As anintrovert, there’s nothing worse to me than guests who come unannounced. It’s especially unnerving when people who know me do this: family members, good friends, or even old acquaintances.
For this woman, it was herMIL who used to show up uninvitedat her and her husband’s house. After one particular time, when the MIL brought a guest who was a complete stranger to the couple and proceeded to have lunch, the DIL decided she’d had enough. She blasted her MIL online andaskedwhether she was overreacting.
To learn more about how the woman could’ve handled the uninvited guests,Bored Pandareached out to Nikesha Tannehill Tyson, an etiquette expert atThe Swann School of Protocoland author ofGoing Public: Culture, Custom, and Class for Social Success. She kindly agreed to tell us whether it’s appropriate to show up at a family member’s house unannounced and how to politely signal the end of a guest’s visit.
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A mother-in-law kept coming unannounced to this couple’s house and even brought a guest one time
Image credits:raul-mellado / Freepik (not the actual)
The daughter-in-law was getting tired of this behavior and decided to call her out online
Image credits:CoffeeBean_1226
Instead of showing up unannounced, even family members should give a heads-up
The mother in this story might think there’s nothing wrong with her behavior; she’s just coming to visit her beloved son and his wife. If her friend is allowed toshow up unannouncedat her children’s homes and even has house keys, surely, there’s nothing wrong with what she is doing?
However, etiquette tells us otherwise. Etiquette expert Nikesha Tannehill Tyson with The Swann School of Protocol tells Bored Panda that whether in interactions withfamilyor other people, three core values of etiquette should be at the forefront: respect, honesty, and consideration. “You may think an unannounced visit is okay; however, a heads-up is definitely considerate and would be appreciated,” she says.
“Bringing unexpected guests (including pets) is poor guest etiquette and is inconsiderate. Guests, even family, should not assume they can bring additional people or fur babies without asking in advance,” Tannehill Tyson explains.
“Be honest and let them know you are not prepared for a visit,” etiquette expert Nikesha Tannehill Tyson says
Image credits:diana.grytsku / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP chose not to say anything to her MIL in this story. Whether that’s because she didn’t have time to consider a response due to shock or was afraid of insulting her mother-in-law, she didn’t explicitly tell her MIL that she and her husband would prefer she not impose on them like this.
Tannehill Tyson says that communicating your boundaries to unwanted guests is very important. And it doesn’t necessarily have to end in an unpleasant confrontation.
“Etiquette is all about putting others at ease, it is possible to be polite whilesetting boundaries,” she explains. “When a guest shows up unannounced, and it is inconvenient, be honest and let them know you are not prepared for a visit and would like a text or phone call in advance,” Tannehill Tyson suggests.
When you think the guest has overstayed their welcome, there are also polite ways to signal to them that they should leave. “Simply communicate how you appreciate the visit, wonderful conversation and you look forward to the next visit,” the etiquette expert explains.
People advised the woman to be curt with her MIL and stop indulging her unwanted visits
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