“I Have Kids”: Married Woman Struggles With Workplace Crush, Turns To The Internet For Help

Most of us spend a huge chunk of our day at work, which means we’re around ourcoworkersjust as much if not more than our own families. When you’re constantly collaborating, tackling challenges together, and sharing everyday moments, it’s not surprising that a littlework crushcan sneak up on you. But when you’re happily married (and so is the other person), things can get complicated.That’s exactly whathappenedto one woman, who found herself catching feelings for a coworker despite loving her husband and family. She knows it’s probably just a proximity thing, and she wants it gone ASAP. Not wanting to let this harmless crush turn into something more, she turned to the internet for advice on how to move on and keep things strictly professional. Keep reading to see what people have to say!This post may includeaffiliate links.

That’s exactly whathappenedto one woman, who found herself catching feelings for a coworker despite loving her husband and family. She knows it’s probably just a proximity thing, and she wants it gone ASAP. Not wanting to let this harmless crush turn into something more, she turned to the internet for advice on how to move on and keep things strictly professional. Keep reading to see what people have to say!

This post may includeaffiliate links.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side… the grass is the greenest where you water it! So water it with your husband and put your energy into that. You got this!

You are getting his perfect self. Some people are a nightmare once the honeymoon period is over and you see them under pressure behind closed doors.Your kids are no.1 before you. You owe them as much stability as you can give because people in this world will try and harm their progress when they are older so they don’t need the bs of a broken home.If this guy is so great why can’t he be loyal to his wife and kids? If he’s not loyal to his kids he won’t do it for you.

Having a crush at work or even a full-blown workplace romance is way morecommonthan you might think. Sure, it might be an HR nightmare, but it happens all the time. According to a Forbesstudy, over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. So, if you’ve ever found yourself blushing at a Slack message or enjoying inside jokes a little too much, you’re definitely not alone.So, why does this happen?Comfortand convenience play a huge role. When you’re spending most of your day with the same people, it’s natural to form close connections. Plus, with busy schedules and little time to meet new people outside of work, colleagues often become the most accessible option for companionship. A sharedworkplace experiencecreates a bond, even if it’s just friendly or professional.

So, why does this happen?Comfortand convenience play a huge role. When you’re spending most of your day with the same people, it’s natural to form close connections. Plus, with busy schedules and little time to meet new people outside of work, colleagues often become the most accessible option for companionship. A sharedworkplace experiencecreates a bond, even if it’s just friendly or professional.

Find an ick about him. Every time you look at him think about the ick and nothing else.

On the flip side, workplace crushes aren’t always just fleeting distractions—sometimes, they lead to something real. In fact, people are more likely to meet their futurespouseat work than on a dating app.The Forbes study found that 43% of people who date a coworker end up marrying them. So, statistically speaking, you’re twice as likely to marry someone from your office than from Tinder or Bumble. Who knew the break room could be a better matchmaking service than an algorithm?

The Forbes study found that 43% of people who date a coworker end up marrying them. So, statistically speaking, you’re twice as likely to marry someone from your office than from Tinder or Bumble. Who knew the break room could be a better matchmaking service than an algorithm?

You establish good boundaries. If I find someone I work with attractive, I make extra sure to only communicate about work issues. I don’t talk about personal stuff other than mentioning my family from time to time. I don’t go to lunch with them, don’t communicate outside of work hours and only through business channels. I imagine my partner is listening to every conversation.

I would start dating your husband again. Sounds like you need to take your focus off this and put more focus into your relationship and your intimacy with your husband.

But if you’re already married and find yourself crushing on a coworker, things get tricky fast. That’s when it’s time to take a step back and figure out what’s really going on. While a harmless attraction is normal, letting it grow unchecked could lead to emotional complications you don’t want or need in your life.

By realizing that the person you’re crushing on is in your head. They’re a fantasy. They would forget to take out the trash and close the cabinets. They would nag you about putting your dishes up. They might yell when angry and comfortable with you. They’re probably dull when they run out of stories you haven’t heard. The picture in your head of them is pure fantasy and the reality is multiple ruined lives.Easy to not give in to temptation when you realize the thing tempting you doesn’t even exist and that the cost to get it is your entire life you’ve built over multiple decades.excessive-pooping:Yes. And even on the lust-front it’s a fantasy. I had a work crush and we kissed, then it became a looong firtation and foreplay situation. When it finally happened, it was disappointing and not at all what it built up to be. He was not attentive, not a good kisser, not a good lover, and not very passionate. It was a few months of pingponging between lust and reality before it actually hit me and I could see it more clearly. It helped to repeat this in your head over and over and to separate facts from fiction. It’s just blind desire. But it takes time to get over it, I will give ya that.What also helps to stop obsessing: set boundaries in your head when you’re allowed to think about it, keep to them, stay busy and focus on your own life.

