This time we selected the wildest stories fromthis Quora thread.To understand why some people think it’s okay to make these kinds of requests, we reached out toWolfer & Cowedding planning experts.People shared the most outrageous demands they’ve seen for weddings, birthdays and bridal showers. Let us know which ones surprised you the most. And don’t forget to share if you ever received a party demand that made you roll your eyes. Or even worse!
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- I’m married.A male friend of ours is getting married and had asked my husband to be in the wedding party. He said yes. We had met his fiancée, Rachel, a handful of times but never got to know her on a personal level. Because of that, Rachel had suggested a get-together at her house prior to the wedding so that all the people who would be in the wedding could get to know one another. Makes sense.A week later I got an invitation in the mail for the party, as well as a note stating:“You are responsible for bringing 10 bottles of soda (must be name brand), home-made brownies for 25 people, 5 bags of chips (must be name brand). Each person can bring food to put on the grill but limited to a hamburger for each, or two hotdogs each, with a small piece of chicken. The rolls for these items have been assigned to “Luanne”, as well as all condiments (must be name brand).”My eyes! I had to read it ten times to believe it was real! Bring our own food to fit on the grill? As well as other food?My phone rang off the hook. Everyone was comparing their “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS” list. She assigned one person to bring garbage bags and they were the clean-up crew. Another person was assigned decorations and linens.I, along with several others, called Rachel to decline. Her response: “Okay. But you are still responsible for your list, so please drop those items off to my house ASAP”.I told her that she is off her rocker.Long story short, the party didn’t happen. The wedding was postponed for over a year. It did finally happen. They divorced two years later.
Weddings are probably the first occasions that come to mind when we think of unreasonable demands. Some newlyweds-to-be think thatgetting married equals special treatment. Bored Panda reached out to wedding planning experts at Wolfer & Co to chat about entitled brides and their sometimes unreasonable requests.“We do feel it’s always important to consider the comfort and convenience of your guests when planning a wedding,” Wolfer & Co’s Jamie Wolf says. “Unreasonable demands or omissions can create unnecessary stress and confusion for everyone involved – the couple, guests and vendors alike!”
Weddings are probably the first occasions that come to mind when we think of unreasonable demands. Some newlyweds-to-be think thatgetting married equals special treatment. Bored Panda reached out to wedding planning experts at Wolfer & Co to chat about entitled brides and their sometimes unreasonable requests.
“We do feel it’s always important to consider the comfort and convenience of your guests when planning a wedding,” Wolfer & Co’s Jamie Wolf says. “Unreasonable demands or omissions can create unnecessary stress and confusion for everyone involved – the couple, guests and vendors alike!”
It’s easy to make fun of demanding brides-to-be and assume they’re just insufferable people in their daily life. In reality, it’s the culmination of stress and pressure. Jamie agrees: “The transformation into a ‘bridezilla’ is rarely about ‘bad people doing bad things’. It’s more like a perfect storm of stress, expectations, and emotions.”“First off, wedding planning can bring out a different element in a lot of people,” the wedding planner argues. She invites us to be more understanding towards people going through wedding planning. “It’s a high-stress situation that you and your partner may not have dealt with before. Suddenly, you’re not just you, you’re a bride, and that can feel like a whole new identity.”
It’s easy to make fun of demanding brides-to-be and assume they’re just insufferable people in their daily life. In reality, it’s the culmination of stress and pressure. Jamie agrees: “The transformation into a ‘bridezilla’ is rarely about ‘bad people doing bad things’. It’s more like a perfect storm of stress, expectations, and emotions.”
“First off, wedding planning can bring out a different element in a lot of people,” the wedding planner argues. She invites us to be more understanding towards people going through wedding planning. “It’s a high-stress situation that you and your partner may not have dealt with before. Suddenly, you’re not just you, you’re a bride, and that can feel like a whole new identity.”
I have gotten some pretty unreasonable requests from invitations to weddings. The two that were the most demanding, in my opinion, were the two that expected their guests to fly to foreign countries to attend their weddings.It’s wonderful when two people want to get married on a beach in Jamaica. However, to expect your guests to take time off of work, buy a plane ticket, incur the cost of lodging, and buy the clothes of their theme is absolutely ridiculous. This couple was enraged that they had only two guests at their wedding!A wedding is for the couple getting married. Guests are invited to share in their experience. When a couple puts a burden on their guests to attend their wedding, it’s no longer for the couple, it’s about the couple. I don’t mind theme weddings where a costume needs to be purchased or even a strange, outlandish bridal registry. Having to lay out five thousand dollars to attend is a bit overboard for me. But, that’s just my opinion.
