Weddings are full of meaningful traditions like tossing bouquets, giving speeches, or passingweddingdresses on to the next generation. Although having ‘something borrowed’ is one of the time-honored customs, it doesn’t have to be followed because sometimes, entitled people can take these traditions too far.
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Overbearing sister expects woman to part with the wedding dress her wife made, throws a tantrum when she refuses
Image credits:freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she had recently got married and wore a wedding dress that her wife lovingly made for her
Image credits:prostooleh (not the actual photo)
A few weeks later, her sister asked to borrow the custom dress for her wedding, but the woman refused because the dress meant a lot to her, and she didn’t want to lend it
Image credits:u/IllustratorLow7925
The sister was furious at being refused, and the woman’s parents also took her side, telling the woman she was a hypocrite for caring about inanimate objects so much
The Original Poster (OP) explained that her wife had designed and made a custom weddingdressfor her. She had put a lot of love and effort into it, and the woman really cherishes the outfit. Her parents did not seem to understand that and accused her of caring about an inanimate object too much.
As mostwedding expertsknow, a wedding dress can hold deep symbolic value. According toThe Knot, “the wedding dress has become an iconic piece of clothing—one associated with joy, love, celebration and hope. It’s definitely one of the most special items you’ll ever wear.”
That’s why even though brides may stress over the venue, the guests, and everything else, they still place the most importance on the dress. Many cherish the outfit even after the wedding because it holds memories.
Since the woman’s sister was so insistent on borrowing her wedding dress,Bored Pandareached out toLily Kennedyto understand if such requests are normal. Lily Kennedy has been designing and creating couture wedding dresses since she was four years old and told us that she always had the best-dressed Barbies on the playground.
Lilyexplained that “it’s not ‘common’ for family members to pass along or ‘share’ a wedding dress. Often, siblings, cousins, and even women in the same friend group don’t want to wear a dress that’s even similar to each other’s, let alone the same dress.”
“It’s the most important part of the entire wedding [for] 95% of brides. The only time it’s acceptable is passing a wedding dress down through generations,” she added. It does fit in with the ‘something borrowed’ superstition. But just because it makes for a good story doesn’t mean a bride has to part with her dress.
The OP also explained that she has a very goodrelationshipwith her sister, but, despite that, she didn’t want to lend her the wedding dress. She instead offered to go dress shopping so that they could bond over that. But this did not seem to pacify the sister, who kept demanding to borrow the dress.
Image credits:yanalya (not the actual photo)
It might seem like a lovely idea to borrow a wedding dress from a family member, but there are better ways to ask for it. We reached out toCaroline Arthur, a wedding dressmaker who makes bespoke bridal gowns from scratch.
She shared her thoughts on the sister’s demands, saying, “particularly if it was a custom dress, the bride may feel the dress is a reflection of her taste, personality, aspirations, and represents an important transition from one stage of life to another. It is sometimes felt to be an extension of themselves and a precious part of their personal history.”
“If they start waxing lyrical about how much they treasure it and have kept it pristine in its box and love it, then allow them the pleasure of reliving the moment and describing it, thank them for sharing their story, and ask, ‘Would you ever allow someone else to wear it?’”
Lily Kennedy shared her perspective on borrowing wedding dresses. She said: “I think asking to borrow the dress is fine, and you should just be straightforward with your reasons. There are a few ways borrowing your sister’s dress can be framed.”
“Maybe it would be cute to showcase the original bride’s wedding photos and make wearing it more of a sentimental thing, rather than an ‘I’m a cheapskate and want to wear your dress because I don’t want to spend the money on a dress for myself.’Usually the same family members are all attending the weddings so why would you want to wear the same dress as your sister?”
“Because you want to make it a tradition? Cute. Because you’re cheap? Not cute. So I think if you’re going to ask to borrow it, you should be prepared to give reasons why and be willing to accept any answer with grace. It’s a special gown with special memories so not just like borrowing a cool sweater for the weekend,” she added.
Image credits:benzoix (not the actual photo)
According toLove My Dress, “for some, the notion of wearing a family heirloom wedding dress is important too, whilst for many brides today this might not be possible.” Maybe the sister loved OP’s dress and felt that wearing it would bring them even closer. But the forceful way she went about asking for it was not the right thing to do.
Unfortunately for the woman, her family did not respect herboundariesand they expected her to lend such a special outfit. Her sister was also furious and kept trying to put pressure on her. As the woman stated, even though she felt bad about laying down such a boundary, she had the right to say no.
Psychologistsstate that people who can’t take no for an answer often use manipulation as a tactic to get what they want. They might act this way if they’ve always got what they wanted and never learned how to handle disappointment. This may fit in with some of the commenters’theoriesthat the woman’s sister was the “golden child” and hence always got her way. That’s also probably why the parents were siding with her.
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