Realizing that if the person you have a crush on is willing to cheat on his wife, he will absolutely cheat on you too. Plus….he is willing to cheat on his wife and ruin two marriages with kids involved on both sides.PS: That goes for him in the reverse too…Re: You.

Psychologist Mert Şeker, in an article for Mariage,explains, “Developing feelings for someone else while married is not rare and can happen to anyone. Marriage, involving both emotional and physical bonds, can sometimes face turbulence due to various factors.““Such external emotional attachments often highlight unmet needs or deficiencies in the marriage, offering a chance to address and resolve these issues within the marital relationship.” In other words, if you’re catching feelings, it might be worth checking in on your own relationship, too.

“Such external emotional attachments often highlight unmet needs or deficiencies in the marriage, offering a chance to address and resolve these issues within the marital relationship.” In other words, if you’re catching feelings, it might be worth checking in on your own relationship, too.

The very best way I have found is to speak boundaries into existence.“We need to keep this more professional, we are both married"I find works quite well.

Get your head straight. This isn’t about the crush; it’s a sign you need to address unmet needs in your marriage. Focus on nurturing that energy into your family, remind yourself why you chose them, and strengthen those connections. You’re playing with fire here; don’t let momentary thrill jeopardize everything you’ve built. Remember, the allure of a crush is just an illusion; reality shows what’s truly valuable in life. relationship instead of indulging this fantasy. Set boundaries at work and keep conversations strictly professional—there’s nothing attractive about chaos or damaged relationships. Redirect that.

That said, if you find yourself crushing, don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a little attraction to someone new doesn’t mean yourmarriageis in trouble. Sometimes, a crush is just a passing phase—the more time you spend around someone, the more normal they start to feel, and the spark naturally fades.The key is to reflect on how you feel. If the crush disappears on its own, great! If it sticks around and starts taking up too much mental space, it might be time to come up with a game plan.

The key is to reflect on how you feel. If the crush disappears on its own, great! If it sticks around and starts taking up too much mental space, it might be time to come up with a game plan.

Sometimes it’s helpful to notice if the strength of the feelings track with your ovulation cycle. If that applies to you, it may help you frame it as impersonal, temporary hormone stuff.Also, put as much physical and social distance between you as you can.

Avoid him as much as possible without being weird.- Find things you dislike about him and get worked up about it more than you’d usually do. Actively destroy the idea you have of him in your head.

Remember why you fell in love with your husband and focus on rekindling that spark. Try and understand that everything passes and you’re just attracted to the newness. You don’t really know him.

The first step to handling a work crush is to acknowledge your feelings. Be honest with yourself about what’s happening instead of brushing it aside. Recognizing the situation for what it is can help prevent it from growing into something more than just a passing attraction.

I read somewhere that having a crush is more of a projection of what values you admire in a person- something that you would want to embody too. If you think it this way, it helps in separating the person from their character and you can work on this internally without fixating on them. Then, it’ll eventually fade away.

Appreciate what you have and built with your husband and kids. Look at them and realize are you willing to destroy all this for a feeling. Remember your vows. Don’t fall for temptation. Its not worth it. How would you feel if your husband had a work crush and acted on it. Get rid of the emotional affair asap.

That kind of desire is always mystery making it seem more exciting than it is.The truth?Most people when you know them are pretty human. We all s**t. We all have worries. Fears. Things that are ugly about us.Don’t let your animal brain trick you.This person is likely more boring than you know and there is a high chance you wouldn’t have anything close to the relationship you have with your partner. Someone who chose to symbolically make a promise to stay with you through thick and thin.Mystery let’s our brains fill in the blanks. The blank spaces our minds fill aren’t real. They are pure illusion.Excitement can be cultivated but a partner who stays with you. That’s rare.

Next, it’s important toset boundariesand keep things professional. There’s no need to be awkward, but a little distance can go a long way. Stick to work-related conversations, limit unnecessary one-on-one interactions, and avoid flirty banter that could blur the lines between friendly and something more. Small adjustments in behavior can help shift the focus back to professionalism.

It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite so long as you only eat at home.