My best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid roughly one year before her wedding, which I agreed to do. I must point out that I am Italian and so is my friend and in Italy you don’t have bridesmaids but a “witness” for the bride and one for the groom.In the year leading to her wedding, my husband left me and my 6 year old son (plus two dogs!) to go back to the uk (he is English) to find a job, which he did immediately. Previously we struggled for a good year relying on family for helps. Once he settled, I decided to join him with my son and dogs. The moving date was April 21 and her wedding was on May 1st. I must point out that I was completely broke at that time as a move to another country costs a lot of money, I was working part time and my husband spent almost a trying saving up for a home in England.A few weeks before the big day I ask her what gift she wanted and she said: “well, it is tradition here that the witness of the bride and the witness of the groom buy the wedding rings”. (I later found out that this is not tradition at all!)So I asked what she wanted me to do next and she said:” you will need to come to the jewellery shop so we can choose our rings and you pay for mine, while the other witness will pay for the other”Remember I was broke but I was willing to fly back a few days after the move to attend the wedding and make her happy.When I asked her how much the budget was she said she wasn’t sure, but around 350 Euros., maybe more.I said I could not afford it and she said “ok no problem but you can’t be my witness anymore as it’s tradition! Another friend of mine agreed to buy me the ring and she will be my witness. But you can still come to the wedding”.Needless to say I didn’t attend the wedding and haven’t spoken to her over the past 5 years. We grew up together and, I thought, we were best friends, she treated me and made me feel so small and insignificant.They divorced less than two years later.
The bride included a list of acceptable guest attire. She wanted all women to wear sleeveless maxi dresses. I explained to her that I don’t do sleeveless as I broke my elbow as a child and I am overly sensitive to its mild deformity. I also explained at just a hair under 5′0 a maxi dress looks horrible on me. I was told “I don’t care - this is a beach wedding, you will be in the sun and it will be hot.”. I further explained due to previous sun poisoning I can’t wear sleeveless as I need to keep my shoulders out of direct sunlight. She was so insulted I was uninvited to the wedding. Win for me - loss for her as I unfriended her and heard most women wore what they wanted and she was livid that they deviated from her instructions.
“Then there’s the drama,” Jamie goes on. The environment other people create rarely helps either. “It’s not just the bride being dramatic, it’s everyone around you,” she says. “Your mom’s arguing about centerpieces, your bridesmaids are acting bonkers, and your fiancé has decided to become an ostrich and stick their head in the sand. It’s like a ripple effect of drama that makes you start to question your sanity.”
This answer is really going to date me, but so be it. I received an invitation in which the bride and groom asked for money only. They wanted to take s 3 month tour overseas and wanted the guests to pay for it. It was suggested that you give $100 per person if a friend, $250 per person if a bridal party member and $500 if you were family. I was told they expected it whether you attended or not. I just thought it was rudely presented as a demand not a request. They expected us to give them $500 because our 3 children were invited. I haven’t even had a tour of Europe!
I was the one making the request, but it wasn’t on the invitation.Having attended many weddings and other events from my wife’s family, I knew there would be certain family members that would show up to ours in just T shirts and jeans. Not acceptable.So in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I went to have tea with the aunts and cousins from her fily that loved to gossip and spread a rumor that some of my friends from the army that had been in special forces were going to stand at the entrance with paintball guns and shoot anyone who showed up in t-shirts and jeans.Not surprising, not one showed up in casual clothes and a few people who I had expected to kept asking me where the special forces guys were.
In some cases, other people feel entitled to have an opinion about your special day. Jamie says family members and sometimes even guests have certain expectations. “Everyone in your life has a vision of what your wedding day should look like, and they’re not shy about sharing it,” she adds.
So I got invited to a birthday party of a woman, a friend at that time.The venue was a 5-star restaurant.I was humbled and loved her for the invite.A few days before the party, she called and insisted on me bringing everyone, including my children and husband to the party.I was hesitant.If I were having a party at such an expensive place, I would not invite spouses and families.I refused.She insisted, and I had to give in.I bought an expensive gift for her, just to appreciate her gesture and efforts.It was a cold November night, an extreme cold weather alert in place I remember.We arrived on time.The servers were running left right and center, keeping up to our demands. The food was good.I tried to limit ordering, assuming it would be a burden on her.She kept assuring me, “It’s okay-order what number 1 wants” etc.As the party came to an end, a server showed up with a leather folder and extended it to me.I looked at my husband, he gestured to me to open it.Inside was the bill of our food.A few hundred bucks.I looked at my husband again.He knew the look on my face.He quietly motioned me to pay it.Did I have a choice?Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you ‘invite’ people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!
