Realizing that actions have consequences is never an easy lesson to learn. Fortunately, most of us figure this out at a formative age, allowing us to prevent a lifetime’s worth of mistakes that we might have otherwise made. But one father didn’t seem to realize this until he had already blown up hismarriage, tarnished his relationships with his daughters and found himself living as a singleparentfull of regrets.
Below, you’ll find a saga that this fathersharedon Reddit, detailing all of the choices and experiences that got him to this point, as well as a conversation with marriage mentor and relationship coachKatariina Räike.
This father was happily married until he decided to have an affair with his receptionist
Image credits:mstandret / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Now, he’s seeking advice as his personal life spirals out of control
Image credits:RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:gpointstudio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Later, the dad shared an update and asked for suggestions on repairing his relationships with his daughters
Image credits:Meruyert Gonullu / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
He then came back with another update, revealing that he and his girlfriend had broken up
Image credits:Pressmaster / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Anonymous
“It is common for all people to wonder at some point what it would be like to be with someone else”
Image credits:Vera Arsic / pexels (not the actual photo)
To gain more insight on this situation, we reached out to marriage mentor and relationship coachKatariina Räike, who was kind enough to have a chat withBored Panda. First, we asked the expert if it’s common for people to become curious about dating when they’ve been in arelationshipfor as long as this couple has.
“It is common for all people to wonder at some point what it would be like to be with someone else, not only for people who got together at a young age,” Katariina noted. “It is nothing alarming, and it is part of our biology to do that.”
However, entertaining those thoughts will only cause emotional uneasiness, Katariina says. “’Where focus goes energy glows’ is a very accurate saying and true. If there is more focus towards someone other than your partner, it will cause emotional disconnection sooner or later,” she explained.
“When it comes to entertaining thoughts of being with someone other that your partner, or going for a lunch with a colleague you’ve thought of a lot lately, or messaging someone a bit too often or a bit too intimately behind your partner’s back, it’s all different variations of the same phenomenon,” the expert added. “If you wouldn’t like your partner to know about it, it’s most likely something you shouldn’t do. Someone smart said, ‘If you don’t want to slip, stay out of slippery places.’ You know what your slippery place is. Don’t go there.”
“If he does the work and truly takes responsibility, it is possible to rebuild the relationship over time”
Image credits:cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
We were also curious if the marriage expert believes this father might be able to repair his relationships with hisdaughters. “He is right with giving his daughters some time for now, but he should not stop trying to show them he cares and expressing he wants to see them, even if they would not agree to see him right now,” Katariina told Bored Panda.
“He says he is taking responsibility for what he did, and it is right for his daughters to blame him. However, he doesn’t say anything about the way he is taking responsibility,” she added. “Are these just words? Is he doing the inner work to understand why he did what he did? Is he doing something to grow, so that he can show his daughters what he has learned from the past?”
“He needs to show them how he can guide them and support them in the future and be the father he wants to be,” Katariina says. “He needs to earn their trust. If he does the work and truly takes responsibility, it is possible to rebuild the relationship over time.”
“What kind of role model does he want to be for his daughters and son? He needs to do things that make him feel less awful about himself,” the marriage mentor shared. “Find a better job, or get into training to get a better job later. Learn to speak the truth and do the right thing. Not because someone might be watching, but because it feels good to do that.”
“Do some sports, it’s very important for the male hormones and his overall well-being,” Katariina suggests. “Read some books and/or work with a coach to get new thoughts, old thoughts keep us in the old place. His old place is not very inspiring, and if nothing changes, nothing changes.”
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