I am in a very similar situation. I went through a month of butterflies in my stomach every time they were near me and being unable to get them out of my head 24/7. I’ve basically cooked for the whole office just so I can make their day a little better without singling them out. In my case I believe it is anxious attachment. What helped a lot was being honest with my partner and having serious conversations about things that didn’t feel right between us. Right now I feel connected with my partner and that I feel I can look forward to going to work without the guilt I felt before. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Just enjoy the feel good chemicals you’re experiencing and consider that poor decisions made now might make both your lives worse in the future.

You have to watch him take a dump. Sorry.

Taking care of yourself also plays a huge role in keeping things in perspective. Prioritizingself-care, nurturing your marriage, and engaging in activities that bring you joy can help redirect your energy.Spend quality time with your partner, reconnect over shared interests, and focus on things that make you feel fulfilled outside of work. When you’re happy in other areas of life, fleeting crushes tend to lose their grip.

Spend quality time with your partner, reconnect over shared interests, and focus on things that make you feel fulfilled outside of work. When you’re happy in other areas of life, fleeting crushes tend to lose their grip.

Speaking personally as someone who’s experienced in what you’re going through.I would change jobs. As this is your first extra marital crush, you don’t have the real knowledge of what can happen if you did go all the way. (I said the same words as you about my wife and meant them)Unless they do something to put you off its unlikely the crush will fade.The first sign of dissatisfaction at home, he’ll seem more inviting.By trying to get over him, you’ll just think about him as much and, in my opinion, it could grow tension.Don’t forget he could feel the same and give in and tell you how he feels.Then, you have confirmation from your crush to deal with.It’s hard, and I’m not saying you can’t try to forget it and move on.. but unless you’ve had the feelings, you’re starting to have people won’t know how strong it can be.You’re not a million miles away from falling in love.I’m saying all this with 0 judgement or criticism.Oh, do not tell your partner. You would incriminate yourself forever even if he brushes it off.If you don’t or can’t change jobs, some (obvious) basics are- don’t have his number- don’t see him out of work- try to be cold but polite- don’t get into any situation to touch- be aware of his action towards you, don’t forget he could be thinking the sameIf you want to be scared straight, I’ll tell you the fall out of divorce.

Crushes are fun. You’re allowed to have a crush and enjoy the happy feelings they give you. You are not allowed to act on it while staying true to the relationship.I appreciate the crushes whenever they come. They add value and joy to my life. But there’s a long way between having a crush and having an affair.

Happens all the time. Avoid being alone with him. Avoid talking to him about personal matters, especially any problems with your spouse. Make sure you are not flirting with him. Office romances can absolutely gut a marriage and ruin families so have very strict boundaries with work friends.

And if the feelings aren’t fading or are causing emotional distress, there’s nothing wrong with seeking support. Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or relationship coach can provide an outside perspective and help you navigate your emotions. Sometimes, just saying things out loud to someone else is enough to snap things back into perspective and reaffirm what truly matters.In this case, the author never intended to act on her feelings—she is very happy in her marriage but just wants to move on and feel normal again. What do you think? Have you ever had a work crush? How did you handle it? Let’s talk!

In this case, the author never intended to act on her feelings—she is very happy in her marriage but just wants to move on and feel normal again. What do you think? Have you ever had a work crush? How did you handle it? Let’s talk!

You’re playing with fire. If you’re hanging out together and finding ways to go out to lunch just the 2 of you then you’re really in trouble. One step away from crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.If you are happy in your marriage and do not at all want this situation to conclude with an affair, you need to find a way to detach now. Even if it means finding a new job or transferring.If you really question your feelings for this crush and things aren’t the best at home, you need to tell your spouse that you guys should see marriage counseling to get things in a better place again.I know from experience that once you step over the boundary, it becomes so much more complicated and destructive.

Dangerous situation. you are close to a physical affair. YOU HAVE TO CALL A HALT TO THIS BEFORE YOU RUIN TWO MARRIAGES. Talk to boss about separating you and guy you work with. I am sure your husband is aware of something going on. Your crush is impacting your marriage weather you realize or not. Better take steps to get close to your husband again before you do something stupid. Only you can put a stop to this. Only you can save two marriages, yes I know what I am talking about.

It all cools down eventually. I also like someone at work and I believe it’s mutual - I can sense it and I can see her looking at me.. But work is work and you don’t mix work with personal life, no matter what. Just never cross the line and it will be fine.

I don’t mean this with disrespect but you’re and adult. This crush is a fantasy in your head, so choose to let it go.

