for the Sophomore year. I later learned that while his mother was sleeping, he doused her with gasoline and set her and the bed on fire.She lived. And they just disappeared. I never heard of him again.
I have a pretty jerky set of parents and a jerk brother. Still, well over 40, he still makes fun of me like we are in grade school and when I tell him that it isn’t funny, he calls me a “f*g f$’” and a “woman”. Needless to say, I don’t really like him that much. He is just a real jerk. He’s first born and my parents have always always always favored him. Hell, my dad doesn’t even know my birthday. Anyways, they live across the country. The “family” has a summer home, but I haven’t used it in more than 25 years- however it was my grandfathers and it allowed me and my family to buy our first house without having to buy mortgage insurance bc of the equity. I have (well, had) a third of the house and this year was the last straw. My snake of a brother convinced my parents to just give him their shares of the house and then they cut me out. Now I’m going to sue and force a public auction bc he forged my signature. Dkheads..
Quite a literal version.Had a kid come to my 9th grade classroom with 4 felony arson counts.We knew before he got there that he had four felonies just not in what and his other three teachers and the principal called an emergency meeting where they didn’t want him in their rooms at all. Principal wanted us to either give up our planning or teach him after regular hours.I Adamantly told them to get f****d that I wouldn’t give my planning up for God himself and least restrictive environment said he was in the classroom. Tbf, I already had a room full of gang members so what was another kid with felonies?Turns out this kid has never met his dad and his mom worked 3-4 jobs. Only got to see her like maaaaybe once a week. He was breaking into homes for food and then burning them down for attention. It was really just a cry for help.I liked the kid and he had me first period. Would come in high as a f***g kite and is give him cherry coke and bagels to eat. Never skipped my class. Never misbehaved after the first week with me.Everyone hated on him and he lashed out accordingly. Started reading a porn mag and drinking a fifth of vodka in math class, etc.Ended up getting expelled despite my intervention.Few months later he was arrested and charged as an adult after a string of breaking and entering with arson and robbery.He got some girlfriend who convinced him to rob places to steal her st which ofc he did bc no one else was acting like they loved him and ofc he went back to setting fires. Torched at least half a dozen homes.
When working at a daycare, I had a pair of boys in my class, Matt and John(fake names, of course). Full offense, John was trash. He was violent, sy, foul-mouthed, uncooperative, and frankly, just not cut out for daycare. Kid was a budding psychopath. He never acted like this around anyone but me. He was a huge favorite among the staff that didn’t work with him so much so that they thought I lied about or exaggerated his behavior until the day he stabbed me.Now the other one. My burn the village boy. God… he was the one everyone said was misbehaved, but like John, his behavior with me was completely different. I treated Matt the way I treated all my kids. I found him to be cheerful, helpful with younger kids, bright and eager to learn new things. I considered the fact that I was the first teacher to engage with Matt in a positive way and also the first to ever tell John “no” and enforce rules with him.Shortly after I stopped working there, I heard from a former coworker that there had been an incident. Apparently, everything went back to the status quo where everyone spoils John and acts like he’s perfect while treating Matt like he had already done something. There was a massive blowup between him and John in particular, and from I heard, Matt basically hulked out and trashed the place.My heart broke for him. He just wanted attention and structure and absolutely thrived with it. John needed discipline and structure of a different kind but instead was coddled and enabled. The results were inevitable. I’m just sad it resulted in Matt getting kicked out. I hope he landed at a new school with teachers who actually cared about him. That entire center was a mess of bt like that. (Favoritism, abuse, s**y staff behavior/attitudes, etc).
My sister is the golden child whilst I was the scapegoat.Long story short - I got the emotional and physical abuse whilst my sister could get away with blue murder.Now I’ve cut my narcmum off permanently.
My godparents had trouble having children on their own, so they adopted. During his early teen years, godparents got pregnant naturally. Mom thought the kid was a miracle, dad thought the kid wasn’t his (it was). The fighting led to cheating, the cheating led to a divorce, all the while, teen adopted kid struggles with getting any attention positive or negative.He starts stealing. Then he starts fires. Last I heard he was in prison. Mom was too busy raising the natural born son who had mental issues as she was well over 40 when she gave birth, and dad chose a 20-something over his family and completely bailed on all of them. No wonder he turned out the way he did.
I’m from a small, rich, farming town and I was on the poor side with no reputable name. I was one of the best basketball players to come out of that town. I was not treated fairly or well in the school and I eventually acted up to the point where they wouldn’t allow me to play on the school team. Rather than a coach recognizing skill and helping mold it like a Disney movie, I was black listed. I spent the rest of my 15 years in that town destroying everybody that tried to take claim as ‘good’ in basketball. It got back to the coach and he eventually banned his players from playing me in the park. He also avoided any and all challenges I threw at him in regards to playing me.
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