I was chosen as a bridesmaid for one of my friends. However, the bridesmaid dress that she chose was way too expensive (I was a student in University and money was tight). In addition to that, I had to pay for the package of skin and hair treatment prior the wedding day at the spa that she chose. And on the wedding day itself, I also had to pay for the hairstylist and the make-up person that she ‘provided’ for us bridesmaids. Those things are seriously expensive! And she didn’t allow us to do the hair and makeup ourselves as she was afraid that we won’t look good in a pictures. Also, she explicitly said that she expected us bridesmaids to gift her something from the list of the wedding registry that she had prepared and that stuff was waayyy beyond my means . So nope…sorry girl, not gonna do that.
What exactly are unreasonable requests and where should one draw the line?Forget Me Nothas a list of things that can be considered unreasonable to ask of your wedding guests, but they can also easily be adapted to any kinds of events. Naturally, every situation can be different, but here are some general guidelines on what can be considered delusional.Firstly, it’s asking for money. Party guests should not be asked to cover the costs of the said party. While it’s true that any kind of party or event is financially stressful, it ultimately falls on the shoulders of the planners, not the attendees.
What exactly are unreasonable requests and where should one draw the line?Forget Me Nothas a list of things that can be considered unreasonable to ask of your wedding guests, but they can also easily be adapted to any kinds of events. Naturally, every situation can be different, but here are some general guidelines on what can be considered delusional.
Firstly, it’s asking for money. Party guests should not be asked to cover the costs of the said party. While it’s true that any kind of party or event is financially stressful, it ultimately falls on the shoulders of the planners, not the attendees.
An invitation from a former friend’s granddaughter stated at the bottom, “No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted. See registry at ___________. Cash preferred.How would they know whether it was $98 or $102? Does that $100 include tax, and shipping, if ordered online? At the time, I was not working and had a small fixed income. $100 might as well have been $1000.I declined the invitation and simply sent the new couple a card wishing them well. I guess that might be why Grandma and I are now former friends.
We were invited to attend, and made plans to be at the wedding, which was across the country. We’d talked to the groom several times, and told him we were making a family trip of it. It was planned out to attend 3–4 months in advance. Less than a month prior, the groom told us we couldn’t bring our kid, and that the recommended hotel for attending didn’t have any services to watch our child. We’d booked tickets, bought clothes, and made arrangements to be there. They recommended that maybe we could leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony, and then I should stay with the child while my husband attended the reception. We didn’t go to the wedding, or take that trip. If the invitation had noted that no children were to attend, it would have been acceptable but that was not the case.
Asking for too many favors can also be considered tacky. It’s okay to ask your baker friend for a nice birthday cake, but it’s not okay to expect them to do it for free. It should be common sense to either compensate your friend for the said work or count that as their gift to you.
When one of my best friends from high school got married, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was pretty honored, and said yes. Then she told me I had to order a dress in a size 16. I was a size 2 at the time.Her reasoning: she was portly, as were her bridesmaids, and if I was up there in a gown that showed how slim I was, I wouldn’t “match” the bridal party.The dress was very low cut, and the only straps a loop of fabric on each side, like this, in lieu of sleeves. The skirt was much fuller.What was I supposed to do, walk down the aisle holding my arms over my head, dragging two pounds of fabric? How would I walk with all the fabric tangling between my legs?I rescinded my acceptance.
Destination weddings. What possesses brides and grooms to believe that most of the people they know can afford to fly off to some exotic destination. And that all of their employers will have no problem giving them the time to do it. And that travel like that won’t be an issue for older people expected to attend … or young people who now have to figure out what to do with children for multiple overnights. I’ll toss one in for my pet owning friends … they’ll have to figure out what to do with rover and kitty for multiple days.Even a destination a couple hours away can be a problem for some people. Those with no transportation, older people who can’t ride that far.I’d have to say that the destination wedding is one of the most selfish and self serving wedding ideas I’ve heard of in my life.
Let’s talk about dress code. Yes, it’s very nice to later look at pictures where everyone is dressed to the nines. However, keep in mind that not everyone might have a “black tie” suit or a ballgown at their disposal. The same goes for costume parties – always keep in mind that people might not have your required outfit on hand.