As someone whose family fell apart (for the second time) because of an affair, I’d say you should never act upon the feeling. Being the oldest child, it really messed up with my mind.You’ve acknowledged the problem, and you’re willing to work on it, which is good. It means you’re aware of what you truly cheerish in your life, and that you want to keep it.Now, crushes are natural. Being married doesn’t mean they disappear instantly. That’s not bad, and they usually don’t last.Now, what would be truly disrespectful to your partner would be acting upon those feelings. There’s a huge difference between a crush, and an affair.Think about what you could lose if you acted upon the feeling impulsively. Your partner. Your kids. You could lose all of this in a heartbeat.There’s been cases where kids end up resenting and even hating the partner who cheated for breaking down their family.Your mental health and well being are important, but so is your family’s. Therapy would be the best option you have here, in addition to reduce contact with the guy.Remember: A crush is the idealization of a person, not who they truly are. You don’t know your co-worker. You know nothing about him other than what he’s shown.Communication with your partner is key as well, and if your husband trusts you, he’d be willing to help. Sometimes it’s better to adress these topics than to hide them, but that’s up to you.Don’t risk what you have for a momentary feeling, that’s all I have to say. A big hug for you.

Oof. Just fantasize it all the way through. That’s when it starts getting real. Say you two are in love you get serious and break up two families and create another family/partnership, you now have your old in-laws still in the picture bc they are your children’s old grandparents..but not only that but now you have a whole other set of potential in-laws, his brothers/sisters, plus your children’s aunts and uncles…. Bc they don’t totally go away. any drama that effects your children effects you, it run still enter your sphere…. A whole other family to integrate into….. Not to mention when future partners of both yours and his your exes come onto the scene. Now when you consider all of this, all of these new relationships to navigate, and you really visualize it, and get some sort of emotional imprint from it, does it make you excited? Or does it just sound exhausting?😅.

Think about getting caught? Think about all of the issues that can happen with divorce, possible custody battles, the money you willBleed.After you think about that ask if it’s worth it? To some people it is, others, what I said would frighten them silly.

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Stop overthinking this. Crushes are not intellectual things, your cortex has nothing to do with this. A crush is a lizard brain thing; your body’s response to a stimulus that is completely independent of thought. So relax.How about instead of stewing in shame over this incredibly normal human behavior, you lean into it and use it to improve your marriage? You can’t control (and shouldn’t feel guilty about) what your body responds to, but you CAN control what you do with that response: plow that energy into your husband when you get home! Just go absolutely nuts on him! Take the initiative and take what your body needs; what your body is screaming at you to give it!Do that and report back.

You’re just going to have to f#ck it out. Just get it out of your system.Just kidding. Be an adult, and just ignore it. You make choices everyday to stoke that flame, you spend time day dreaming. Don’t. Just stop that. You made a commitment to your partner and brought kids into this world. Now be a G’damned adult and focus on your partner and kids.

When you wake up in the morning, look over at your spouse and be grateful that someone chose you to spend their life with. He chose you.

You don’t stop feeling attraction because you’re married. This is completely normal. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to theirselves.I think you can be honest with yourself, and acknowledge you have a crush. Shame will only make it worse.Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to act up on anything. You can have that little joy and that little excitement of your interactions with your crush and keep it to yourself. I found out, you don’t need a crush to reciprocate, to enjoy their presence or the excitement they give you.There is no way your husband doesn’t feel a little spark when speaking to another woman that is his type. As long as he keeps it to himself and doesn’t act on it, would you mind? Probably not.I have a long term partner and a crush on a coworker before. I enjoyed getting along with someone I thought was fun and attractive. Eventually, the excitement wore off, and now, that coworker is just a friend from work I find objectively attractive and get along well, but have no special feelings for.Accept the fact you have a little crush, keep it to yourself, enjoy it while it lasts, and you’ll get over it.

If the conversation isn’t work related then Always talk about your spouse. Somehow find a way to bring her/him into the conversation always speaking positively about them.

Tell your husband, sometimes bringing it into the open helps anchor you in some kind of accountability to not do it. Just like a hey this is happening and I don’t like it and I’m not going to pursue it, and then maybe talk to your coworker. I believe honest open communication is always the best answer.

I like dreaming … so I‘m on an other cloudBut: Focus on the stressful, annoying and negative characteristics of the person. If you can’t find any. Provoke em, you’ll find em. Repeat this and the 1x1 of the psyche will save you from your misery.Bitte. Danke.

