As the age-old saying goes, sometimes we don’t know what we’ve lost until it’s gone. We let a loved one go, thinking there is someone better around the corner, only to realize that what we had was exactly what we needed.
The protagonist of our story (we’ll call him Jack) learned this the hard way after losing not just his love, but also the mother of his kids.
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Man leaves wife and kids after 15 years but soon realizes he made a mistake
Image credits:ThuongDaiHua (not the actual photo)
The man feels trapped in a rut, being stuck at home, blaming his marriage for his unhappiness
Image credits:Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
Later, he meets a vibrant young coworker and falls in love with her, finding out that she has feelings for him too
Image credits:Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits:RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits:anonymous
The man leaves his wife and kids and moves in with the new girlfriend, expecting to have a perfect life
Jack and his wife had been partners in crime for 15 happy years, raising two lovely daughters, aged 14 and 12. But then the pandemic hit and like many of us, Jack found himself stuck at home 24/7. Feeling trapped, he confused his cabin fever for falling out of love with his wife. He started blaming hismarriagefor his unhappiness instead of recognizing that it was actually just pandemic-induced blues.
Expertsexplain the phenomena of “cabin fever”, which has become more common than ever before, due to the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns. “Cabin fever describes the psychological symptoms that people may experience when they are unable to leave their home and engage in social interaction.
Although cabin fever is not a recognized psychologicalillness, its emotional, physical, and behavioral effects are real, and they can significantly affect a person’s quality of life”. The isolation and limited social activity can be enough to trigger cabin fever, which is what happened in Jack’s case. However, there are some things people can do to limit the effects of cabin fever, starting with focusing on the positive things in their life and being kind to themselves:
“It can take time for a person to adapt to a new way of living. People should not be hard on themselves if they feel that they are not coping as well as they could,” experts explain.
Once the office reopened, Jack felt a new boost of energy and assumed it was because he wasn’t around his wife. The fresh faces at work didn’t hurt either. One of them was Ana, a free-spirited and very bubbly new hire who was quite the opposite of Jack’s calm, shy wife.
But Ana wasn’t just cheerful, she was straightforward too. She had feelings for Jack, and she didn’t shy away from them, telling him how she felt. This made Jack feel alive, invigorated and excited, as he also had developed feelings for the young woman. Caught up in Ana’s vibrant energy, Jack confessed to his wife that he was out of love for her and left hisfamily, moving in with Ana, only a week later.
The man soon starts missing his family, and wants a second chance but is afraid to ask his wife to take him back
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Jack was expecting that his life with Ana would be all rainbows and sunshine, but that was not the case. Although he was happy with his new life andgirlfriend, something always felt off for Jack. At first, he thought it was just the separation from his daughters and home, which caused Jack to start feeling guilty for leaving them.
As Christmas came along, Jack started feeling lonely. He was missing his family. Ana, trying to cheer him up, planned a holidaytripfor the two of them. But when Jack dropped off presents for his daughters, seeing his ex-wife triggered a flood of emotions.
He realized he missed his family, his daughters, the stability of his home and marriage, but also he missed his ex-wife. He missed everything about her, how warm she was, her voice, even the way she smelled. At that moment, Jack realized that he had been lying to himself – his ex-wife was his true love.
Over the year, Jack found himself looking forward to picking up and dropping off his kids just to see his ex-wife’s face. He watched her grow happier and more at peace, envying her ability to move on. Meanwhile, he is still stuck in regret, feeling undeserving of another chance but desperately wanting one. Every time he kisses Ana, he imagines kissing his ex-wife. Jack has tried to push those feelings away, reminding himself of how unhappy he was during the pandemic. However, this didn’t work, and his mind is still with hisex-wife. “I love her like I never loved her before,” Jack recalls.
According toresearch, “statistical data suggests that at least one-third of people regret their marriage dissolution. That number can rise to 80% for ex-spouses who chose the wrong reasons to get divorced and feel that it could have been prevented if both parties had put forth more effort”. This should serve as a reminder that, before making a major decision regarding family, a person should give it a lot of thought as that decision can have long-lasting consequences.
Bored Pandareached out toRaitesha Neville, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in intimate therapy at the Hawaii Center for Relationship Health in Honolulu, Hawaii, to find out how can partners rebuild emotional intimacy and connection after going through a separation. She explains that “Life-long partnership is difficult. There will, most certainly, be times when either one or both partners feel the relationship is missing connection. The most effective way of addressing decreased intimacy and connection is to learn how to communicate. Individuals evolve during their relationships and sometimes the ways we’ve communicated are no longer effective, in fact, maybe even counterproductive. So, being intentional about finding healthy ways of attuning and attending to your relationship is a must.”
“One of the hardest emotions to deal with is regret, and regretting a loved lost…well, we know how heartbreaking those stories can be. If someone is experiencing regret resulting from ending a relationship, they would likely benefit from individual therapy to explore what relationship patterns may have led to a premature separation or what underlying emotions or attachment needs may be fueling the current experience of regret. Either way, before one attempts reconciliation, it is imperative that we examine our personal needs, desires, and behavioral patterns in order to authentically pursue reconciliation and rebuild connection,” Neville explains.
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