I feel like I have a winner. There was a company wide email sent from one of the ladies in the office. I knew her but rarely spoke with her as she was in a different division and her work was completely unrelated to mine. The below is not word for word but is basically the same drift. While on vacation in Las Vegas last week (some guy nobody knew) and I got married. As no one knew about the wedding you were not able to attend or send a wedding gift so we set up a website with a link to our registry. (A list suggesting specific items was included) If you would prefer to send a cash gift a link to enter your credit card information is also included. We are going to have a honeymoon in Vegas in a few weeks so we would also like donations for money to gamble with. Thank you very much (new couples names) I never heard any discussion whatsoever about the email. I am assuming it went nowhere.
This was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was not involved in the wedding, but you certainly couldn’t miss it.Back around 1979, the daughter of a prominent local couple was getting married. They owned a big hotel, so were well off and built a new house in a very prominent place in town. The daughter got married.However, after the wedding there was a huge article in the local paper about the wedding. This was not the custom, so I’m not sure if they paid to have the article put in there or what the deal was.It described in great detail everything about the wedding including how much every thing cost. For example, “the brides mother Mary, wore a beautiful gown, costing $3,000.” It went on to list how much everything cost. I couldn’t believe it.Then it went on to say how each guest was required to bring a money gift of at least $500. Which today would probably be about $1,500. I don’t know why anyone would attend a wedding like that.It was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.
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When planning any type of event, invitations are an important element of that process. It may seem like unnecessary fuss, but a proper invitation can inform the guests of a lot of basic information.Robin Bickerstaff Glover writes for The Sprucethat every invitation to any kind of event or party should include minimal instructions: purpose, time, place and style.Additional information in an invitation can include whether or not the guest might bring a plus one. Dress code is also an important piece of information. If a guest arrives at a formal party wearing jeans, awkwardness is guaranteed not only for the guest themselves, but for the event planner as well.
When planning any type of event, invitations are an important element of that process. It may seem like unnecessary fuss, but a proper invitation can inform the guests of a lot of basic information.Robin Bickerstaff Glover writes for The Sprucethat every invitation to any kind of event or party should include minimal instructions: purpose, time, place and style.
Additional information in an invitation can include whether or not the guest might bring a plus one. Dress code is also an important piece of information. If a guest arrives at a formal party wearing jeans, awkwardness is guaranteed not only for the guest themselves, but for the event planner as well.
A few years ago I received a very pretty invite to an acquaintance’s wedding. It arrived in a white box with pink border, opened to the invite tied together with a big pink ribbon bow and included the RSVP card, picture of bride and groom and other extra items. It weighed a veritable ton.A few weeks before the wedding, another friend of mine called. She is much closer to the bride than I am so I mentioned seeing her at the wedding. She laughed and said the invites were the oddest thing she had ever seen. I thought she meant all the pomp and prissiness of them. Found out she received a different invite than I did.Hers was a standard Shutterfly type of invite in a plain envelope. Her invite looked a bit like this (See picture).Yep, she received a gift request, not an invite. never did find out why I received an invite and the closer acquaintance to the bride did not. I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. Neither did my friend.
Wedding invitation requesting for all women to dress in simple black dresses, so that the bride, maids of honor, mothers of the bride and groom and the godmother will stand out from the majority of women at the wedding. It sounded like a bunch of women that nobody cared about were invited only to look as ugly as possible and make “the important women” look good. I went and got criticized for my black dress being too short and having ribbons, so basically for my dress not being ugly enough.
Our selection of entitled invitation requests is proof that there are some things you should never include in an invitation. Glover insists that including the name of a gift registry isn’t a proper thing to do. What’s more, asking for money in an invitation is also remarkably rude and can certainly be off-putting. Undoubtedly, some of the people from our list should be taking notes.