We are human beings and this is totally normally and being friends to a certain extent is fine.You aren’t doing anything wrong at all you have nothing to feel regretful about from what you said.I have been in this situation and the woman and I really tried to do our best professionally together. We never said anything romantic and it was just a given that if some crazy scenario happened we would probably date, but that possibility was minuscule. (Death/Divorce)We never did anything at all but be friends until we moved on to other jobs.

I see lots of people confused about their co workers. These are people that got a job near their home, and it’s close to their skill set. That’s all they are. Not potential friends. Not opportunities to talk about life, the weekend, or share stories with. Emotions come into play only when you start treating work like a date. What will you wear? What will he wear? I wonder if he ended up going out of town this weekend? I’ll put an extra orange in my lunch and see if he wants one. Let me check my hair before I go over to get that file. Stop all that. Get that energy outside of work. You can’t control who you love, but you can control who you date.

Just stop. Sober yourself and think about how hurtful and shameful it is to be thinking that way. This is real life. Grow up.

What has this man done to you that makes you feel these strong emotions?Is it love? Is it lust? Or just how he treats you?Some men are amazing at lurking women in, they recognize that something is missing and they go for the price.

Just don’t put yourself in a position where you guys get drunk in the same place.

It’s quite common and you can’t blame yourself for developing a crush on someone. It’s how you act that matters. I’ve had it happen 4 times at work during the past 30 something years, 3 times of which it was mutual. Only the first time something more happened, but then I was single and she was already in a divorce procedure. Not something I’m proud of but s**t, or in this case hormones, happens.The other times it wore off after time. Not completely, but enough so that it wasn’t a real problem.

Everyone is right about the fantasy part that image you have is fantasy.One thing I do is categorize them as a brother or sister or other family member that would be totally the opposite spectrum in my head from the love fantasy I built up.Be willing to suffer the feelings for some time to get over them. They will definitely influence you but make sure to do a mental check before you interact with this person or others when mentioning this person. Make sure the voice people hear has the same emotion you use for anyone, it can be a challenge.

Go buy your husband and kid a gift each, to remind yourself what their happiness means to you. Then go buy yourself a gift to remind yourself of the happiness you deserve, and that it’s in your control. Now go back to your office and choose how you’d like to extend your happiness in the long term.

I read somewhere that your mind tend to develop crushes towards colleagues as a way to make job more bearable.

Evaluate your values and family values. It sounds stupid but talking these out loud in your car before work sets the tone for the day and you’ll remind yourself that this crush does not align with your values. You’re not a bad person for having these feelings. Acting on them however is a different story.

I dated my workplace crush for four years, two years ago, and it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Though I don’t necessarily regret it, perhaps would have been better left as just a crush. Sometimes that’s the fun of it, fantasy - not so much in the reality. Just try not to dwell on it too much and don’t feel to guilty, crushes happen, even to married people - as they say, just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re dead !

Time. I’ve had loads of unrequited and unspoken and unacted upon crushes over time. Enjoy!

I have a hard rule that I follow. It is one learned of experience, and attempted to be relayed through wisdoms passed down.“You do not s**t, where you eat…..!!!”Professional and personal do not mix. They are like oil and water. So, anyone enroute to or from work, or at work, at any time, is an absolute NO.Years of following that wisdom have resulted in the ability to shrug em off. Even as a currently and willfully single man, it’s a hard no….

When you start feeling like being “cute” with your co-worker, sign yourself out for lunch, go home and f’ck your husbands brains out. If he’s at work, ask him to meet you somewhere and surprise him. If that doesn’t sound better to you than flirting with your co-worker - get a divorce.

By remembering that I have a family that loves and rely on me. No little crush is jeopardizing that. Plus having a good partner that takes care of the physical side of our relationship quite well.

You’re married? That should be good enough to get over it.Honestly just have the willpower to let it go. It’s not worth it.

I had a crush on a coworker and it faded when I saw he plays padel every day at ridiculous hours, and sometimes even 2 times a day. That’s definitely something I wouldn’t do.

Spend more time working.

Imagine all the drama you’d be getting into. That would help you get that person out of your mind pretty quickly I would think.

Think about everything that drives you crazy about your husband and apply it to him. You only see him at work where people are usually their best. He probably farts in bed, snores, leaves the toilet seat up, clothes strewn everywhere, maybe drinks a lot, burps, doesn’t say good morning or night, can’t fix anything broken, and is going to age less gracefully than others. Well, just a few more hours before I can go home from work.

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