Just like what happened tothis mother-in-law, who was rooting for a grandson but instead found out she was going to have granddaughter No. 3. Being majorly disappointed, she started putting the blame on thefather’s DNA, causing family drama to ensue.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with licensed clinical psychologistEmma Basch, who kindly agreed to answer some of our questions about gender disappointment.
Image credits:marccalleja/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Just like what happened to this mother-in-law, who started blaming the father for giving her ‘another’ granddaughter
Image credits:alinabitta/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Elite2017
Gender disappointment involves feelings of sadness and distress
Image credits:cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
On the other hand, this rarely happens to other family members—in this case, the mother-in-law—but licensed clinical psychologistEmma BaschtellsBored Pandathat it’s certainly possible.
“Gender disappointment can also be a product of deeply gendered schemas. For example, if you (or a family member) believe that only certain experiences can come from raising a girl vs. raising a boy, you may experience gender disappointment if you feel you won’t have that gender composition in your family.”
“I would encourage people not to dismiss their feelings”
Basch also kindly shared some advice for people who might be struggling with such conflicting emotions. “I would encourage people not to dismiss their feelings,” she said. “Many people feel shame about their gender disappointment or feel like they aren’t supposed to feel that way.”
She further suggests, “Find an appropriate outlet of support, likely a therapist, who can help you understand and work through what you are feeling. If you are afamilymember (say, a grandparent), make sure you are processing your disappointment with an appropriate outlet (not the person/persons having the child).”
Psychotherapist Diane Ross Glazer, PhD,reassuresthat gender disappointment typically only lasts until the day the child is born, after the parents finally get to meet them. In fact, oxytocin, the hormone in the brain released during labor, helps to fall in love with the infant.
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