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I went to walmart while taking a break from painting the nursery. I was fairly spattered in paint and trying to pick a pizza. I heard a lady tell her kid “that is why you go to school so you don’t have a job like that”. There are layers to just how f****d up that was. Not the least of which is house painters can make pretty decent money.
That I’m probably just some uneducated immigrant who can’t speak English.I’m Mexican, I drive a truck for a living. I make more doing this than putting my bachelor’s to use. I don’t talk much because I’m tired, grumpy and depressed all of the time.
That I was being horribly disrespectful in a church ceremony.In reality I was my little sisters Confirmation sponsor (Catholic rite) and was also in end stage liver failure. Was on lots of meds for pain and my brain was marinating in ammonia so I had several head drops (like when you’re falling asleep) during the 2 hour mass.Woman next to me berates me for being ‘so rude and disrespectful’Luckily my mom found her afterwards and tore her a new one.
It’s normal to make assumptions; our brains do it to help make sense of theworldaround us. There’s an interesting thing that happens to us on an everyday basis involving our unconscious mind. We collect data through our senses and match it againstprevious experiencesto understand what may happen next.It’s physically impossible to stop and check the accuracy of everything we see, hear, smell, or taste because it would be very time-consuming. So, these brain shortcuts are needed for our sanity. However, the issue with thesemental modelsis that they can hurt other people if we choose to voice our assumptions. Not all of our snap judgments will be accurate 100% of the time, and if we blurt things without evidence, it may not end well.
It’s normal to make assumptions; our brains do it to help make sense of theworldaround us. There’s an interesting thing that happens to us on an everyday basis involving our unconscious mind. We collect data through our senses and match it againstprevious experiencesto understand what may happen next.
It’s physically impossible to stop and check the accuracy of everything we see, hear, smell, or taste because it would be very time-consuming. So, these brain shortcuts are needed for our sanity. However, the issue with thesemental modelsis that they can hurt other people if we choose to voice our assumptions. Not all of our snap judgments will be accurate 100% of the time, and if we blurt things without evidence, it may not end well.
That I can’t possibly be smart enough to do my job (STEM) because I’m an attractive woman. (Not assuming here - have had guys say this to me explicitly.) It does help quickly weed out the a******s when I’m dating, though.
That I’m lazy because I really enjoy videogames. B**h, I have a full-time job, House, car, wife, and a dog. I also do most of the cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, and general chores around the house because my wife works crazy hours. Lazy my as.
I hate men because I’m a lesbian. Not being sexually and romantically attracted to men doesn’t mean I hate them. Sometimes talking to my straight gal friends, it seems like they are the ones that do lol.
As you’ve probably noticed from these posts, many judgments and assumptionsabout peopledon’t really reflect who they are. We form these ideas based on our lived experiences, and it colors how we see friends, family, and strangers. Since we’re so busy looking for things that confirm our beliefs about others, we also find it hard to accept if they’re not the way we assumed they were. This shows that we should probably keep our presumptions to ourselves and be willing to change them once we’ve been shown the truth.
Someone thought “just because I’m ugly id date anyone”.
Psychologistssay that people love jumping to conclusions. It’s almost a need for us to form assumptions that can help make sense of confusing situations. That’s why people make so many inferences every day without even waiting for any evidence.
A girl I met for a date on an app once said to me at the end of the date that I should see her again because a guy of my height won’t have many options.
I was hanging out a friend and it had been about a month after we had met etc, and they said, “The best thing about you is that you’re happy being mediocre”. This felt especially bad as at that time in my life, I had just had a string of failures and was already pretty down.
“No wonder you’re so depressed you’re a lazy millennial who thinks everything is handed to him”.
Our tendency to assume and presume can also lead to a whole host ofmisunderstandingsin personal relationships. If you’ve ever read too much into a partner’s mood or expressions only to be proven wrong later, you’ll get exactly what I mean. Sometimes, we put words in people’s mouths and conjure up all sorts of ideas of what they “really” mean. Not only is that unhealthy, and most likely incredibly biased, it only ends up hurtingeveryoneinvolved. Professionals say that when we avoid making assumptions and focus on open communication, ourrelationshipswill improve.