The requests (many of them) were not necessarily on the invitation itself, but my experience should qualify nonetheless. One of my (ex) friends decided to get married in a tiny village in Italy. She lives in a major US city and I in another. We had become pretty good friends after going to school together a few years before. She blindsided me a bit when she asked me to be her Maid of Honor (MOH), since she had several childhood friends that she spoke about frequently. But she also had a difficult personality, so I figured that might have something to do with it. At first, I accepted, but let her know that I would have to fly in the day before the wedding and then fly back the day after. I also let her know that due to my insane schedule that I would not be able to put long hours into planning either, but that I wanted to be there for her. I am a healthcare provider and run a small clinic, which leaves me very little time off, as I do not receive PTO. If I leave for any length of time, I have to either shut down my clinic or hire a locum tenens (neither are great options). At first she agreed, but then began texting and e-mailing all day every day regarding flights that had me there for the entire week. She then demanded that I take the entire week off as she had planned several outings, lunches and other events spanning the week before her wedding. As the MOH I would have to be there! She also began hinting that she wanted her Bachelorette Party in Vegas and wedding showers in both her hometown and the city she lived. I told her that I now had some reservations about being the MOH and told her that it might be better to have someone else do it, as I had little time to help with planning and couldn’t take off that much time to fly all over creation. She works for a major airline, so all of her flights are almost free. I calculated all of the expenses, which included me taking a week off of work and flying to these locations. I would have been on the hook for over $10,000 and that’s without a plus one at the wedding (my SO bowed out gracefully after learning the cost of the tickets).After a few weeks of constant phone calls, texts and e-mail (during the day when I’m with patients) that she demand I answer immediately, I finally grew some balls and told her that I was no longer able to be her MOH. This was 10 months before the wedding, so plenty of time to find a new one. She was, of course, very upset. At that time I was (stupidly) still not ready to end the friendship, as I realized that weddings can sometimes bring out the worst in people. I told her I was still planning on coming to the wedding, but would fly in the day before and leave the day after as previously discussed. To that she responded with “why bother” and “please return the gift I gave you when I asked you to be my MOH”. It actually cost more to ship this “gift” back to her than the actual cost of the item ($6).We have not spoken since. Thank God!
About 3 years ago, I received an invite for my son to attend his absent fathers wedding. Along with the demand for $60 for his meal at the wedding, over $200 for outfit they were going to purchase for son to be in wedding plus I was expected to take my son interstate for the wedding (over 1500kms away) and a link to the gift registry. I declined. Well my ex was discovered to be cheating while on honeymoon. Hes still paying off his $30k wedding. Then just before christmas I receive another wedding invite, again for absent father. Our son didnt even know he was engaged. Again with demands for money for plate, wedding invite and registry. This time I’ve actually been invited along with my other child. I’ve been informed that he is still cheating with same woman on new fiance so I dont see this wedding lasting any longer then his last one.
Another thing to consider is what to do when you’re on the receiving end of a crass invitation. It’s important to maintain a positive attitude when responding to any kind of invitation, even if it is distasteful. If you have the unfortunate fate of receiving such an invite, take the high road and decline politely. On the other hand, if you decide to attend, forget about the host’s faux pas and just enjoy yourself.
I received an invitation quite a while ago from a former co-worker, with whom I was not very close. When I receive invitations from people I am not close to, or don’t know well, I usually just send a gift (and more than likely it will be a gift card).I didn’t actually read the invitation until I’d had it a few days, and I had to read it a few times to actually follow along. They were having their wedding at one spot, outdoors, at 8AM. Then a short “wedding coffee” would follow. Then a reception would be held six hours later at a country club that was at least 20 miles away from the wedding spot. At this point I was happy to not be attending, but the request for gifts (and this was printed on the invitation) had me laughing. They requested that all guests refrain from bringing wrapped presents and limit their gifts to money cards and cash. I disobeyed, sent a gift card from a local store, and heard nothing more. Not even a thank you.
NO CHILDREN. NO SMARTPHONES. NO MAIDS.Yes, you read that right. This is a common request/demand seen on most local Qatari wedding cards. Qatari weddings are held simultaneously in two venues - one for the men and one for the women. This is on the women’s side invite that these requests are typically seen.
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When declining an invitation, don’t make false stories about why you’re not able to attend. It’s not necessary to go into the details of why you can’t make it, a simple “Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend” should suffice. Don’t forget to thank the host for inviting you. Even if you’re not that thankful – it’s the polite thing to do.
A good friend was dating a woman for some years, they moved in together, and got engaged. I was invited to the wedding. I regretfully declined.The wedding was a 3 day event in the middle of nowhere Napa valley basically camping out. No amenities beyond a few communal cabins with cots. No showers. Very basic toilette facilities. Cooking on portable butane stoves…with food you brought yourself.No thanks buddy.
One of my dad’s cousins was getting married for the fourth time, and it raised a few eyebrows when he invited many members of the extended family to join his wedding “in spirit.” The collective reaction was, “So we’re supposed to think about him but not show up? Okay, whatever.”It wasn’t that unreasonable, really, for him to want to keep wedding number four small and low key, and I don’t think too many people were troubled not to have to attend, but we all thought it was a little odd, how he went about it. He always was kind of the black sheep in other respects, too.
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