-That I’m mentally well because ‘I don’t look like I’m depressed.’ This one isn’t necessarily rude, but can be annoying after awhile.-And also, that I’m dumb, shy, and/or a pushover.
People always assume I’m mean (when I’m literally the nicest person people have ever met according to people whom actually know me) all because I have a RBF.
That I was stupid enough not to figure out that the guy I had a crush on in middle school was paid to go on a date with me as a joke. 10+ years later I’m still pissed. Though based on how he’s doing now I dodged a real bullet there lmao.
According toDr. Sirota, a psychiatrist, we need to “simply pause as we’re jumping to our conclusions and ask ourselves, ‘How do I know this?’” She said that if the answer to that question involves anything other than factual information or evidence, then we might be at risk of making an incorrect assumption.One of the best ways to work around our tendency to presume is to be brave enough to ask the other person what we want to know. Asking direct questions will help clarify many things and clear the air. Soon, all the festeringjudgmentswill go out the window.
According toDr. Sirota, a psychiatrist, we need to “simply pause as we’re jumping to our conclusions and ask ourselves, ‘How do I know this?’” She said that if the answer to that question involves anything other than factual information or evidence, then we might be at risk of making an incorrect assumption.
One of the best ways to work around our tendency to presume is to be brave enough to ask the other person what we want to know. Asking direct questions will help clarify many things and clear the air. Soon, all the festeringjudgmentswill go out the window.
My mother thought for the longest time I was gay. I have nothing against homosexuality, but this was when I was in middle school.She even asked if I would rather look at a boy or a girl in a swimsuit.
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That I was pregnant.Not only have I never been pregnant, I have tried over and over to become pregnant without success.
Some of the assumptions that people learned about themselves were certainly heart-breaking. It just goes to show how easy it is to assume something about a person and how long it can stay with them if we voice those thoughts. Hopefully this post helped you rethink the judgments you make.
Doesn’t ever offend me at all, but it could really offend others. People always automatically assume I’m a guy whenever I play my online FPS and am good at the game.
That my accent indicates my intellect.
In 5th grade I was the new girl in school and one of the girls in my class said I looked like a prairie girl straight off the farm.She’s still my best friend 16 years later lol.
Just because I have these muscular [duck]ular forearms, babes are always asking me to twist the caps off of everything. The truth, I have really soft under hands, and caps tear me up really good.
My father and I were in Prague when we heard an English woman say to her friend, about us, ”they look so British they can’t be British”, which I don’t think was a compliment. Okay, we were British but I think that was a bit uncalled for.
Not rude. On several occasions I have been asked if I’m a musician, based on my hair.
My teacher was trying to make small talk with me one day and apparently because I’m a weird, awkward kid she asked “you watch anime, right?”. Like, I’ve literally never watched a second of any anime smh.
I’m an Indian man. I am obviously a pervert.I am a weightlifter therefore I am dumb.
There was a sizable rumor for some years in high school that I cheated on an ex-girlfriend. It ended up getting debunked when people actually listened to me, but for a while that reputation really hurt.
OK.Living in Baltimore area in the 90’s and we were looking at houses.We were doing ok, not rich but comfortable enough to start looking at buying.So we are driving with a realtor to look at a house. Can’t remember why she was in the car.So we are talking about this and that and out of the blue this woman says in the snootiest voice:“Were you financially handicapped?” She was referring to my childhood, etc.I know I cannot convey how arrogant and presumptuous this was in a post. You had to be there. This woman was basically suggesting that being middle class was a terrible medical condition or a birth defect.I normally blow off a lot of stuff but I couldn’t believe she had said that. I said, “NO!” and gave her my best WTF look.In retrospect, I still cannot understand why she would think that even asking a question like that would be appropriate.
Travelling with my wife in Europe crossing border control when the immigration officers ask if she’s ok and safe.
I had an Emergency Room doctor tell me I looked like an anti-vaxxer.
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